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So ends the 2022 Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser. As much as the blog depends on its regular subscribers, it’s one-off, “drive-by” contributions from nonsubscribers that have kept The Comics Curmudgeon a sustainable project for more than eighteen years. If you enjoy this site every day but haven’t hit the Tip Jar in a while, consider doing so now. And thank you, generous readers one and all!

Dennis the Menace, 9/3/22

“Kid, did you somehow forget I’m married to Alice Mitchell? Go bother Dagwood or something.”

Menace level: pwned!

Crankshaft, 9/3/22

Hannah is smiling because she’s going to follow her boss’s instructions exactly and compress eleven years of 26 30-minute episodes each into a single 4GB MP4. Channel One viewers will be treated to 143 hours of nine flickering gray squares, accompanied by tiny squeaks every half hour or so. Sure beats the original John Darling Show!

Gil Thorp, 9/3/22

Welcome to Oreintation for the Milford School of Mines. The crew team’s Oarintation is across the hall.

With Funky and now Gil, the comics seem to be introducing their trans characters in alphabetic order; this puts Hägar‘s Hamlet (→ Ophelia, obv.) up next, followed by Dot and Ditto from Hi and Lois (they could just switch). Meanwhile, Tobias, welcome to Milford Football: what’ll it be, fullback or defensive tackle?

Lockhorns, 9/3/22

Leroy’s gut blocks the strike zone, so whether walked or hit by a pitched ball, he always reaches first. He celebrates because walks don’t hurt as much.

–Uncle Lumpy

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Between Friends, 8/26/22

Between Friends mixes joke-a-day and soapy arcs about three middle-aged women and should therefore be called Among Friends, but that’s not important right now. Capable but paralyzingly insecure office manager Susan, passed over for promotion by manager Joan in favor of twentysomething incompetent rage-monkey Kyle, accepted an invitation to join former colleague Savreen’s startup, where the salary, benefits, perks, office environment, and culture are all incomparably better than at her old place.

But you caught that “paralyzingly insecure” part, right? Rather than face change, Susan lets herself get lured right back into the same old misery, where her manager will will give her a nominal promotion and add “disloyal” to a profile that already includes “neurotic,” “small-minded,” and “drudge.”

Sally Forth, 8/26/22

I can’t believe it’s taken five years for Jackie to come around to my suggestion that she take up money-laundering. And how you stand behind the counter at a shop like Small Wonders through a 42-phase pandemic without even considering SBA benefits fraud is completely beyond me.

Sure, Jackie, trinkets are getting more expensive—but imagination is still free!

Dick Tracy, 8/26/22

Dick Tracy‘s commitment to continuity is not so much tenuous as it is selective. “Drs. Tim Sail and Zy Ghote crashed the only remaining space coupe into Jupiter”? Nah, there’s a whole fleet of them, now equipped with big-ass Scrooch Guns. “Now that my people have left the Moon, I will serve them no more as Governor but as their Ambassador”? Nah, he appointed himself Governor again yesterday. But adorable little puffs of condensed breath to prove it’s cold there and Dick is a mammal? You bet!

Dennis the Menace, 8/26/22

“C’mon, Gina, you’re a five-year-old girl: show him how it’s done!”

Hi there! I’ll be sitting in through September 9 while Josh and his wife take a glam European adventure-vacation. Reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net if you experience site problems other than comment-moderation issues (I get automatic updates for those). Enjoy!

–Uncle Lumpy

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Blondie, 8/8/22

The non-Dagwood, non-Herb members of Dagwood’s carpool are named “Dwitzell” and “Claudia,” and any and all attempts to give them inner or indeed outer lives have failed to stick with me, but I do like that Claudia is on the record as not liking the phrase “hot enough for you.” Yes, it’s hot, but that doesn’t mean you have to resort to such vile cliches! To me, she has now become by far the most sympathetic character in the comic strip Blondie, which was actually pretty easy because I honestly couldn’t tell you which if any of the other characters I found particularly sympathetic.

Dennis the Menace, 8/8/22

Dennis is trying a real baller menace move here: to destroy Mr. Wilson emotionally by offering up himself — his neighbor’s most hated nemesis — as a substitute for the grandchildren the Wilsons never had. It’s a swing and a miss, though. George Wilson has never felt affection for another human being and never will! You’re the one who’s shown weakness here today, Dennis, and you will live to regret it!

Beetle Bailey, 8/8/22

OH MY GOD EVEN DOGS ARE STEALING VALOR NOW, WHAT HAS THIS COUNTRY COME TO