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Hi and Lois, 12/21/24

Hmm, Ditto, interesting: canonically, in the Bible, Joseph doesn’t have any lines (in the sense that no direct speech is attributed to him), while the shepherds actually do, at Luke 2:15. So you’re not making a ton of sense here, unless … your play’s script is heretical??? Are they teaching heresy in our schools and/or churches (not actually clear where this is taking place) now? I think it really says a lot about society and such. Giving Joseph lines. Hmph. The very idea!

Gil Thorp, 12/21/24

Now, normally, “Guy falls off the wagon and immediately gets into an altercation with the cops while the locally beloved idiot teen who says ‘yeet’ all the time looks on and sadly says ‘yeet’” would be the point at which said guy has truly hit rock bottom. But this is Marty Moon we’re talking about. He let loose a string of on-air profanities at a teenager in a pirate outfit! He lost a bunch of money making “friendly” golf bets with a guy who looks like Ben Franklin! He’s got a long way to fall, is what I’m saying.

Gasoline Alley, 12/21/24

Oh, man, I don’t think I realized that Ida Knoe the evil talking doll left Arty the AI to die in his crashed spaceship on the surface of Mars! Unlike the children, Arty doesn’t need oxygen to live, but his batteries will eventually run out, so he’ll have days or maybe even weeks alone to contemplate his own failures and how they led to his inevitable doom. Not sure if Ida Knoe left him there because she was jealous of him or because her magical powers of teleportation won’t work on something without a soul.

Mary Worth, 12/21/24

RED ALERT, REPEAT, RED ALERT

BOWLING HUNK CHRISTMAS WEEK STORYLINE IN MARY WORTH

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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Judge Parker, 12/20/24

Last night I had the pleasure of waiting for the bus next to a guy who was doing whip-its on the street corner, and when I say “had the pleasure,” I really mean it: he was amiable, charming, in good spirits, and endlessly amused by the funny things said whip-its were doing to his voice. Now obviously the act and the addiction are probably doing terrible things to his brain, and to society in general, but in the short term he seemed a lot happier than a lot of strung out or even sober people I’ve seen in public over the years. Anyway, I guess that can is in the middle of the table so that the Spencer clan, too genteel to do any drugs that don’t come in a martini glass, can add an adorable dollop of whipped cream to their hot cocoa, but they all look so happy that at first I wondered if a little whiff of nitrous had wiped away the typical Judge Parker pissyface, if only for a few moments.

Gasoline Alley, 12/20/24

Well, kids, I suppose we’ve learned a valuable lesson: artificial intelligence is a remarkable invention, but it’s still an experimental technology in its early stages and can make mistakes! For important work, you need to rely on something more traditional, something tried and true, tested by history: an awful demon, who was called forth from the aether by God as one of His angels but who was on the losing side of the Great War in Heaven that was fought and lost before time began, cast down with her Master into the fiery pit where she remained, seething, raging, seeking the souls of the innocent to warp and destroy and turn away from their Creator, finally learning how to inhabit the body of a children’s toy and walk the Earth, an abomination, a terror beyond comprehension. That’s who you want writing your report. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to write it.

Tina’s Groove, 12/20/24

Ha ha, Tina’s co-worker isn’t getting enough aphrodisiacs in her diet, ha! Also she’s very depressed, which frequently correlates to decreased libido. Every character in this strip is very depressed, so this tracks. Trust me on this, or just check out their facial expressions here. They always look like this!

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Gasoline Alley, 12/16/24

So the whole point of these uncanny children going to space in the first place was so that they could write a school report about the solar system, and despite the fact that they almost died out there and had to be rescued by their evil talking doll, they didn’t even bother applying the awesome knowledge they acquired first hand to their assignment and just had an AI write it. And it did a shitty job! Which they should’ve known it would do, because it was the thing that almost got them killed in space in the first place, due to its incompetence! And yeah, sure, writing a report for elementary school is a lot easier than navigating an interplanetary craft, but I’m sorry, if a machine comes close to killing me, I stop using that machine, even for lower-stakes stuff. I’m not going to say these kids deserved to die on the cold surface of Mars, but they definitely deserve bad grades on those papers.

Family Circus, 12/16/24

The joke here, I guess, is that Daddy has forced Jeffy to say this to a hapless mall Santa because he wants to set Jeffy’s own expectations correctly, but look at that face. That’s a guy who still Believes. “C’mon, Santa,” he’s thinking, “don’t fuck this up for me this year.”

Alice, 12/16/24

Uh, gee, Alice, do you think there’s an alien base on the moon? Alice’s boyfriend (?)’s attitude towards Alice (the character) really represents the reader’s position vis-a-vis Alice (the comic strip) here: Asking neutral questions, not making direct eye contact, sitting very still, hoping for the best.

Pluggers, 12/16/24

“Pluggers don’t wear gloves outside in Minnesota in December” is I think the point where we start doing wellness checks on the pluggers in our lives. Don’t wait until they end up in the hospital getting their fingers amputated!