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Dick Tracy, 9/2/22

Moon citizens have no choice whether or not to live under fascism, but they do get to pick their preferred flavor. Enjoy the wholesale militarization of society in service of external conquest? Line up behind Ro-Zan over there! Prefer the quiet suffocation of human rights under an all-powerful domestic security state? Team Thorin for you!

No matter to Dick: he’s just a cop, you guys do the executions! After all, “He who wins the war writes the history.” Or maybe, “History is written by the victors?” Dick doesn’t care; he’s just a cop: leave the quotation-mangling to Mary Worth.

Gil Thorp, 9/2/22

Speaking of mangling, remember when Gil Thorp was famous for bizarre jump-cuts between panels? No more! Now the unsettling breaks come within the panels themselves. Consider Panel 1—”They got coffee for us” : “Shouldn’t we get coffee?” : [“Uh, yeah Dad, that’s why they got it?”]. Or take Panel 2’s confusion of sarcasm with trolling. Trolling would be, “You’re bringing that nose-wart into my high school?” Panel 3 is just routine recruitment of your kid as a divorce-ally; I’ll permit it.

Mary Worth, 9/2/22

Say, it’s been over a week; let’s drop in on Jared and Jess! Guilt no longer lives in his heart! Apparently it leads to suffering or something, not sure if I’ve got that quite right? Anyway, Jess, now that Jared has discovered the joys of dumping people, guess what? No bad blood though, OK? Hate that stuff, we do.

Just a reminder that there are no Comment of the Week posts on my watch. Josh will be back Sept. 10^th; take it up with him!

–Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 8/25/22

I love Jeff’s sly little smile in the second panel here. He seems to be saying “Ha ha, the ladies, amiright? Can’t live with ’em (because you’ll die in a fire), can’t live without ’em (because they have the keys to the storage unit).”

Shoe, 8/25/22

I love the Perfesser’s bird-lady date’s exhausted facial expression in the second panel. The dialogue here is “Ha ha, the ladies, amiright? They just love to argue for the sake of hearing an argument!” But her face tells a very different story, which is “Please let me die.”

Mary Worth, 8/25/22

“Do I want to what? No, see that’s exactly the opposite of what was supposed to happen with this … uhh [makes static noises with her mouth] uhhh you’re breaking up Jared, I’m going into a tunnel [static noises continue]”

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Gil Thorp, 8/23/22

Ohhhh, I get it now! All that bluster from Gil’s new nemesis? It was just flirting! His aggressive on-airpod proclamation that he was faithful to his wife? He means that he and his wife both adhere to the parameters of the rules they’ve laid down for their ethically non-monogamous marriage! Lukey and Fran want to swing, is what I’m saying, right there on the golf course. Take off those plaid shorts — but leave the tam-o-shanter on, coach! Yum!

Daddy Daze, 8/23/22

We’ve met the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth pal/neighbor before, and he and the Daddy Daze daddy have swapped parenting advice/commiseration, but … I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen his kid? Which is weird, considering that the Daddy Daze baby seems to be within “ba”-ing distance of his father 24/7. Based on today’s strip, though, I worry that the goth pal’s child may have fallen to his death from a great height, or that goth pal is going to jump to his death himself, or maybe both.

Mary Worth, 8/23/22

“Third, Jared. You were my third choice. That’s a bronze metal. Bronze. Does anyone care about bronze, Jared? You know what bronze medalists don’t get to do, Jared? They don’t get to dump me! They don’t get to — uh, I mean, I’m glad there’s no bad blood between us…”