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Archive: Judge Parker

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I too am still trying to figure out what’s going on, just in general

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Marvin, 10/13/22

Well, Marvin’s been at it for 40 years now, with the “it” that it’s been “at” mostly consisting of poop/piss jokes about the title character, but also sometimes about the old people, dogs, and even passing birds in his life, but we’re finally reaching the final frontier of excretory narratives and getting into Jeff and Jenny’s bathroom situation. Specifically, we’re getting a week’s worth of “jokes” about how Jenny wants to get a bidet installed. I particularly enjoy her sly look in the final panel. “Padding out a list of things to talk about related to shitting until it’s not interesting anymore? That’s the syndicated comic strip Marvin’s turf, am I right, folks?”

Judge Parker, 10/13/22

“She doesn’t really know Steve particularly well or anything; we’re just at the stage of our divorce where I text her ‘thinking of you!’ and then send graphic crime scene photos.”

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Various narrative takes on crime fighting

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Judge Parker, 10/6/22

Oh, were you excited about Sam’s old partner Steve making a triumphant return to the strip? Well, too bad, it’s been less than three weeks since he showed up and he’s already been brutally murdered by the crooked cops or the meth gangs or the crooked cops and the meth gangs working together, who can say. At least this means that Gloria, who was a very longtime beloved character in the strip until she quit her job as Sam’s secretary to skip town with Steve, might need to come crawling back to Sam for a job now that she’s tragically widowed! She’ll probably spend all her time being dramatically sad, which fits in with the current vibe of the strip, and also with the fact that Sam won’t be able to pay her very much.

Dick Tracy, 10/6/22

If you needed a single strip to explain current vibe of modern-day Dick Tracy, you can do worse than this one, in which a typical Tracy-style mutant gangster gets enlisted in a scheme to help his nephew land a part in a stage play about old-timey comic strips.

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Sam and Detective Yelich are doing shots of Tang, I see

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Judge Parker, 10/1/22

Look, Sam is being yanked out of years of tedious domestic drama and thrown back into his derring-do role kind of abruptly, so I respect that he’s resisting it a little bit. Like, what if there isn’t any mystery to solve and he doesn’t actually have to do any work? Maybe the kid did do it! We don’t know! What reason do the cops have to lie about it? Other than the fact that the tough-on-crime judge whose family just got killed apparently considers police corruption to be a crime? Probably they’re not mad about that! Seems like Sam should just go back to Steve and tell him “the kid did it, actually” and then tap out. Maybe the crooked cops or the meth gangs will end up killing Steve, but, let’s be real, Sam didn’t really seem that thrilled to see him in the first place, now did he?

Mary Worth, 10/1/22

“Yes, Mary, don’t minimize your impact! Like, remember when you told my daughter’s distraught best friend that she should change the past just by altering her memory of it? That was real fucked up! If I had done something that harmful, I would have my license revoked. But there’s no license for what you are, and that’s terrifying.”