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Archie, 9/11/15

I’m really unsettled by Mr. Lodge’s look of cold calculation in the final panel here. That’s a man who’s thinking, “I’m wealthy, and I have connections in the shadowy underworld. Surely I know a man who will remove a tongue, for a price.”

Six Chix, 9/11/15

I’m assuming that the complainer, the gossip, and the underminer are all standing around that desk in the next room, playing their petty little office roles for each other in a 9 to 5 drama that never really ends. That last office archetype, though … she’s a loner. Just hanging out there in the middle of the room, standing absolutely still, trying not to attract attention … wait, what was that? Did somebody say “embezzler”? Does somebody need to die?

Gil Thorp, 9/11/15

OH MY GOD SHE REALLY IS TEACHING HIGH SCHOOL FOR A REALITY SHOW

IT’S REAL

I PREDICTED IT AND IT CAME TRUE

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Gil Thorp, 9/9/15

If there’s one thing Gil Thorp does well, it’s call back to beloved (?) characters from the past, so as soon as it became clear that we were supposed to know who Holly Dobbs is, I Googled “holly dobbs gil thorp” and … guys. Guys. This article from 1993 says that Holly Dobbs is GIL’S EX-GIRLFRIEND, a former Milford English teacher/aspiring actor who he was about to propose to when she got cast in a play in fancy New York City and left Milford behind her … forever. Or, you know, for 38 years, since that story ran in newspapers in 1967. But now she’s back and I sincerely hope that the implications of both this strip and this strip hold, i.e., that she was secretly also dating Marty during her Milford life, and that now, with her acting career dead, she’s returning to teach high school as some sort of awful reality show stunt, meaning the hot Gil-Holly-Marty love triangle action will be broadcast to fans nationwise.

Archie, 9/9/15

It’s kind of weird that this whole strip is just bathed in a urine-colored omnipresent glow, but if you were a colorist confronted with Archie strip where the joke involves Jughead stink-breathing “VICTOR HUGO,” and also, completely out of character, recognizing a Victor Hugo quote, you too might decide that you don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Mary Worth, 9/9/15

“I mean, not literally. That would’ve been great! I could’ve used that card to rent a room at a nice hotel! Instead I have to hide out here with you, ugh.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/9/15

“I’ll see what I can do! About the patriarchy, I mean. I’m a former nanny who married her way into the upper corporate echelons, so I’m trying to bring it down from the inside.”

Crankshaft, 9/9/15

I’m starting to think Ralph Meckler’s probably not going to win this election, guys.

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Gil Thorp, 9/3/15

YES YES YES MARTY MOON PAST ROMANCE PLOT YES I’VE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! I’m assuming the lady in panel three is in fact Marty’s ex, and is the same lady from earlier this week who is supposedly some sort of smart person, though the fact that at one point she did sex stuff with Marty calls that into question. Clearly the “mental baggage” she’s referring to in her thought balloon is the unshakeable memory of the smell of Marty’s goatee, all discount whisky and microphone disinfectant.

Apartment 3-G, 9/3/15

Oh dear, it looks like Margo really has lost her grip on reality, for confusing and unrealistic reasons. No, Margo! If you have the money and she doesn’t, that makes you her boss! Are you so far gone that you’ve even forgotten basic capitalism?

Spider-Man, 9/3/15

“Yeah, blah blah, we’re literally poisoning you, your friends and family are sick and dying because of our negligence, please don’t dump our garbage directly into your home. Heard it all before! Get a job, hippie!”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/3/15

Poor Les has been haunted by thoughts of aging and death all week, so probably the sudden appearance of Dead Lisa shouldn’t be a huge shock. Is she here to gently shepherd her beloved through the Veil to the Other Side? Let’s hope! Cayla can use the life insurance money to have dinner in Paris, blessedly alone!