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Gil Thorp, 10/14/19

Well, well, well, looks like we’ve hit the part of this Gil Thorp storyline where the threads we’ve been following to this point weave together to form a seamless narrative whole. In this case we’ve got “Charlie’s overbearing stepdad will help his football prospects whether Charlie wants his help or not” and “what exactly is the deal with the mysterious elder sophomore Chance Macy, anyway,” and the connection is that Chance is a sophomore star and Charlie, a junior, is his backup, and Charlie’s stepdad is going solve the mystery and leave Chance discredited to clear the path for his not-as-good-at-football stepson. Chance lives with his grandparents and there have been some hints that he has some kind of temper (just like that transfer baseball student from a couple years back), and today we learn that Chance and Charlie are apparently the same age despite Chance now being a year behind. I think the answer is clear: Chance murdered his parents in a fit of rage, which is why he’s being raised by his grandparents and also that’s the sort of thing that’ll get you held back a year, probably. Now we’ll find out if Milford can stomach the prospect of winning a championship with a murderous running back! (The answer is clearly yes.)

Hi and Lois, 10/14/19

“I’m glad these helpful informational screens are built into this gas pump,” she continued, speaking loudly enough for any hidden microphones to hear. “It’s good that we’re being bombarded with celebrity gossip 24 hours a day! I don’t like thinking about bad news! I’m very happy!”

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Hi and Lois, 9/19/19

I don’t know why Lois even has an elaborate, frilly apron that seems like it wouldn’t be much practical use for protecting your clothes from cooking splashes and is probably from some catalog dedicated to eroticized maidwear … actually, scratch that, I know exactly why she has it: it’s for sex play, and she obviously deploys it on the regular when she watches the Donna Reed Show and gets hornt up, and, you know, good for her, BUT: Hi has clearly suffered some kind of vicious beating on his way home from work, with his suit badly damaged and his eyes wide and unfocused due to shock or maybe a concussion. This is no time for love, Lois! Read the room!

Gil Thorp, 9/19/19

Hey, remember this past summer, when we revisited a former high school athletic superstar who also liked books and learning, like a damn nerd? Well, welcome to this year’s football plot, where the star running back likes quiet evenings at home reading books, like a damn nerd. He likes books more than sex even. What madness is this?

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Judge Parker, 9/16/19

OK, let me let you in on some “Hollywood insider” information: I’m afraid that spending three days telling a couple of unrepped aspiring screenwriters your convoluted life story of spying and betrayal does not mean that the movie that’s going to exonerate you will be opening nationwide in time for awards season. I’m not sure how often along the long, winding path to production April’s gonna need to blow back into town to threaten someone with a gun: when our gals try to get an agent? At meetings with Netflix execs who see it more as a series? When they get the first round of producer notes telling them the protagonist needs to be more likable? This could be a lot more work than she’s bargained for, and she might want to look into getting an apartment in LA.

Six Chix, 9/16/19

I honestly appreciate to work put into actually making the grawlixes look like real physical objects, but to me it has the downside of trying to read them as a rebus and figure out what the swear word is supposed to be. “Screw poop”? “Screwy shit”? “Screw turd”? I feel like I’m so close, but not quite there.

Hi and Lois, 9/16/19

Hell yeah, Trixie feels good about how she looks and does not feel constrained by the gender binary. You go, kiddo!

Shoe, 9/16/19

It took me a few seconds to see the flowerpot that Biz is holding in panel two here, and so I parsed “bouquet” in the sense of “odor” or “smell” and assumed that the poor old man had the literal small of death on him. Like, just the odor of an embalmed corpse that he couldn’t get out of his nose. Anyway, let’s all have a fun week, everyone!