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Funky Winkerbean, 9/5/17

You might remember my attempts from this past spring to untangle the nature of the “trilogy” Les has been working on for years now. I guess my real problem was that I was assuming that this was an intra-universe narrative question, that the graphic novels under consideration only existed within the fictional Funkyverse. But last week people started tweeting me pictures of actual, physical copies of said books, because of course this is a tie-in to a real series of ultra-depressing Lisa novels you can buy in real life. Just as with, I guess, the in-universe version, the middle volume of the trilogy, Lisa’s Story, was published more than a decade ago, and consists of collected strips about Lisa’s original cancer diagnosis and its later recurrence, along with “resource material on breast cancer, including early detection, information sources, support systems, and health care.” I have no idea if the prequel and sequel books are just collected comics from the strip or have new material or what, or if the third book, still apparently called The Last Leaf, has much by way of the promised Cayla material. On the one hand that looks like Cayla on the cover, but on the other it’s subtitled “Lisa’s Story Concludes,” so! Anyway, I can’t tell you any of this because for whatever reason I am not among the elect few to have received a review copy, despite my tireless efforts over the years to make the world aware of Les’s deep emotional commitment to his dead wife. If you’ve snagged a copy, let us know what you think!

Judge Parker, 9/5/17

Oh, so it’s Godiva who’s taking the public blame for the great factory implosion now? Even though it was Neddy who insisted on building a wobbly stack of shipping containers and calling it a factory and who bribed the building inspectors when they started asking too many questions? Uncle Lumpy suggested that she’d pin it all on Hank, but Hank has his, ahem, uses, so Godiva was always the more likely and less likable target for Spence-Driver PR jujitsu. Was Sophie’s kidnapping just part of a larger plot to build up sympathy for Ned?

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Family Circus, 9/3/17

I genuinely think all the facial expressions on the middle panel make this a little masterpiece. Billy is bursting with pride, of course, and so is Mommy, if more subtly. PJ is confused as to why Billy is leaving the house — when will he back? Barfy looks distraught, presumably because Billy is the number one offender when it comes to feeding dogs under the table. Jeffy is mind-bendingly furious that his brother is receiving attention and approbation. And Dolly is like, “Wait a minute, why is he leaving for school and not me? Aren’t I old enough to go to school? I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to go to school.”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/3/17

Aw, isn’t that cute, the promised double wedding at the Starbucks Jones premiere is upon us! The minister that was scraped up at the last minute is cosplaying as a “Xaxian,” apparently the villainous species Starbuck fights against. This is a million times less weird than his use of the phrase “long-haul love” in his wedding sermon, which sounds like the name of a trucker fetish website.

Spider-Man, 9/3/17

Wait, wait, are you telling me that Tyrannus was just another landless aristocrat who only became a subterranean sovereign jus uxoris when he married Kala? That this whole drama is playing out because he feels emasculated by his wife’s political and financial resources? “We’re not so different, you and I,” Spidey chuckles. “I’m also an utter dick on this subject!”

Panel from Hi and Lois, 9/3/17

This is today’s Hi and Lois throwaway panel, and it doesn’t relate at all to the rest of the strip. I assume it’s left over from an earlier version, nixed by the syndicate, where a totalitarian government has taken root in Hi and Thirsty’s suburb, forcing everyone to maintain a visibly cheerful demeanor or face prosecution for sadcrime.

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Hi and Lois, 8/22/17

A friend of mine, whose family I knew belonged to a posh country club, was once telling me about summer jobs he had as a kid, and I asked him if he’d ever worked at the club, like as a waiter or something. He looked at me very strangely and then explained that members or their family taking jobs at the club was simply not done. What I’m trying to say, Recurring Hi and Lois Garbagemen Characters Who Probably Have Names That I Don’t Remember, is that it doesn’t matter how you dress: you’ll never be their peers, and the fact that you’re acting as if you could be will only give rise to confusion and then contempt.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/22/17

You know, I make fun of the Funkyverse’s unrelenting grimness a lot, but given that human happiness in this strip mostly leaves me feeling vaguely nauseated, maybe I should count my blessings?

Blondie, 8/22/17

A cool thing about being a syndicated cartoonist: if you encounter an annoyance or indignity in your everyday life, no matter how small or petty, you can complain about it to millions of newspaper readers!