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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/5/14

After weeks of being mad that their babysitter was a terrible little whore, June has now, reluctantly, come around to the conclusion that the problem is really that her daughter is a blackmailing monster, and so she’s going to have a little talk with Kelly about the situation. Sarah’s creepy, unsmiling gaze, locked on Kelly in both panels, is pretty harrowing. “Remember, Kelly, snitches get stitches,” is what that look is very, very forcefully saying.

Judge Parker, 5/5/14

April is of course a well-trained intelligence agent and highly skilled killer, but it’s her long experience with her new in-laws that will help her out in this scenario. Remember, when trying to track down a member of the Spencer-Driver-Parker clan, just follow the trail of discarded cocktail glasses!

Spider-Man, 5/5/14

Say what you will about the ludicrous “Iron Jonah” plot that’s just now wrapping up, but it did feature a surprising amount of super-heroic action! Thank goodness that’s over so we can spend the next one to four weeks on more familiar ground, with some good old-fashioned feelings-processing.

Apartment 3-G, 5/5/14

“Keep it up, Tommie! You’ve isolated yourself from your friends and you’re working yourself to exhaustion for no pay at the command of this weird, controlling dude you barely know, and you’re still talking about that baby deer like it’s a person! You look great, in that sweater you’ve been wearing for three weeks straight! I’m an actual psychiatrist, by the way!”

Pluggers and Shoe, 5/5/14

THEY’RE BIRDS DAMN IT

BIRDS

BIRDS DON’T WEAR DENTURES AND THEY DON’T GO TO THE DENTIST AND THEY DON’T FLOSS BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE TEEEEETH

GOD DAMN IT

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Blondie, 4/28/14

Haha yes but … that’s a lamp, right? With a little antenna on it? The joke is that she’s pretending it’s a “conversation piece” art object but she really just went and bought a lamp with maybe a radio alarm clock in it? That’s the joke? Because otherwise the Blondie artist was faced with the challenge of drawing something truly strange, an baffling object sure to inspire conversation among everyone who catches a glimpse of it, and ended up drawing a combination desk lamp/clock radio. And that would be sad.

Pluggers, 4/28/14

I was willing to tolerate Pluggers using a vaguely suggestive phrase as a caption for a cartoon depicting wholesome gardening activities. However, today’s panel, in which the sexual ecstasy young people enjoy on the dance floor is cruelly contrasted with their bodies’ inevitable decay into an aged state where even walking is an agony, goes too far for my taste.

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/14

At last! The Margo we know and love is back! The Margo we know and love is a violent sociopath willing to resort to kidnapping or worse to impose her vision of correctness on her social circle and even her closest friends. Hope you were aware of that when you decided to know and love her! You’re in it for the long haul now.

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Pluggers, 4/23/14

I certainly don’t begrudge the Pluggers creative team their occasional week off to run Plugger Classics, as I’m sure depicting honest, hard-working Americans making do the best they can as freakish man-animals gets exhausting after a while. I am a little unsettled by today’s vague double entendre, which may be intended to dovetail with the whole “spring break” theme. However, if Friday’s installment is “PLUGGERS GONE WILD” and features the pluggers casting off their clothes, cars, and other anthropomorphic aspects and just straight up going at each other like predator and prey, I’ll be willing to forgive a lot.

Mark Trail, 4/23/14

Speaking of predators and prey, new-school Mark Trail not only loves his wife but engages in straight-up combat with enraged bears. ALL HAIL THE NEW ORDER.