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This is your last warning, faithful readers: MARK TRAIL THEATER IS HERE! THIS WEEKEND! Salient facts, repeated for those who missed them or forgot:

• Eight or so minutes of genuine Mark Trail action acted out by me, my wife, and several friends, as one act in the Glitterama variety show.
• Friday (OH MY GOD THAT’S TODAY) at 8 p.m., Saturday (YES TOMORROW SATURDAY) at 7 p.m. or 10 p.m. Doors open half an hour before showtime.
• At Load of Fun Studios, 120 W. North Ave. (corner of Howard Street) in Baltimore.
• Tickets are $10; not sure if you can still order them online at this late date, but you can definitely buy them at the door.

I have heard from several people in both Baltimore and from further afield who are coming to see the show! Unfortunately, I have to help organize stuff for the show and can’t hang out with folks; however, if you’d like to meet up in advance to form a block of Mark Trail-cheering awesomeness, I’ve created a special forum thread for you to arrange things!

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Gil Thorp, 11/8/07

“Gentlemen, I’ve just heard from the athletic director. It seems that in this so-called sport of ‘football’, you’re supposed to accumulate more points than the opposite team, and your quarterback isn’t supposed to wildly hurl the ball in the direction of the opposing players. We’ve been doing this all wrong, apparently. Who knew?”

I’m not sure where Cully and his thuggish friends are stopping for a snack. It appears to be a bookstore of some sort, albeit one with a sliding glass door. Perhaps they plan to show their hatred for learning and knowledge of all kinds by eating the books rather than reading them.

Also of note today are a pair of classic Gil Thorp back-of-the-head oh-my-God-I-don’t-think-those-people-have-any-faces shots of dudes with wildly inappropriate earrings.

Mark Trail, 11/8/07

Hey, Johnny, maybe if you had gone and helped your son rather than spending the afternoon carefully waxing your mustache out to Kaiser Wilhelm-esque proportions, he wouldn’t be in this mess. Presumably Malotte père plans to punish the boy by tying him to a set of railroad tracks.

Family Circus, 11/8/07

From: The Comics Curmudgeon
To: The Family Circus
Re: Today’s cartoon

Here is a (non-comprehensive) list of things I do not want to see or see discussed in any future installments of your feature:

• Spanking
• Ass-padding that mitigates the discomfort of spanking
• Edible ass-padding that mitigates the discomfort of spanking
• Little Jeffy attempting to eat an enormous marshmallow that is larger than his mouth

I thank you for your time.

Marvin, 11/8/07

So, we can make jokes in the newspaper about babies urinating on people’s faces now? For real? Mavin’s smug facial expression really pushes this one over the edge for me. It’s like he’s saying “Oh yeah, dad, I’m going to piss all over your face. Yeah. It’s gonna be awesome.”

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Mary Worth, 11/7/07

Possible explanations for the utterly laughable “dog x-ray” on display in the first panel:

• Mary Worth’s vet has an enormous CT scanning device that allows for the creation of a full-body scan of a midsized dog, which is then shrunk down so much as to be completely illegible.
• To save money, the vet just photocopies animals instead of x-raying them, arguing that it’s “basically the same technology.”
• The dog is pregnant, and that’s a sonogram of its tiny dog fetus.
• The dog and the vet are in on some kind of elaborate scam — dog plays dead by the side of the road, vet shows of ambiguous fake x-ray, old biddy comes back with checkbook, and KA-CHING!
• Mary Worth may in fact not be wholly realistic in all respects.

Apartment 3-G, 11/7/07

Man, it really depresses me when a feisty woman tries to make herself over into a shrinking violet just to please some man who can’t even decide on his own hair color. Apparently even Margo can’t stand to see it, as she’s covering her eyes rather than watch her own undoing. Of course, it’s possible that she’s rigged the phone to detonate in Eric’s hand, and is just trying to keep from being blinded in the process.

(By the way, if you find the thought of “Apartment 3-G Alan/Sam slash fiction” even vaguely intriguing, you owe it to yourself to check out this comment from faithful reader SecretMargo.)

Mark Trail, 11/7/07

Uh oh! Li’l Paul Malotte just got cock-college-tuition-money-blocked. I imagine he’s going to stride into the trading post and forcefully confront Bull Malone about how his unethical competitive practices are hurting the reputation of the increasingly lucrative full-service guided camping package market. And because he’s wearing a baby blue fringy jacket with matching equestrian cap, it will be the funniest shit you’ll ever see in your life.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/7/07

“Yup! Sullen, passive-aggressive, and unhelpful! It’s uncanny!”