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Six Chix, 3/1/19

Wow, these narrow-minded scientists are blinded by their sexist assumptions and won’t ever see Bigfoot … because it doesn’t even occur to them that she might be a woman! Also probably they’re looking for some hairy ape-like creature who’s about seven or eight feet tall, not a human-like creature who’s 60 feet tall and also wearing shoes. In related news, remember this Six Chix, about a lady who fucked a Bigfoot? Is there some kind of rule that to be one of the Six Chix, you have to eventually do a Bigfoot fetish comic, sort of the way you have to be beaten into a gang?

Mark Trail, 3/1/19

I’m not sure which possible scenario here is sadder: that Mark Trail, its publisher King Features, and its parent corporation Hearst Communications are too terrified of irritating intellectual property holders to print the words “Lego” or “[insert whatever TV show you think they’re talking about here, I did some half-assed Googling for ‘red black car TV’ and didn’t find the results illuminating]”; or that Mark and his friends live in a world without the #brands that we know and love, moving through a sea of undifferentiated products that lack any of the value added by the branding process.

Mary Worth, 3/1/19

Estelle’s date #4 is a literal hobo! You gotta admit, of all the ways to scam a free meal out of someone, this isn’t the absolute worst. At least he looks like he’s under 60!

Gil Thorp, 3/1/19

Say what you will about Marty Moon, but he has a certain cunning, and as a lifelong inhabitant/prisoner of the dump that is Milford, he knows exactly what pisses off everyone else who lives there: being reminded that their town is a dump. Guess B/Robby is going to be stuck in the dump forever as well, as punishment!

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Mary Worth, 2/28/19

I suppose the meals in front of our Estelle and Date #3 are supposed be some kind of cruel commentary on their respective weights — willowy Estelle allows herself only a single slice of pizza, whereas the portly gent orders an entire pie — but I’d like to imagine that she’s actually eaten pretty much a whole pizza herself in silence while this dude was too busy weepingly telling her the detailed story of his wholly justified bigamy to even touch his food. Anyway, this reminds me of an internet date I went on where the lady spent the entire time talking about how she was in unrequited love with her best friend. She didn’t cry, but she came close! And the very next date I went on turned out to be with … the person I would eventually marry. So hold out, Estelle! You’re almost there!

Crankshaft, 2/28/19

I like the awkward pause we’re invited to linger on in the second panel here, as Crankshaft and Keesterman and the waitress all nervously contemplate Ralph’s seeming disregard for his own mortality. He’s smiling because it’s all a jape, of course, but for that moment he seems to be saying “Eh? Eh? Finally freeing myself of life in this depressing hell-dimension by doubling down on hedonistic pleasure? Eh?”

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Dustin, 2/27/19

“Ha ha, my husband and I haven’t been able to come up with sexual feelings for one another for years. We sure do fight about money, though!” I’m beginning to grudgingly accept that Dustin is in fact a neutral observer in the ongoing Boomer-Millennial wars, in the sense that it mostly exists to illustrate how both generations suck and that people in general are pretty terrible.

Mary Worth, 2/27/19

I am of course going to bring you detailed coverage of each and every one of Estelle’s hell-paramours for as long as she continues going on dates, or, as the narration box refers to it, has “experiences with online dating,” which sounds like a phrase cooked up by Silverdaters’ marketing team. Anyway, this guy’s a real asshole, but you have to admit that his fashion choices are on point. A purple vest over an olive shirt that has a turquoise-tipped collar, to match his turquoise bolo tie! [chef’s kiss]

Beetle Bailey, 2/27/19

A “fun” thing Beetle Bailey has been doing lately is a series of strips where Beetle is shown to be uninterested in Miss Buxley’s sexual advances. I’m not sure how much body language I can detect in that second panel, but it sure looks like Beetle is sitting there with his arms crossed sullenly. He may have created a makeshift privacy cover, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to neck like a common harlot.