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Judge Parker and Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/13/17

It’s been just over a year since Woody Wilson handed over writing duties on Rex Morgan, M.D., and Judge Parker to his designated successors (Terry Beatty and Ces Marciuliano, respectively). The two strips weren’t identical before, but they had very similar vibes, and it’s been fascinating to watch them diverge. Like, remember that episode of the original Star Trek where Captain Kirk was split into a “good” but indecisive and ineffective half and an “evil” violent and audacious half? Something like that seems to be what’s happened to these two strips, and today’s dramas make for a good example. On the one hand, you have Judge Parker’s title character, a respected jurist and pillar of the community, being railroaded into helping break his assassin daughter-in-law out of prison and then flee into the murky underworld and leave his respectable life behind forever; on the other, you have some old people being just a little too nosy.

Mark Trail, 12/13/17

Oh, hey, we never did wrap up the story of Mark Trail and the bank robbers, did we? Sheriff What’s-His-Name has a bunch of paperwork to do, presumably after the bank robbers were shot “trying to escape,” and I now sincerely hope we get a solid three to six weeks of prairie dog counting. Tomorrow’s action: “One … two … three…”

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Mary Worth, 12/9/17

Aw, Wilbur’s come back to town with the intention of winning his old love back, if “implementing his last-ditch murder-suicide plan” counts as winning his old love back, which, for the record, it very much does not.

Mark Trail, 12/9/17

That is definitely the face of a man who spent a long trans-Atlantic flight with a whole bunch of extremely pointy diamonds in his lower GI tract.

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Mark Trail, 12/8/17

Oh, wow, this plotline very quickly went from baffling avant-garde theater to the least arousing gay pornography anyone could possibly imagine.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/8/17

I’ve been sitting here for five minutes (the maximum amount of consecutive time my doctor and my family have told me I’m allowed to think about Funky Winkerbean) trying to figure out what “Now this is something I can relate to” is supposed to mean here. Like, he … enjoys taking baths in public fountains? Or at least can relate to the impulse? Or is it just that he, like the ducks, takes a shower every morning? And what’s up with the “now” part? Was the entire trip to one of America’s great historic cities wholly unrelatable to this schlub from the rust belt suburbs of northeastern Ohio up to this point? I’m definitely sure I’ve put more thought into this than anyone who worked on this strip, whose main concern was probably “How can I write that trip to Memphis off on my taxes?”

Six Chix, 12/8/17

It’s true what they say: Christmas does come earlier every year! Like, I swear, Christmas music has been on the radio for weeks know, and people usually don’t start feeling like a tradition that arose to show love and appreciation to your loved ones in the spirit of the gifts brought to the baby Jesus had devolved into a materialistic, transactional zero-sum game until at least December 15th.