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Gasoline Alley, 4/3/15

There’s barely a plot going on in Gasoline Alley right now, certainly nothing worth describing to you, but mainly I just want to point out that somebody, somewhere thinks that nothing cracks up a bunch of eight year olds like a joke about the Venus de Milo. The best part is how in the beginning he tells everybody he’s not talking about the statue, but then in the end the joke is a reference to the statue! What a twist!

Crankshaft, 4/3/15

Hey guys, remember this non-punchline from Monday? Well, that strip, as well as the three that followed it, were all in service of setting up this joke. I’m ashamed to admit that I think it was … almost worth it?

Mary Worth, 4/3/15

NOOOOOOOO

NOT PROTECTIVE SERVICES

ANYTHING BUT THAT

I MEAN I’M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THAT IS

BODYGUARDING MAYBE?

BUT FROM CONTEXT IT SEEMS BAD

VERY BAD

RELATIONSHIP-DESTROYING BAD

WHY, ADAM

WHYYYYYYYYY

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Mary Worth, 3/31/15

Well, well, it seems Terry and Adam had a nice little thing going on before he became a stalker-y creep. They had it all — both at work, which apparently involved handing pamphlets to a combovered man while standing at attention and smirking, and at play, by which they mean brazenly making out with Adam wearing nothing but his undershirt. His undershirt! It’s a good thing Mary can’t see this shameful reverie … or can she?

Marvin, 3/31/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin is going try to sell food to people but hopes that the persistent odor of his feces will result in them eating less than what they’ve paid for!

Gasoline Alley, 3/31/15

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW BOOG

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Gasoline Alley, 12/9/14

YES YES YES THE BELOVED “MILDLY RUDE SALESMAN WITH A PENCIL MUSTACHE” GUY FROM THE SKEEZIX RETURNS A DVD PLAYER STORYLINE IS BACK, BABY! That’s how you know we’re in for some high-quality verbal jousts over the next three to seven weeks. Today we get some important background on this character’s motivation: his “Marx brothers” reference is a veiled description of his political orientation. He’s not a dick to his customers just for fun, but rather as part of the long political struggle of class against class that Marx described so presciently. I see big things for this guy when the revolution comes.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/9/14

After an absence from the strip that bears his name that lasted literally decades, Barney Google has made a number of trips to Hootin’ Holler over the past few years, bringing news of strange big-city mores to the isolated inhabitants there. For instance, today we learn that the horse modeling industry is, perhaps unsurprisingly, rife with horsefuckers! Look at these two creeps laughing it up at poor Spark Plug’s distress. “You don’t understand! Being a horse-model was my lifelong dream … and in one brief moment it became a nightmare.”

Spider-Man, 12/9/14

Wow, that’s a pretty rude way to talk to your film’s high-profile leading lady, Rory! You might wonder how he gets away with that kind of sass. Well, it’s simple: he’s got the only combo flattop/mullet/rat-tail in the business. You don’t fire that haircut. You just don’t.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/9/14

Having successfully convinced Rex that Sarah is the one foretold in prophecy, Rene is now talking Rex into allowing Kelly to continue on as her lackey, as long as she submits to the stringent conditions that any acolyte must accept. Rex is clearly intrigued. “Hmm, a teenage girl consecrating her body and mind to purity and swearing to lie down her own worthless life in order to protect my daughter? Tell me more!”