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Funky Winkerbean, 8/24/22

This week’s Funky Winkerbean is about Holly and Funky going to their high school reunion, which I think is hilarious, and to be clear, I mean that not in the sense of “this comic strip, which aims to make people laugh via jokes, is succeeding, because it’s so hilarious,” but rather in a cruel and mocking way. It’s hilarious (derogatory) because these people hang out with the people they went to high school with all time. Seriously! Is there any major recurring character in this strip who they didn’t go to high school with, other than the ones who are the children of the people they went ot high school with? So I’m not sure why they would go, but I’m also not sure why the idea of going would be so emotionally fraught, since they’re just going to see their whole social circle in another venue. I guess it’s possible that the Funky characters we know and love only represent a small portion of their graduating class and actually the rest of them rightfully hold the ones we’re familiar with in contempt? “Ugh, there’s Les and Funky and that crowd,” one of the normals will say. “Don’t make eye contact, I came here to have fun tonight.”

Marvin, 8/24/22

Ahh, Marvin, it looks like the hunter … has become the hunted. “Hunting” is a metaphor for pooping. Because Marvin talks about pooping all the time! You get it.

Judge Parker, 8/24/22

“Maybe I should just burn the whole compound down, for the insurance money! Haha, just kidding. But what if…?”

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Mary Worth, 8/2/22

I have to admit that I have no idea how we’re supposed to understand the flow of time in Mary Worth; for instance, early in this Jared-Dawn arc, they mentioned that our star-crossed couple had been “friends” for “years” before eventually submitting to one another’s gross lusts, and while it’s true that Jared was first introduced to us in a storyline from 2017, everyone seems more or less the same age in-strip as they were then so I had figured internally that was supposed to be six months ago, tops. Anyway, my point is that it’s also not clear how long ago Wilbur’s private island adventure/death fakeroo was supposed to be, so I’m not sure if Estelle demanded “another break” because of that whole scene or if Wilbur managed to do something even more hilariously infuriating since.

Judge Parker, 8/2/22

Sorry, we know this is a strip where most things are established by dialogue, but Abbey’s not in a talking mood right now, so no talking, OK? It would probably help the story along if there were action of some sort that could substitute for the talking, but I think it’s probably not a big surprise to anyone that that isn’t happening either.

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Judge Parker, 7/25/22

Say, remember a few years ago when Judge Parker Senior ran for mayor on a NIMBY platform to protect Cavelton’s quaint vibes and their associated property values? Well, he lost (technically, he dropped out before the election, which is the worst kind of losing you can do), and now downtown Cavelton is full of multifamily mixed use buildings where regular people can afford to live, or, in this case, non-regular people who used to be married to local gazillionaires but said local gazillionaires are now divorcing them. (Oh, Abbey is divorcing Sam, by the way, I’m not sure if the fact that I’m more interested in the housing economics of Judge Parker than I am about the characters’ love lives says more about me or Judge Parker.)

Gil Thorp, 7/25/22

Milford’s number one hangout location for student athletes is, of course, the Bucket. But where do the Valley Conference coaches hang out? Apparently it’s this coffee shop (vaguely word-play-y name TK), which provides a safe space for them to all cattily gossip about each other because the barista will helpfully loudly announce whoever’s arriving, just in case you’re saying something really emotionally cutting about him.

Marvin, 7/25/22

Wow, huh, I guess the Millers deciding to move for some reason wasn’t just a one-off joke, but actually a running plotline of some sort? I’m kind of tickled that these two can only handle like one big emotionally strenuous process per quarter, and now that it’s July they’re finally ready for #3 of 2022. Sort of explains why they haven’t gotten around to potty training Marvin yet.