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Mary Worth, 10/14/15

Oh, poop, it looks like this whole week is just going to be Toby and Ian apologizing to each other and reaffirming the majesty of their love. Bummer! At least we get a good closeup on Ian in panel one so we can see his various textures. The thick matt of arm hair poking out from the ends of his sleeves; the undulating chinbeard hair; the bristly, astroturf like consistency of his suit jacket — it’s like you can reach out and feel him. Comics need this sort of totally immersive experience if they’re going to compete against other entertainment media in the modern marketplace.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/14/15

I like the knowing glance Snuffy is giving the reader, as he sits next to the hand-cranked ice cream maker that has for years met his family’s dessert needs but will now be immediately abandoned in favor of Silas’s fancy softserve machine. “Eh?” he seems to be asking us. “Eh? Modernity?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/14/15

Welp, looks like the “Morgans get steeply discounted stuff” phase of this storyline is done with, and now Rex is faced with the humdrum reality of family practice medicine: dealing with patients and their eager buttholes.

Spider-Man, 10/14/15

THANKS A LOT DEBLASIO

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Mark Trail, 8/13/15

OH MY GOD

MARK TRAIL HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO RADIATION

WILL HE BE MUTATED INTO A NEW SUPERHERO FOR A NEW AGE????

Let’s see, Spider-Man got all the powers of a spider when he was bitten by a radioactive spider, and Mark’s been irradiated by a bunch fo radioactive rods, so … he’s going to gain all the powers of a rod? Or maybe a guy named Rod? Rod-Man, Rod-Man, does whatever Rod/a rod (A-Rod?) can? This seems like an extremely boring angle on superheroic origins, but I’m willing to see where the strip goes with it.

Mary Worth, 8/13/15

This dinnertime conversation is in fact surpassing my wildest expectations for hypnotically fascinating dullness. Damn it, Ian, this poor man has already debased himself by taking a job at your pissant little university — don’t make him live in one of the little shitbox apartments in this crumbling late ’60s condo complex too! Leave him the scrap of dignity that living in a real house represents! Meanwhile, Toby is squeezing her eyes shut and thinking about her tiny sculptures as hard as she can, which I have to imagine is her strategy for sex with Ian as well.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/13/15

Boy, Lukey sure looks awfully sad. You don’t suppose Elivney … ate the goat? Right in front him? I’m pretty sure she ate the goat, guys.

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Hi and Lois, 8/10/15

Oh, man, I’m so glad we get to share this most special moment between a parent and child: the moment where childish bullshit stops being humored. “Look, dad, I made a whimsical, silly thing for you, based on my limited understanding of your grown-up interests!” “Wow. Wow. This variation on golf and bowling you just made up? It’s not practical at all. It certainly doesn’t sound like much fun. And this so-called ‘rule-book’ is just four sheets of paper that you didn’t even bother stapling together. This is a God-damned disgrace, son. I’m just going to let the muscles of my hand go slack so this nonsense flops down onto the floor. It’s certainly not worth getting up and walking all the way over to the garbage can for.”

Beetle Bailey, 8/10/15

The Army has long refused to take the very real problem of Beetle Bailey’s constant physical abuse at the hands of his superior officer seriously, and I’m not sure what’s more insulting: that somebody told Beetle that they had set up a special number to report abuse when obviously no such thing exists, or that they didn’t even bother making up a fake number with the right number of digits.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/10/15

Haw haw, Doc, Snuffy’s already laughin’ at your joke, Doc, so it looks like you won’t even have to tickle him! It almost makes up for the fact that your clinic in this impoverished rural community can’t afford any actual medication!