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Family Circus, 10/1/17

Welp, it’s time for Billy to take over the strip again, and let’s see what he’s got to tell us! Animals and children are just climbing all over the furniture to get food, the baby’s crying inconsolably on the floor while Mommy ignores him and blathers on the phone, Dad’s out trying to fuck the blonde neighbor, and Dolly has managed to wander over to someone else’s house entirely, cheerfully talking about her family’s financial and medical situation in return for a little attention. I’m assuming this cartoon is being mailed directly to Child Protective Services.

Judge Parker, 10/1/17

“But … Sam! I’m horny now!”

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Family Circus, 9/28/17

I have no clear idea of what emotion Kittycat’s expression is supposed to denote, but it seems extremely sinister to me. “Ha ha, yes, I will keep purring, fool! For you shall seek but never find! There is no ‘it’ to discover! You’ll be pleasurably rubbing my fur with that stethoscope … forever! MU HA HA HA!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/28/17

Clearly the powers-that-be at Rex Morgan have introduced this hideous, just-out-of-frame “dog” to distract us from the true horror — that Fox News personality Sean Hannity has donned a blond wig and is moonlighting as “Sarah’s friend from school.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/28/17

Ahhhh, life in Hootin’ Holler: the cargo cult keeps updating, but these folks are still as far from being able to participate in advances of modern civilization as ever!

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Family Circus, 9/3/17

I genuinely think all the facial expressions on the middle panel make this a little masterpiece. Billy is bursting with pride, of course, and so is Mommy, if more subtly. PJ is confused as to why Billy is leaving the house — when will he back? Barfy looks distraught, presumably because Billy is the number one offender when it comes to feeding dogs under the table. Jeffy is mind-bendingly furious that his brother is receiving attention and approbation. And Dolly is like, “Wait a minute, why is he leaving for school and not me? Aren’t I old enough to go to school? I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to go to school.”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/3/17

Aw, isn’t that cute, the promised double wedding at the Starbucks Jones premiere is upon us! The minister that was scraped up at the last minute is cosplaying as a “Xaxian,” apparently the villainous species Starbuck fights against. This is a million times less weird than his use of the phrase “long-haul love” in his wedding sermon, which sounds like the name of a trucker fetish website.

Spider-Man, 9/3/17

Wait, wait, are you telling me that Tyrannus was just another landless aristocrat who only became a subterranean sovereign jus uxoris when he married Kala? That this whole drama is playing out because he feels emasculated by his wife’s political and financial resources? “We’re not so different, you and I,” Spidey chuckles. “I’m also an utter dick on this subject!”

Panel from Hi and Lois, 9/3/17

This is today’s Hi and Lois throwaway panel, and it doesn’t relate at all to the rest of the strip. I assume it’s left over from an earlier version, nixed by the syndicate, where a totalitarian government has taken root in Hi and Thirsty’s suburb, forcing everyone to maintain a visibly cheerful demeanor or face prosecution for sadcrime.