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Hi and Lois, 8/22/17

A friend of mine, whose family I knew belonged to a posh country club, was once telling me about summer jobs he had as a kid, and I asked him if he’d ever worked at the club, like as a waiter or something. He looked at me very strangely and then explained that members or their family taking jobs at the club was simply not done. What I’m trying to say, Recurring Hi and Lois Garbagemen Characters Who Probably Have Names That I Don’t Remember, is that it doesn’t matter how you dress: you’ll never be their peers, and the fact that you’re acting as if you could be will only give rise to confusion and then contempt.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/22/17

You know, I make fun of the Funkyverse’s unrelenting grimness a lot, but given that human happiness in this strip mostly leaves me feeling vaguely nauseated, maybe I should count my blessings?

Blondie, 8/22/17

A cool thing about being a syndicated cartoonist: if you encounter an annoyance or indignity in your everyday life, no matter how small or petty, you can complain about it to millions of newspaper readers!

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Gil Thorp, 8/14/17

Oh, so that’s what Jaquan meant by “backwards!” It looks like instead of the summer wackiness we crave, we’ll be getting … a 31-year-old pro basketball player with a bum knee suddenly deciding he wants to play an insanely physically punishing game that chews up its players’ bodies and destroys their brains? Sure, why not! At least he’ll have Heather on his side, a high school student and coaching dabbler who in just a few months last year helped linebacker Kevin Pelwecki achieve his dream of becoming a fifth-string quarterback, probably just so Gil wouldn’t have to listen to him whine anymore. Maybe this summer will be wacky after all, if you consider a long prelude to a debilitating concussion “wacky!”

Hi and Lois, 8/14/17

I find this comic honestly delightful! Look at how happy everybody is! I’m really enjoying the image of Lois explaining to Thirsty in a soothing voice, possibly while holding an ice-cold beer just out of reach, how four to six hours a day spent in a pleasant PBR haze on the couch flipping through the channels of the Flagstons’ premium cable package could be plausibly spun to Irma as “house-sitting.”

Crankshaft, 8/14/17

You know, I have to admit, while Crankshaft wasn’t at the top of my list of widely syndicated newspaper comic strips that I thought might do a piss-drinking joke, it wasn’t exactly at the bottom, either.

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Gil Thorp, 8/12/17

“Or maybe I’ve got that backward! Maybe, I wish basketball … coached her!” Or … right? Not sure what that means, and I’m also hoping pretty hard that it doesn’t mean that Jaquan has taken a liking to Heather, what with him being like 31 and her being in high school and all.

Panel two is yet another egregious colorist error, what with Trey being assigned Jaquan’s skin and jacket color in panel two despite the fact that he literally says Jaquan’s name in his dialogue. Then again, Jaquan’s right eye is also being swallowed up by his skintone in the final panel. Perhaps the very nature of the reality of the Thorpiverse is glitching, and everyone is about to find themselves swallowed up in sea of pleasing burnt umber.

Crock, 8/12/17

Hey, kids, don’t give up if the mysteries you submit to Slylock Fox get rejected! They can still use them in Crock, apparently?

Hi and Lois, 8/12/17

Like many teenage boys, Chip has little by way of sexual experience or skills, and his partners rarely achieve orgasm during their encounters.

Six Chix, 8/12/17

Today’s lesson from Six Chix: little kids are assholes!