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The Phantom, 10/29/17

Oh, hey, remember this guy? The one who was all hyped to get out of jail after ratting out his former partner? Well, it turns out the warden doesn’t like rats and his fellow prisoners don’t like rats and his former partner definitely doesn’t like rats so it sure seems like his plan is not working out so great! Now I guess some wizened other prisoner who once long ago got punched out by the Phantom is … ratting out the rat? Does the Phantom like rats? Does he like meta-rats who rat out other rats? He seems generally pretty humorless and unforgiving so I assume he likes none of them, but let’s stay tuned to find out!

Mary Worth, 10/29/17

The third funniest thing about Zak’s sudden reappearance is that they’re treating this like he and Iris haven’t seen each other in ages and they’ve really moved along in their life paths since, when actually we last saw him in the strip like eight months ago, which I think translates to about a week and a half in strip time.

The second funniest thing about Zak’s return is the Mary Worth creative team’s apparently belief that, once someone drops out of college to strike it rich in a tech field like game design, they would of course get a haircut and start wearing a suit.

The funniest thing about Zak’s return is that he is definitely not anywhere near smart enough to be a game designer.

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Mary Worth, 10/27/17

Hey, guys, it’s Zak! Zak’s back! Remember how Iris dumped Zak, partly because she couldn’t stop thinking about Wilbur, but also partly because he was too young for her and also kinda dumb? Welp, ever since Wilbur dumped her, Iris has had some chances to re-evaluate things, and here comes Zak, waltzing back into her life! And he got a haircut and a fancy job, or at least some reason to wear a suit, which means maybe he’s matured a little bit. Still got that sexy stubble, though! Everything’s coming up Iris!

Gil Thorp, 10/27/17

I feel like the Gil Thorp powers that be vaguely got wind of an ongoing controversy involving the national anthem and football, and decided to rip it from the headlines but also massage it into something as inoffensive as possible until it becomes this: Rick Soto’s Uncle Gary is putting together an astroturfing campaign to try to trick the school into letting Rick sing the anthem before the next home game, in an attempt to get him to “go viral.” No matter what our political beliefs, I think we can all agree that Uncle Gary should get off Rick’s back, jeez.

Family Circus, 10/27/17

That’s right, Dolly knows the truth: The government makes you get vaccines full of chemicals that keep you docile so you don’t question their authority, WAKE UP SHEEPLE

Six Chix, 10/27/17

Soooooo, are Dracula and Frankenstein gonna … eat those ghosts or what

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Gil Thorp, 10/23/17

THE GIL THORP FOOTBALL SEASON STORY SO FAR: The football team is not great, and quarterback “can do some things well,” so Gil’s gonna resort to some classic Milford trickeration, like “the veer,” which I assume is some dumb weirdo formation from the leather helmet era like the wing-T, and which they’ll practice for weeks only to see it work for exactly three plays until their opponents figure out how to stop it, and also it’ll result in the whole offensive line getting concussed, somehow. Anyhoo, I’m a little in love with panel two here, in which Gil attempts to wow his mediocre quarterback with an expansive gesture in the direction of a 2009-vintage netbook where he’s managed to figure out how to make the file folders on his desktop different colors.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/23/17

Oh, right, that’s what happened to Buck’s abusive ex: she went to jail! Briefly, and none of the safeguards that were supposedly put in place actually worked. This continues to be a depressingly accurate depiction of how domestic abusers operate.

Mary Worth, 10/23/17

I think it’s a fantastic touch that Iris imagines Wilbur’s girlfriend as being the same height as him, and with greying hair. Like she’s hung up on on him and even she can’t get her head around this.

Crankshaft, 10/23/17

OH YEAH IT’S FALL AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: CRANKSHAFT IS MAKING JOKES ABOUT PUMPKIN SPICE COFFEE! Anyway, anything that makes Ed Crankshaft so furious can’t possibly be bad, so it’s official: pumpkin spice is extremely good now.