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Curtis, 7/8/18

On hot summer days long, long ago, Grandma Lumpy would drop a carload of us kids off at a city pool pretty much like this one for an afternoon of swimming and horseplay. I don’t know if parents still do that; I hope so — I’m sure they could use a break from Kids Today, and kids can learn a lot from being lightly supervised among strangers.

What Curtis learns from these outings is:

Judge Parker, 7/8/18

By the time you need Sam’s help, it’s waaay too late — unless you need help constructing an elaborate crazy person conspiracy board. Unfortunately, there’s not enough yarn in Cavelton to connect the dots strewn across this strip. But the broad outlines are clear.

We have reached the final Carnage of the Clans, in which the Parker and Spencer dynasties — having defeated all lesser rivals — face off in battle. The Parkers, blackmailed into alliance with Norton and April, ally with CIA renegades to pick off Spencer fellow-travelers like Godiva, one by one. The Spencers consolidate their far-flung resources, and work with the legit CIA through local liaison Jim Yelich to frame and shame the Parker alliance. It ends in the smoking ruins of Spencer Farms as Abbey and Katherine — bloodied and screeching — claw one another for possession of some meaningless trinket.

In his distant lair, Rocky bides his time.

Slylock Fox (panel), 7/8/18

No, the call is coming from inside the theater, during the movie! Kill him, Slylock — kill him dead!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Sally Forth, 7/1/18

For better or worse, people in Gasoline Alley and Funky Winkerbean grow up as they age. But here in Sally Forth they grow down, by which I mean they turn into Ted — with his attention deficit, encyclopedic pop-culture obsessions, and the whimsy oh God so much whimsy. We’ve seen it happen before to Hilary, and here Sally herself succumbs. While I’m delighted to see her give up being a humorless scold, I’m not sure the strip can handle two Teds. And it makes Real Ted’s proposal just icky.

Prince Valiant, 7/1/18

Listen Prince Valiant, I will stick with you through this “Senate votes on the Trade Zone” nonsense, but one word about midichlorians and we are done.

Curtis, 7/1/18

It’s funnier if that’s Edna.

Judge Parker, 7/1/18

The pizza guy shows up at the door and confirms the leading lady’s innocence: history’s worst porno script.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 1/14/18

The solution to this mystery is painfully obvious (the bat is upside down, you see!) so I’m going to pose a more complex question. Can we truly hold just one of our soccer-playing quartet, who for some reason have put on numbered uniforms for a two-on-two game, responsible for the broken window? After all, they collectively decided to play in dangerous proximity to Chez Beaver. Aren’t they similarly collectively responsible for the damage? This bat is quite the little narc, sowing discord where there should be solidarity and allowing three of these creatures to convince themselves that they’re not on the hook for what in truth they all did.

Curtis, 1/14/18

What sells this strip are the six panels setting up Greg’s quiet ecstacy at having some time to relax on the couch, making Curtis’s loud “rap” music all the harsher violation. I particularly enjoy the second panel in the top row, in which we see that Greg’s relationship with his sofa borders on the erotic.

Spider-Man, 1/14/18

Oh, say, remember how Dr. Connors had the same rare blood type as Bruce Banner, and so Bruce gave him a blood transfusion? Well, it seems they took too much blood from Bruce, and now he needs a blood transfusion! I’m not sure why, if Bruce has the same blood type as Doctor Connor and Spider-Man is able to donate blood to Bruce, he couldn’t have just skipped the middle man and donated directly to Doctor Connor, but that’s neither here nor there. The important thing to know is that the last time someone drew Spider-Man’s blood, a series of comical events led to him briefly assuming the identity of “Gown Man,” a superhero who climbed around on window ledges wearing an extremely short hospital gown, which had predictable results results in terms of everyone on the street below seeing Spider-Man’s junk. Can’t wait to see where this medical plotline’s going!