Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/13/17

Oh, hey, guys, remember Edward? When we last saw him he was a cruel bully who dared to mock Sarah’s art but then she turned the tables and raised up a rebellion against him. Anyway, it appears that, like all powerful bullies who have been humiliated in front of their erstwhile victims, Edward immediately reformed his evil ways and is now a defender of the downtrodden. This is an entirely realistic outcome that will prevent Sarah from being beaten to death with her own crutches on her first day of public school! Instead, she has acquired yet another powerful protector, and the fact that she doesn’t remember the unpleasant origin story of their friendship will honestly just make everything less socially awkward for everybody involved.

Marvin, 4/13/17

Ha ha, it’s another Marvin about the romantic/sexual lives of literal infants! But you know what’s grosser than that? A comic about the romantic/sexual lives of literal infants where a potential romantic/sexual relationship between two literal infants faces a barrier, and that barrier is that one of the infants still voids his bladder and bowels into his pants indiscriminately, while the other has learned to wait and go in a toilet. And you know what’s grosser than that? It’s when a baby is describing all this horror, and Marvin gives a knowing smile to the audience, like, “Oh yeah, we’ve all been there. Liking a girl but she doesn’t shit her pants like you do. Right? Right? This is extremely relatable content.”

Funky Winkerbean, 4/13/17

Can you imagine if what you had to do in order to coax your spouse into sex was to say, “OK, stop writing yet another book about your dead wife so we can fu–NO! DON’T YOU DARE FALL ASLEEP ON ME! GOD DAMN IT!”

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/19/17

I get why a new writer might want to retool a long-running strip a bit, especially when it comes to a character who, through a long series of choices that might’ve individually made sense, became an art prodigy at a prestigious private school who’s bankrolled by a mob widow and chauffeured about by said mob widow’s brutal enforcer. Still, it seems like the best approach would probably be to rip off the band-aid quickly; I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the strip that got it right was Newspaper Spider-Man, which was coerced by its corporate parent into going along with the comic book continuity’s One More Day storyline in which Peter’s marriage to MJ was erased from history by a demon (no, really), and so introduced the shift in the most half-assed way possible: by just straight-up announcing it with no further explanation beyond a wall of text telling us, “yeah, this is what we’re doing now.” Then, when it turned out everyone hated this idea, a new wall of text was like “oh, yeah it was all a dream, sorry y’all.” I’m not saying Rex Morgan should be quite that blatant about it, but honestly the more they dwell on changing up Sarah’s character, the more obvious the grinding gears are. Just send her to public school! It’ll be fine! We won’t even notice, probably!

By the way, June saying “I don’t recall you being close friends with any of those kids” is one of the coldest things I’ve ever seen a comic strip mom say to her too-smart-for-her-age socially weird daughter. That’s also big talk from someone who has exactly one friend, her erstwhile nanny, who is decamping for England after June suggested she have an affair with a household employee, so as to acquire his seed.

Marvin, 3/19/17

I don’t know if Sunday Marvin strips have always referred to its repugnant title character as “the playpen philosopher” and I’m just now noticing, or if this is a recent attempt to rebrand the hated baby. Either way, I’m disappointed that there’s no philosophy in today’s strip, though I suppose responding to your father’s unconditional affection with disgust is “philosophical” compared to, say, smugly announcing that you reek of shit and piss.

Post Content

Mark Trail, 3/7/17

Normally this owl and this mouse would be involved in some epic predator-prey battle right now, but both are instead sitting absolutely still so they can hear every word of the hilarious conversation about this Water-World Theme Park Disaster that Cherry is indeed talking about.

Shoe, 3/7/17

Casually letting your boss know that you’ve been rummaging through the recycling bins behind your favorite lunch spot is a pretty passive-aggressive way of asking for raise, in my opinion.

Hi and Lois, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Lois and Irma have learned to regulate their husbands’ mood swings with alcohol!

Marvin, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because these babies are cognitively capable of figuring out why they have to smell each other’s shit all day but for some reason can’t figure out how to use a toilet!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/7/17

YUP, JUST A CIRCLE OF WOMEN DYING AND MEN ONLY COOKING FOR THEMSELVES WHEN WOMEN DIE

REAL CYCLE OF LIFE BUSINESS