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Mark Trail, 7/7/10

Mark Trail’s drawings of wildlife are generally quite good, if dubiously colored, but domestic animals are often depicted as mutants almost as bizarre-looking as some of the people. Still, by the standards of the strip that dog in the foreground of panel two is pretty good. His expression has been well captured, assuming that expression is meant to indicate something along the lines of “Oh, yeah, that ‘sweet little thing’ you brought home? I ate it. I’m not particularly sorry about it, either.”

Spider-Man, 7/7/10

Is this entire storyline going to consist of Iron Man’s rampages interrupting Peter Parker’s naps? I guess the writers have finally hit upon the thing that would most spur Spider-Man to action.

Family Circus, 7/7/10

Ha, ha! Jeffy thinks he’s capable of learning how to read!

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Apartment 3-G, 7/5/10

Oh, God, Tommie’s humiliation is going to be even more delicious than I might have hoped. “Tommie, get out here! What are you wearing, a sweatsuit? You’re letting down everyone, with your ugly clothes! God, you make me want to puke. Let’s turn the house lights up, so you can see everyone’s disgusted faces!”

Mary Worth, 7/5/10

Dear Mary Worth Creative Team: I know you submit your strips weeks in advance and all, but I can’t help but feel a bit miffed that you’ve followed up my “Jenna and Mike are on drugs” funny with a strip in which our lovers are talking in oddly lucid and detached terms about their weird, altered emotional state and the “strange buzzing” they’re experiencing, all while rubbing up against each other. Has Mary so lost faith in her meddling skills that she’s resorted to spiking her victims’ meals with Ecstasy?

Mark Trail, 7/5/10

Since the main point of this storyline is to return Sassy home so that Rusty can make another horrifically overwrought facial expression, I fail to see the point to any of this sordid unlicensed animal shelter drama; people are just competing for the Sassy reward money, as is natural and healthy in a capitalist society. “Yes, Mr. Trail, your little dog is here somewhere… wait, where is he?” “Why, is this the dog you’re looking for, sir?” “Why, yes it is, mysterious mustachio’d man! Here is your reward!” “But … but … that man stole the dog from me!” “Whatever, lady, I stopped caring about this the moment the wayward puppy was returned to me. By the way, does the zoning board know you keep all these animals here?”

Dennis the Menace, 7/5/10

Mrs. Wilson has paid Dennis and Joey to induce the heart attack that will finally free her.

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/30/10

So I’ve been getting lots of emails that boil down to “OMG WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING ABOUT FUNKY WINKERBEAN???” Well, because the strip is still methodically setting up whatever narratively interesting and sure-to-be-depressing plot will follow from Funky’s near-death (or possibly actual death) experience, in ways that don’t really lend themselves to humorous commentary. But, for those who simply must hear my take, it appears that we’re either going to get a glimpse of a world in which Funky never existed (i.e., It’s A Funkerful Life) or some kind of time travel plot (in either the Funky Sue Got Married or Funk To The Future variants). I promise to come back to this the next time the strip is interesting, which may be tomorrow, or never.

Meanwhile, to punish you for your pushiness, I will show you a Mark Trail villain talking dirty.

Panel from Mark Trail, 6/30/10

I hope you’ve learned your lesson!

Marmaduke, 6/30/10

This is very thoughtful of the vet tech! It would be quite harrowing for anyone else with an appointment today to bring their pets in to the vet, only to stumble on to the scene of unspeakable carnage that Marmaduke will inevitably leave in his wake.

Gasoline Alley, 6/30/10

I’m not sure what’s sadder: that Gasoline Alley is including as a plot point an ipecac-induced-vomiting trap; that the syndicate editor decided that a footnote was necessary, because nobody under the age of 50 knows what ipecac is; or that the syndicate editor believes that people under the age of 50 read Gasoline Alley.