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Family Circus, 9/21/08

The only Billy-related Family Circus trope I like better than “Billy is an angry little jerk” is “Billy is a jerk and then gets his terrible comeuppance.” Where are the parents in panel one to prevent Billy from committing the ultimate birthday-related sin: blowing out the candles on a sibling’s cake? But Mommy is there to prove that revenge is best served with a scoop of ice cream: because the absolute rigidity of gender roles is enforced from birth in the ultraconservative Keane Kompound, she knows that the ultimate punishment is to force Billy to briefly entertain the thought of wearing one of Dolly’s hideous dresses. Billy’s heartbroken expression as he tears open the box, along with Mommy and Dolly’s looks of smug satisfaction, make for an excellent payoff.

Slylock Fox, 9/21/08

If you squint at the solution to this mystery, you’ll learn that we’re expected to convict Reeky Rat because the clock in his loot bag is only a few minutes behind the actual time. As if 5 o’clock only happens once and never comes ’round again! John Law is just prejudiced against Reeky because he carries his totally legitimately borrowed items around in a burlap sack. Well, that’s how they do it down at the trailer park, OK? They don’t have platinum-encrusted Kate Spade bags or whatever it is you fancy city elitists use. JUSTICE FOR REEKY!

The Six Differences panels offer a glimpse at the legendary underground film A Dog’s Life In Amsterdam.

The Phantom, 9/22/08

The not terribly interesting Sunday Phantom storyline just wrapping up here involved these tribesfolk, living on their traditional diamond-lousy lands, being held hostage by sharps from the big city before Stripey Pants helped them out. But this strip is notable for the last panel of the second row and first panel of the third, as they indicate that the title of this adventure in the Skull Cave Archives is “How the Phantom Got Filthy Rich From His Diamond Monopoly.”

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Crock, 9/17/08

Ever since the infamous Sally Forth-Target-Rush scandal, it’s been important for readers to stay vigilant and call comic artists out when corporate payola corrupts what ought to be a pure art form. Today, we see how brazen some on-the-take comics features can be. This strip was obviously subsidized by Tommy Hilfiger, Fruit of the Loom, or some other underwear manufacturer determined to associate Calvin Klein in the public mind with a disgruntled chicken being boiled alive as part of a terrible joke in an awful comic.

Mark Trail, 9/17/08

Like most people, I pretty much assume that the placement of the stems of word balloons in Mark Trail is some kind of elaborate and long-running surrealist joke. (Mark Trail itself may be an elaborate and long-running surrealist joke, but that’s a topic for a different time.) Anyway, today’s strip takes this little game to what has to be its logical conclusion, as a grinning Mark holds an entire conversation with himself in front of his dumbfounded family. Presumably he’s not letting Cherry get a word in edgewise, because he’s afraid that she’ll burst into tears upon learning that her husband is once again leaving for a new adventure after only about twenty minutes at home, and he has no desire to be befuddled once more by the expression of so-called human “emotions.”

Family Circus, 9/17/08

Ha ha, Jeffy! Mommy was giving you one last chance to convince her that you have too much sentimental value to her to sell, and you failed. I hope you enjoy the garment industry! You’ll be starting on the ground floor, which is to say the basement, where you’ll be chained up.

Pluggers, 9/17/08

Pluggers know there ain’t much point in going to a fancy bar when you can just get drunk at home on bargain booze and pass out on the couch.

The book is there so that this plugger doesn’t stain his shirt when he inevitably vomits on himself, as pluggers are illiterate.

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Dennis the Menace, 9/9/08

Oh look, lovable scamp Dennis is up at three in the morning, watching … whatever show it is that features adorable bow-tie-wearing bunnies at three in the morning. Either it’s some ’70s kids’ show now being rebroadcast entirely for the benefit of stoners, or that rabbit is appearing only on the Mitchells’ television set, and it’s ordering Dennis to kill, in Aramaic.

Family Circus, 9/9/08

The fact that Dolly considers regurgitated worms to be “junk food” tells you all you need to know about what feeding time in the Keane Kompound is like. For deeper background on why Dolly is the way she is, consider the amount of ambient background radiation in the area necessary to produce the huge, lumpy bird-thing she’s spying through the window.

Gil Thorp, 9/9/08

Gil Thorp’s second hemi-century begins today in fine form, as we see Marty taping his weekly TV show. O Marty Moon, king of all media! Who was it who tousled your hair just so for your big TV appearance? Was it your team of professional stylists? Or was it you, alone, in your own bathroom, before you headed down to your basement, to sit in front of the “set” you fished out of the garbage behind the local CBS affiliate? And by “weekly TV show,” do you mean “insane seven-to-nine-minute drunken ramble about how Gil never wants to hang out with you that you upload to YouTube sporadically?” I think to ask the question is to know the answer.

Mary Worth, 9/9/08

“Hello? Hello? Wait, is this Ian Cameron’s hypnotically smooth and bulbous crotch, flanked on either side by lovingly detailed pants wrinkles around the groinal region? I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong number.”