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Mark Trail, 10/1/13

Happy U.S. government shutdown day, everybody! In keeping with his tendency to say vaguely nice things to everybody and let his underlings take all the controversial stands, Senator Mason has decided that Washington, D.C., is an extremely unpleasant place right now and that he’d much rather head off on a little vacation. As a federal employee, Dusty Rhodes is now officially furloughed, but that’s OK; instead of being forced to tell the senator about all the stuff he’s not supposed to do on federal land, he can join Mark and the gang in shooting as many animals as they want, digging for oil at random, and burning down huge swaths of forest, for kicks. Who’s gonna stop them? The government? Hahahaha!

Heathcliff, 10/1/13

I don’t want to alarm you but it appears that the Garbage Ape has started to attract notice even beyond the readership of this blog. I’m all for Heathcliff’s brand of off-putting surrealism finding a wider audience, but I think creating a Robin to the Garbage Ape’s Batman in an attempt to cash in on the character’s growing renown is too precious by half.

Momma, 10/1/13

You can tell I’ve been reading Momma for far too long because what mainly irritated me about today’s strip on first read was the weird, awkward way Francis just looks at Momma in silence for two panels and not, say, the unspeakable Oedipal horror.

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Family Circus, 9/16/13

Check out the conversation happening in the background of this panel. Big Daddy Keane is gesticulating and going on and on in deadly earnest; his female guest has carefully composed her face and placed her hands in her lap, trying to look attentive; his male guest is settling into an ever-deepening slouch, hoping the talking will stop, soon. Is Daddy extolling the virtues of his favored candidate for the local state senate district? Pitching them on joining his Amway downline? Just not shutting up about how things were better in his day, and if we just whipped society into shape we wouldn’t have all these problems? Whatever the case, both those poor souls look like they would be seriously cheered up by a little kid walking in there and cramming more potato chips into his mouth than anyone would’ve though humanly possible.

Heathcliff, 9/16/13

These cowardly birds are giving up their greatest chance to overthrow their cat oppressor! Look at him, lying there, immobile, defenseless, the tender flesh of his face and limbs and tail exposed to attacks from revenging beaks.

Slylock Fox, 9/16/13

Enjoy your minor victory of ratiocination now, Slylock! When the newly arrived UFO aliens begin processing all of Earth’s organic matter — sapient animals, remnant humans, and plants and fungi alike — into a high-grade food slurry that will be shipped to the Proletarian Caloric Dispensaries on the capital planet of their intergalactic empire, it will all very much not matter.

Momma, 9/16/13

Relaxing and snoozing? Do the Hobbs kids know how to party or what?

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Mark Trail, 9/11/13

MYSTERY SOLVED, everyone! “Senator Mason” is just the evil senator from the last senator storyline wearing an extremely clever disguise (i.e., a fake mustache). He clearly worries that Mark will eventually see through it, though, which is why in panel two he keeps a tight grip on his daughter to keep her between him and Mark’s fists at all times, while she further distracts him with rambling nonsense. How old in Anne Marie supposed to be, exactly? 40? 14? Whatever, she remembers good ol’ Andy. Why didn’t Mark bring Andy to meet with the senator? I genuinely want to know the answer to this question. There isn’t a rapacious politician in the pocket of the oil industry alive who can’t be charmed into environmentalism by a lovable big dog!

Crankshaft, 9/11/13

Last week’s Crankshaft, which featured a pleasant person discomfiting the unpleasant main characters in the strip, was downright cheery, and we can’t let that stand in the Funkyverse. This week: innocent children ask an old lady a series of increasingly rude and awkward questions! By Friday, we’ll get to “So nobody’s ever loved you? What’s wrong with you? Aren’t you sad that you’re going to die alone?”

Heathcliff, 9/11/13

Sure, it’s pretty disturbing that Heathcliff is putting up giant portraits of himself everywhere in order to inculcate a Mao-style cult of personality, but it’s a step up from forcing his minions to carve idols of him out of food and worship him as an actual god.