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Spider-Man, 11/6/07

Oh, thank God, Spider-Man is here to crack the case with the proportional Google-searching ability … of a spider! With its, uh, many legs, all the better to tap out Google query after Google query with. The sad thing is that this exact set of ground-breaking detection techniques was also on display a month ago in Gil Thorp. Except that the Milford kids are are a bunch of no-talent losers with nothing better to do but sit around surfing the net all day, while Spider-Man is … oh, wait. At least Peter Parker is offering us some beefcake action by leaving his old man pajamas unbuttoned. In a few years, there will inevitably be a romance novel that features someone on its cover passionately Googling something, and it will look a little something like this. Only better drawn.

Mary Worth, 11/6/07

Something very, very deep inside Mary Worth caused her to offer to pay good money to save the life of some dumb dog, and in panel two you can tell that she’s fighting it with every fiber of her being. She can barely choke out the part of the sentence after “I’ll”; her teeth are gritted so fiercely that her face is transformed into a grim, deathly rictus (more so than usual, I mean); and her hand is clutching at the black, empty hole where her heart is supposed to be. And there will be payback. Oh yes, there will be payback. That dog is going to wish it died on the side of the road with a modicum of dignity.

9 Chickweed Lane, 11/6/07

Hot, hot possible thing Francis will be asking Diane to “indulge” him in: Hot, hot and totally papally sanctioned ex-priest-on-ex-nun-side-of-the-road sex in the back seat.

Horrifying and disturbing and more probable thing Francis will be asking Diane to “indulge” him in: “…so I told Thorax he could tag along on our wedding night. Hope that’s OK!”

Apartment 3-G, 11/6/07

YES PLEASE YES THE DAY OF WRATH APPROACHES

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Wasting time on the Internet on this hour-longer, falling-back Saturday night? Perhaps you might enjoy these contributions from various faithful readers! First off, faithful reader Alley Cat offers this comparison between pre- and post-jump Funky Winkerbean (the character, not the strip). Boy, the hard life of a franchise-founding plutocrat will take a toll on a guy:

Those of you who haven’t seen it will probably also enjoy faithful reader Dingo’s video masterpiece, the Saga of Vera and Drew:

Dingo is also responsible for a brilliant Flash animation called “Mary Worth’s Bicycle Ride”; check it out on his site.

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Apartment 3-G, 11/1/07

OH SNAP!

I mean, literally. Snap. There’s a big “snap” there in the second panel.

For some reason.

It’s not like “snap” is the noise a phone makes when you hang it up or something.

Kind of weird.

Anyway.

This little tiff does nothing to dissuade me from rooting for the inevitable Margo-Sam pairing. We all like a little drama in our fictional romances, am I right? They’re the Tracy and Hepburn of the new millennium, as indicated by the fact that Margo is trying to haul off and punch Sam in the second panel. Ha ha, silly Margo! You can’t punch a person through the phone! Sadly, technology has not advanced to that point yet.

Spider-Man, 11/1/07

So do we have to add anti-Hellenism to Spider-Man’s long list of crimes? So many of the traditional libels against the Greek people — that they control the media, that they enjoy blowing up innocent newspaper trucks, that they have a weakness for hideous faux-Rococo decor, that their inordinate vanity drives them to sculpt their eyebrows into upswept, Romulan-style points — are on display here. I’d be outraged if Spider-Man didn’t as a rule lull me into a state of ennui-tinged semi-consciousness.

Mary Worth, 11/1/07

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD MARY IS GOING TO TAKE THIS INJURED DOG BACK TO HER APARTMENT AND NURSE IT BACK TO HEALTH! You read it here first. She’ll use it as a proud emblem of her newfound philosophy that we should love with “simplicity and purity,” as the animals do. Then, of course, the inappropriate urination will begin.