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Daddy Daze, 10/16/20

There’s a lot of mysteries about the Daddy Daze daddy and the Daddy Daze baby that keep all of us up at night– does the daddy have a job? Does the baby actually “say” or think the things that the daddy attributes to him, or is he a normal baby and the daddy is merely insane? — but you know who we don’t think a lot about? The Daddy Daze mommy. The backstory as descried by the syndicate is that the daddy is a “single dad who amicably shares custody of little Angus with ex-wife Amy.” But like … the baby is very little, right? Like less-than-a-year-old little, right? They’re divorced and their baby is less than a year old? That seems like a real mess! How amicable can it be, man? Anyway, my point is that “somehow got stuck on a see-saw” is not really a reason you want to have to call your ex, I don’t care how amicable it was when you broke up when she was pregnant.

The Phantom, 10/16/20

Ahh, now that Kadia has rejected her terrorism-tainted mother, the next step in the great Walker master plan is taking shape: bring back their teen son from Tibet and get them married! You don’t maintain a 22-generation superhero bloodline without a little strategic breeding, Kadia seems very imprinted on the Walkers, and Kit’s been in a monastery all this time and is probably pretty horny.

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Dick Tracy, 10/10/20

Oh, I get it now! Hope, Faith, and Charity inherited money from their distant uncle, who otherwise would’ve left it to his “eccentric” vampire pals, who would’ve used it to upgrade their prototype fang and pump system; without that funding, the project still isn’t quite at production-level quality. Now the vampires are trying to knock off the sisters to get their hands on the cash; not sure why they apparently feel compelled to do so using their subpar blood-draining apparatus instead of just, like, shooting them or whatever, though I guess it’s probably the same reasons driving them to build such an device in the first place. Anyway, jokes on you, vampires! The surviving sisters just blew the rest of the money on a sweet car, plus that’s not actually how inheritance law works.

Daddy Daze, 10/10/20

You know who else wasn’t of royal birth? A guy who was born on a backwards Genovese island colony in 1769 and given the name of Napoleone di Buonaparte! I genuinely love that, as his father drones on with outdated ideas of who can and who can’t become king, this terrifying baby is performing his own coronation with a crown he made himself. I guess we’re all his subjects now?

The Lockhorns, 10/10/20

I mean … can he? Leroy’s facial expression really seems to be of a guy who’s been trying upwards of a minute to break that club over his leg, without success. He knows he looks more absurd with each passing moment, but he can’t back out now!

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Crock, 8/18/20

Crock is in perpetual reruns now, and it’s hard to tell when exactly any given strip was composed, which is fine when they’re making light-hearted jokes about the grueling century-long French colonial occupation of Algeria, but can get wonky when the strip tries to grapple with “current events.” Like, I guess this dates from the period (the ’90s, I think?) where Wal-Mart’s rapid expansion to retail dominance was noteworthy instead of just a historical footnote to the transition to Amazon’s stranglehold on all commerce. Anyway, I’m not quite sure what the joke here is supposed to be. Is Grossie waiting by the sign with her cart a “women be shopping” gag, which misses the fact that the gag is specifically about shopping as a high-end indulgence and doesn’t really work if it’s “women be shopping for low-priced daily necessities”? Or is her knowing grin just supposed to convey something like “Eh? Eh? Capitalism? Eh?”

Funky Winkerbean, 8/18/20

This massive wildfire may have displaced hundreds of thousands of people, but at least it’s giving Marianne a chance to really understand what it was like to be married to Les, an opportunity that she surely regrets so, so much.

Daddy Daze, 8/18/20

Is he … is he afraid his son will eventually want to have sex with a brain? Is that the joke here?

The Phantom, 8/18/20

Did … did the Phantom murder or terrorize a couple of waitresses so his daughter and her friend could have a job that earned them a little pocket money? Is that the joke here?

Marvin, 8/18/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin’s poops are more deadly than a unprecedented worldwide pandemic!