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Gil Thorp, 4/7/08

And so the Frank Bolle era, which was always intended to be transitional, passes on into history, and we meet the new permanent Gil Thorp artist: Rod Whigham! Rod’s reign of terror begins, naturally, with Gil thrusting his ass at his wife as he roots through the refrigerator, desperately looking for some sweet, sweet booze to take the edge off of his Andrew Gregory-blighted existence. I heartily approve of Gil’s awesomely chiseled flattop, manly nose, and protruding Adam’s apple, along with the return of the detached hideous claw-hands (gripping the cold one in panel two), Mimi in a vest for some reason, and a bowl full of unidentifiable ovoids sitting on the kitchen table. Yes, sir, Rod, you and I are going to get along together … just fine. There’d better be some damn earrings on Coach Kaz, though.

Dick Tracy, 4/7/08

One thing I don’t approve of in the new Gil Thorp is the use of Comic Sans for the dialog text, an affliction that seems to have metastasized into Dick Tracy today. While I don’t harbor the same animosity towards the font that some do, I do think that using a font that’s available on just about everyone’s home computer makes a strip look less polished. Admittedly, it’s not my hand cramping up from writing out the completely demented dialog in Gil Thorp or Dick Tracy, but I think the handwritten text looks better.

On the other hand, having Dick Tracy’s dialog all computer-y does makes it look like it was automatically and badly translated from the Chinese, which sort of makes the strip easier to enjoy, for some reason. Also, I think IN ANOTHER ROOM may be the lamest narration box ever. If you really need to make that clear, you always could just, you know, draw it differently.

Mary Worth, 4/7/08

Oh, man, Donna Amalfi in room 305, Mary Worth is going to meddle the hell out of you. She’s probably not actually bereaved at all, but just interested in learning more about a potential new career path while she recovers from routine surgery, but that won’t stop Mary’s relentless attempts to make her realize that life is still worth living, and that inside every cloud is a silver lining, and tomorrow is another day, and blah blah blah YOU CANNOT STOP HER SHE IS A MONSTER.

Family Circus, 4/7/08

“I only know how to think and feel in terms of references to products and corporate marketing! I’m the bastard, malformed spawn of late-stage capitalism!”

Apartment 3-G, 4/7/08

Now that Frank Bolle is done with his Gil Thorp stint, he’s free to dedicate his full attention to Apartment 3-G. Today, using only Blaze’s wordless expressions, he masterfully captures what it feels like to watch some junkie grope your cousin while prattling on with a bunch of nonsense that nobody in the room actually buys.

One Big Happy, 4/7/08

“And the bodies we hid in the shed are starting to smell!”

Dennis the Menace, 4/7/08

[uncontrollable shuddering]

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I know, I’m almost late for the comments of the week! But you have to hold out for another moment, ’cause I have a few other points of interest for you:

• Faithful reader yellowjkt has unveiled his annual comics competition, this year called the National Corniest Cliché Comic Character Countdown. Voting is still open in the first category, Alarming Alcoholics.
• I have for about ever been meaning to link to faithful reader One-Eyed Wolfdog’s take on the eternal “what is a plugger?” question: Some People.
• Faithful reader Jon sent me this link to an essay called Mary Worth: Erotica in plain sight. It’s every bit as disturbing as the title would suggest.
• And, finally, the Scots appear to have help for Rex Morgan’s MRSA problem. Perhaps the Heather and Milton could give him the inside track?

And now, the comment of the week you’ve been waiting for!

“I’m pretty sure, in the Funkiverse, when you move out of your parents’ house, you move directly into hospice.” –Islamorada Girl

And the hilarious runners up!

“‘Haha, no ring for you, Margo! I’m even studying with Caine’s old teacher, learning amazing, kung fu Zen powers to avoid marriage!’ You’ll need ’em, Eric. You’ll need ’em.” –Buck Ripsnort

“If Mary Worth is about to find God in the mashed potatoes, and then claim that her self-righteous, narrow-minded nosey-parkering has all been done in the name of Jesus, I’m going to introduce a class-action libel suit. As a Christian, I’ll share the blame for the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition. But not by-God MARY WORTH.” –boojum

“I predict emotional blackmail ahead as Elly tries to guilt Liz into breaking down and wearing the family dress instead of something new that doesn’t reek of mouse urine and repressed emotions.” –Duckman30

“What is Dennis’s teacher so worried about? That he might make some puns or, god forbid, wisecracks? If Dennis is a menace he is still a poor man’s Jeffy.” –Foobar

“Who would ever have guessed that Deanna would show Lizardbreath Grannie’s moldy old dress? And it even fits perfectly! I’m so lost in all these unexpected plot twists, I just don’t know what to say. It’s like — if a tree falls in the forest and everyone already knows it will fall, does anyone actually care anymore when it happens?” –Hugin

“Using her typical selective hearing, Margo has misheard Eric’s ‘tell me all about Lu Ann’s show’ as ‘Margo, how did you get to be so amazing?’ She’s predictably excited that she gets to break out her laminated list of bullet points.” –Tats

“Gasoline Alley: Man. Non-stop ‘Hawhaw, look at th’ caw-widge boy, ain’t he funny’ humor that’ll have you rolling in the aisles, assuming you live in the 1930s and are reading the panels via some sort of century-spanning scrying techniques.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“I think ‘taking it slow’ is a Lynn Johnston euphemism for ‘oops, I’m pregnant.'” –commodorejohn

“I thought my mother got rid of my bar mitzvah suit early in 1962, when she gave it to Goodwill, but I see that Mark Trail is wearing it.” –LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL

“Her friend’s parents said a prayer, announced that Mary was always welcome at their table, and fed her. Conflating these events, Mary now believes she is Moloch the Devourer.” –Uncle Lumpy

“The only thing that can save the MW flashback at this point is if young Mary’s life is changed by witnessing a fight between a bear and a velociraptor. And maybe the bear has a laser cannon.” –Smokehouse

“Francis looks far more satisfied with himself than a man who’s going to a bar with his mom has any right to be. He does however look exactly as satisfied as a man who can humiliate his mother by carrying her like a ball should be.” –Corkey

“On the whole RMMD MRSA thing: I thought the CDC handled stuff like that. It does seem awfully amateur. ‘Hey! My dad has a morgue! Let’s put on an investigation of a disease outbreak!'” –indrifan

“And once again, the Persuader fails to persuade someone to do something. He’s failure wrapped in a green suit and orange-striped tie.” –Inspector Dim

“Spider-Man: Panels 4-7 look like a scene from Fantastic Voyage: The Colonoscopy.” –Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol

“I seriously doubt that anything interesting has ever happened to Toby. I mean, look at who she married and who her best friend is. Xanax would be redundant for her.” –Brick Bradford

“June and her nurse pal are just a little bit too smug about how well-prepared they are to fight disease. But I suppose when the MD in the strip is as blitheringly incompetent at medicine as Rex seems to be, having a gallon jug of sanitizer would feel like something to boast about.” –Trilobite

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For Better Or For Worse, 3/31/08

My wife asked me to pass on this message to Ellie, Connie, and Lynn Johnston: IF YOUR ONLY CHILD IS A SON, YOU WILL NEVER GET TO BE A MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW GAY HE IS.

I have no idea what exactly this strip’s patented Foob Pun is supposed to mean. Unless it involves owning your children like barnyard animals. Then you can mate them to suit your purposes and dress them up exactly the way you always fantasized about, and you don’t have to care about what they want or think! OK, it’s beginning to make sense.

Dick Tracy, 3/31/08

The current Dick Tracy storyline, in which a sinister villain is holding a batch of prominent citizens hostage in his mansion and Dick has snuck inside the compound inside an “antique Chinese kwanxoi” (a nonsense phrase we’ve heard repeated about six dozen times at this point) is pointless and dumb. Still, I admit that I’m not immune to the charms of today’s final panel, in which Detective Tracy is slithering out of the belly of this horse like some heavily armed intestinal parasite.

Mary Worth, 3/31/08

N … no! No Toby flashback! No! In the name of all that is good and holy, NO!

It may already be too late to stop it. Still, I’m hoping that Toby’s glassy-eyed stare in panel two is not meant to indicate that she’s casting her mind back to her pre-trophy-wife childhood days, but merely that she’s all Xanax’d to the gills, as usual.

Garfield, 3/31/08

Jon is about start peeing on everything. Garfield is right to leave.