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Slylock Fox, 8/3/26

I have no idea what the relationship is between Count Weirdly and the little purple being who’s always hanging around his workplace/castle — is it his creation? his adopted child? his [gulp] biological child? was it spawned by some unnatural process that doesn’t fall into any of those three categories cleanly but falls into all of them in part? — but clearly it views the count in a paternal light, and it’s pretty devastating that it’s so excited to show off the Count’s supposedly legitimate business enterprise to Slylock, only for the Fox Detective to immediately debunk the whole scam. Also, unrelated, but I’ve never really had much reason to contemplate whether Weirdly was wearing anything under his trademark shapeless nightgown, but the very vivid buttrack on display here implies that he probably isn’t.

Crock, 8/3/26

The past is in fact another country, as this Crock strip from 1998 demonstrates. Sure, the idea of a boy baby aggressively hitting on a girl baby and being punished for it is timeless, but why is the girl named “Cyber”? Was this the setup to a joke about computers that turned out to be too hard to execute so they fell back on the classics, or did the Crock creative team in 1998 simply say “What are they naming girl babies these days? Cyber, right? That’s a word I hear a lot but I don’t know what it means, so it’s probably a girl’s name.”

The Lockhorns, 8/3/26

I spent some time trying to parse Leroy’s facial expression here and the conclusion I came to is that it’s supposed to represent “sophisticated horny.” Like he’s thinking, “Ah, yes, women’s beach volleyball … the intellectual’s sport. You get to enjoy athletes at the top of their game demonstrating their prowess at leaping and spiking the ball, all in a beautiful seaside setting. And if one of these statuesque competitors were to engender a pleasant feeling of arousal in me while I watched? Well, I’m mostly trying to keep tabs on various stats to see how my fantasy team is doing, but that would be an added bonus.”

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So ends the 2026 Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser. You guys are the best; thank you!

9 Chickweed Lane, 7/25/26

Say, did you know that people have sex? 9 Chickweed Lane does, and wants to show us as much of it as possible! It started in 2008, when Edda and Amos abandoned their adolescence and virginity on the lid of a Böesendorfer Concert Grand in Brussels. With the “will they or won’t they” tension broken, the strip sustained interest by introducing stand-ins Xiulan and Hugh Godalming, Fernanda Jons and Seth Appleby, Fleurrie and Sven Spocket, Diane and Francis Durly, Nan-Lin and Arthur Peel, and others, all with the same story: Will they or won’t they? Oh yes they will, and often!

Soon, horny couples crowded the strip and their stories grew monotonous. To escape that trap, the strip rushed Edda’s twins Polly and Lolly through adolescence into adulthood and marriage, and loosened up the timeline. Now lucky readers can look back at Edda’s and Amos’s awkward teen courtship while enjoying the sexual antics of three generations: grownup Amos and Edda and all the others in the present, daughters Polly and Lolly and their husbands in the future, and Edda’s stepdad Elliott’s lusty courtship of Juliette in recaps of the past.

Nice save, but not a long-term solution. After all, assuming monogamy, the maximum rate of couplings is (P/2)*f, where P is the number of people and f is frequency. I fear Team Chickweed may have its eye on combinatorics: C(P,2)*f, dropping the monogamy (and incest) restrictions, or even (C(P,2)+P)*f if we throw in self-pleasuring. After that, I fear for Edda’s cat.

One Big Happy, 7/25/26

Hey Joe, Pluto is the Roman god of Death and ruler of the Underworld, and you do not want to piss that guy off. And Disney’s copyright lawyers won’t go any easier on you, so tread lightly.

Lockhorns, 7/25/26

They have one, Leroy, and you’re not gonna like it.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Wizard of Id, 6/1/26

The Met Gala was exactly four weeks ago today, in case you were curious as to what the Wizard of Id publication lead time is! You might think that, having come up with the hilarious joke, the creative team would’ve kept it in the chamber to be published on the actual date of next year’s Met Gala, but hey, these are uncertain times. Will the Met Gala even happen in 2027? Will newspaper comics still be published? Will any of us be alive? Why wait?

Judge Parker, 6/1/26

Look, I know it’s been a long time since Alan “Judge Parker Senior Emeritus” Parker has been the main guy in the strip that bears his name, but … look at that last panel. Eyes closed, mouth hanging dully open as he begins taking another big bite of the sandwich he got to-go from the diner where he made everyone emotionally uncomfortable. The artist didn’t have to do him like this. He could’ve been left with a shred of dignity!

Daddy Daze, 6/1/26

The Daddy Daze daddy has some generic email job that isn’t at an educational institution and the Daddy Daze baby is a baby. It doesn’t matter if your headcanon for this strip is that the Daddy Daze baby’s series of “ba”s carry real semantic meaning or if the Daddy Daze daddy merely projects his own insane ruminations onto them, there is zero reason for them to have a conversation about the school calendar, a concept of no importance to either of them.

Mary Worth, 6/1/26

“I mean, at least you won’t have too many student loans! I’ve been in college since at least 2007 and I’m no closer to a degree than I’ve ever been!”

The Lockhorns, 6/1/26

“Blood … there was so much blood. And the sex stuff … look, I don’t want to talk about it.”