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The Phantom, 12/5/15

Aw, a flashback to young Phantom romance! You know, I always thought for some reason that Diana was supposed to be American, but apparently she grew up in Bangalla? In some suburban colonial enclave? Where our hero, who we’ve seen in previous flashbacks as wearing the finest in junglewear loincloths, just sort of wanders around half-naked? “Good-bye little boy! I wonder where he came from, and why the guards didn’t keep him out?”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/5/15

Loweezy’s analysis of her predicament shows that she’s quite familiar with the germ theory of disease. Thus, I can only interpret her decision to shove her snot-ridden handkerchief directly under Elviney’s nose as one of pure spite. If she’s sick, then everyone’s going to be sick, by God.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/3/15

If you really want a glimpse into just how desperately poor Hootin’ Holler is, imagine a child lying in the dark with a pillow over his head, barely able to breathe, desperately trying to fall asleep so that a mysterious magical creature will come and wrench one of his teeth out of his head, leaving a few coins behind in return.

Gasoline Alley, 12/3/15

Gasoline Alley: still going on about scrapbooking, I guess! Did you know that Thomas Jefferson kept a scrapbook, of important news items from his presidency? Some might be inclined to refer to this not as “scrapbooking” but rather as “keeping an archive of important historical documents,” but at least he did it himself, rather than let the American taxpayer foot the bill like these liberal spend-o-crats in office today! (Ugh, actually, he probably had his slaves do it, never mind.)

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Dennis the Menace, 11/14/15

Obviously I knew that Dennis hates vegetables. The word is always written as “veg-tables” in the Dennis the Menace captions, by the way, which drives me absolutely nuts. What is this even supposed to represent? That he pronounces the word as three syllables, rather than four, which is as far as I know perfectly acceptable American English? Is that supposed to be menacing? Ugh! Anyway, it’s obviously not half as menacing as Dennis’s apparent rejection of all non-processed food products. What could be more menacing than watching your son slurp down Soylent meal after meal, his teeth and tongue slowly withering away as it becomes clear that they’re unnecessary, to be replaced by some awful, insectoid proboscis?

Apartment 3-G, 11/14/15

Wait, he’s talking about Tibet, right? Tibet has its problems, but it’s a perfectly nice place. Way to show your Tibetophobia, Tommie.

Mark Trail, 11/14/15

Just keeping you updated on the Trailian fisticuffs! Lotsa punching going on. Let’s focus on that and not Ken’s leg apparently phasing right through the solid matter of the bad guy’s arm in panel two. Very disturbing, the thought that Mississippi Ken might not be bound by the same laws of time and space as we are. Let’s not dwell on it. Ha ha, punching!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/14/15

Thanks to this comic, “do snakes fuck” is now forever part of my Google search history. Thanks, comics!