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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/10/20

Oh, hey, remember Red? Red was a guy who tried, in an extremely pathetic and non-threatening way, to mug Jordan and Michelle, but then it turned out he was an old high school classmate of Jordan’s, and was also a veteran suffering from both PTSD and hallucinations brought on by kidney disease, so he was reunited with his family and got a kidney transplant, which was, as I probably don’t have to tell you as it took place in Rex Morgan, M.D., boring. Jordan promised to take Red on as a cook in his new restaurant, and honestly the most interesting thing about the whole story is that Red’s drama somehow took the focus off the fact that Jordan had engaged in a little light stolen valor, so my tenuous hope was that Red and Jordan would start trading some (literal) war stories and this would all come out, but instead there’s just going to be a lot of healthy diet talk, zzzzzzzz.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/10/20

I had assumed Harry had taken up teaching music again because he loved it so much that he couldn’t bear the thought of stepping away forever, despite his hearing loss, but no, it actually appears he’s as miserable about this situation as his poor student is. So is he doing it for … money? Does he need money? Honestly, it’s a real relief to learn that he doesn’t get paid for all the time he spends hanging around Westview High irritating the actual band teacher.

Slylock Fox, 11/10/20

Fellas! Are you looking for a chore to do that will beautify the neighborhood and have the ladies swooning? Think about painting a fence!

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Shoe, 11/9/20

One of the whole reasons this blog exists is to make you actually think about the longstanding institution of the newspaper comics and really appreciate how weird they are. Like, take Shoe, which is about bird-people who live in a treetop town, which sounds like a recipe for either gentle whimsy or manic antics, except for the fact that these bird-people are just miserable all the time. Often they’re depressed to the point of near-catatonia but sometimes they can rouse themselves to go out into the world and be merely unreasonably irritable. How long do you think Shoe’s been sitting there, listening in on other people’s conversations, waiting for any possible opportunity to jump in and gratuitously insult Roz, at whose restaurant he eats every day? It can sometimes be hard to parse the sequence of actions in a comic strip, but I’m interpreting the appearance of a stogie in panel two as meaning that he delivered his jibe, then pulled out and lit up a cigar right there in the restaurant, as if to emphasize all the different kinds of asshole he can be.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/9/20

Hey, remember when Harry Dinkle learned he suffered from hearing loss and had to quit as Westview’s band director? Well, he’s apparently nevertheless still teaching music to children, who are ungrateful little brats who would rather dick around on their phone than learn how to play an instrument they hate from a guy who can’t hear very well.

Dennis the Menace, 11/9/20

I truly, sincerely hope that Mr. Wilson is saying this because Dennis is in the middle of his front lawn, shouting about demons in Latin at the top of his lungs.

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/25/20

OK, so, just to make sure we have the sequence clear, these ICE dudes arrested Adeela (who, just to emphasize, is in the United States legally) due to a bureaucratic fuckup (one that didn’t make a ton of narrative sense, but still), fast-tracked her for near-immediate deportation, resisted any attempt by her lawyer to make them re-examine the dodgy evidence that led them to their decision, and released her not because they realized they were wrong or because they reassessed their obviously broken internal processes, but because of political intervention at the highest levels. But anyway, they’re returning the Montoni’s bag, so they’re good now! No hard feelings, right? [Backslapping and laughter all around]

Daddy Daze, 10/25/20

Wow, the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth friend sure is getting extra goth today, isn’t he, moaning about how parenting makes time stretch on infinitely, such that we’re all either rapidly aging or cursed with eternal life or maybe both. Anyway, it absolutely makes sense that the Daddy Daze daddy has chosen to sit several seats away from him.

Blondie, 10/25/20

Not to brag or anything, but if I wanted to spend an evening out with a pal and possibly get home long after my wife went to sleep, I would just tell her that’s what I had planned, and if that made her uncomfortable in some way, we’d have an open and honest discussion about it. Maybe that’s weird, maybe the rest of you are all promising your spouses you’ll be home by 1 am and coming home at 3 am and getting in trouble for it, I dunno, but you know what’s a hell of a lot weirder? Dagwood thinking that only wearing his undershirt makes him quieter, somehow.

Baby Blues, 10/25/20

It’s also never occurred to me to casually ask my wife “Hey, babe, you ever fuck Spider-Man?” so maybe I just need to admit that everyone’s marriage is unique and none of us have any real idea what anybody else is doing.