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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Will Ted Miller be a jerk? A fop? A sponge? A cad?

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Mary Worth, 1/22/18

Welp, it looks like our “Wilbur gets scam-dumped and then cockblocked by a hot rich millennial” storyline somehow managed to end with Wilbur strutting through a park alone and deluding himself about what a great dad he is, so it’s time for a new plot! And it looks like it’s going to feature Mary’s boyfriend Dr. Jeff after an awfully long absence. Presumably he’ll be around just long enough to introduce his friend (note: Dr. Jeff does not, to my knowledge, have any friends) Ted Miller, who’s quite a character, which 100% means he’s going to be an insufferable nightmare who will throw Mary’s world, and the Charterstone community in general, into chaos. I’m excited!

Beetle Bailey, 1/22/18

Also starting a new plotline this Monday: Beetle Bailey! We begin in media res, with the backstory on what catastrophe has left much of the world outside Camp Swampy a patchwork of uninhabitable “contaminated zones” that the military must enter on mysterious and dangerous missions presumably being filled in at some point later in the week.

Blondie, 1/22/18

Ha ha, uh, remember a couple of weeks ago when I made a joke about Elmo spending all his time at the Bumsteads’ because of his volatile, violent home life? The best part here is how Blondie just kind of stares at Elmo silently as she lets him in, as if she’s gobsmacked and just now putting together his tragic backstory.

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Grim Tuesday

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Mary Worth, 1/16/18

For those of you who aren’t fully “in the know” on the details of beloved syndicated soap-opera strip Mary Worth, “Santa Royale,” Mary’s home and the setting for most of the action, is a thinly veiled version of the California university/beach town of Santa Barbara — they even use the real names for neighboring places, like Goleta. Anyway, you’ve probably heard about the horrific mudslides in Montecito last week, but you might not know that Montecito too is part of the Santa Barbara area — is right next door, in fact. What I’m trying to say is that while I wouldn’t wish that sort of disaster on anyone in real life, it would be pretty funny in Wilbur, out for a brisk, optimistic walk after deciding to pretend that he has his life together emotionally, were suddenly swept out to sea by a wall of mud.

Pluggers, 1/16/18

Pluggers aren’t afraid of the dark … but they are afraid of that yawning hole inside of them, the one that they can never fill with food no matter how much they try.

Beetle Bailey, 1/16/18

The excuses Sarge has to come up with for all the times he physically abuses the soldiers under his command are becoming increasingly transparent.

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Saturday quickies

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Blondie, 1/13/18

I’ve often wondered why Elmo spends so much time at the Bumstead home instead of his own, and now we have an answer: he’s seeking a refuge away from his violent, volatile father.

Beetle Bailey, 1/13/18

Otto seeks the sweet release of ~total annihilation of the physical self~

Pluggers, 1/13/18

A plugger’s “one for the road” is a number two!