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Archie, 11/4/12

So my expectations for comic strip attention to detail are low enough that I actually felt compelled to mentally double-check the math here to make sure that it adds up. Which it does! I suppose you’d expect proper accounting from an enterprise that is meticulous about not infringing on Kellogg’s® Pop-Tart® branding identity without permission.

Luann, 11/4/12

Sorry, I know I should be grappling with the gross “marriage is an endless series of point-scoring exercises in which menfolk attempt to minimize work and maximize sexual benefits” message of today’s strip, but I’m far too grossed out on a much more visceral level by Brad’s grinning offer to vacate himself and his sister from the premises so his parents can have sex as loudly as they want.

Crankshaft, 11/4/12

Say, let’s check in to make sure that everyone in the Funkyverse still engages in desperate, anxious magical thinking in order to stave off the ever-looming spectre of death. Yep, all systems are still go!

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Crankshaft, 11/1/12

They say that if you live long enough you’ll experience just about everything, and so here it is: A Crankshaft I laughed at unironically. I think it’s Crankshaft’s look of genuine surprise in the final panel that really does it for me. What do you think he’s worried about more: that Rose found his blog, where writes hundreds of words a day alternately railing against the other members of his household and making terrible puns, or that Rose found his elaborately nesting folders of bookmarked scat porn?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/1/12

Speaking of hilarious third-panel facial expressions, what you’re looking at here is Rex’s involuntary grimace whenever someone uses the word “friend.” The concept involves spending time with other human beings, treating them as equals, listening to things they say, and trying not to look irritated — all things Rex hates, obviously. “I never thought I’d say this, but how can I get away from this guy and get back to the house with all the stripper ladies?”

Gil Thorp, 11/1/12

Gil Thorp: Still about two kids trying to make an new Irish student a superstar, for some reason, and now also about Beech Street, and how it rules, or maybe “Beech Street rules,” whatever those are! But what really grabbed my attention today is the poor young woman in the second panel, who appears to just be resting an enormous sandwich against her mouth instead of eating it. Is this her way of faking normalcy to cover up for a terrible but all-too-common eating disorder? Get help, girl!

Archie, 11/1/12

OH MY GOODNESS SOME PEOPLE SPEAK AND READ CHINESE IT’S CRAAAAAAZY

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Mark Trail, 10/25/12

How hard has everyone instantly fallen in love with Ol’ Pop, the kindly patriarch of this nest of heavily armed thugs? Very hard, I’m guessing! I’m looking forward to the fun as he and Mark get to know each other. “How long have you been in this guerrilla band, Pop?” “We’re not a band of anything, son! Certainly not anything political like ‘guerrillas,’ which implies some sort of political or ideological goals. We’re just poor peasants trying to get rich by seizing Americans at gunpoint if they happen to sail too close to our village and then holding them for ransom! Now shut up and don’t touch anything in my hut or I’ll slit your throat.”

Momma, 10/25/12

“Man, I sure wish Momma would cut it out with the gross Oedipal schtick and find another direction for its sexuality-themed jokes,” said all readers of the strip until they read today’s installment and then collapsed in gibbering horror.

Family Circus, 10/25/12

“I’m leaning towards angel, because to be a saint you have to be really, really good, but to be an angel you only have to be regular-level good and also dead.”

Spider-Man, 10/25/12

I may poke fun at the journalistic bona fides of J. Jonah Jameson, Peter Parker, and the Daily Bugle here, but you have to admit that they’re doing better than the people over at the Las Vegas Vista. “Holy crap, chief,” said the top political reporter, “There’s going to be a presidential election in just a few weeks! Let’s get a news story on today’s front page! I’ll do some research and have a feature on who exactly the candidates are for Sunday.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/25/12

“And I prefer to call it 180 pounds of confidence! Are you the one behind all those ‘Is Greg Cooper packing on the pounds’ items in Walter Scott’s Personality Parade? What the hell kind of publicist are you?”

Crankshaft, 10/25/12

Jeff’s mom has met a courtly gigolo, in what is probably the single most cheerful Funkyverse development in recent memory.

Marmaduke, 10/25/12

Do you know who else was a failed artist?