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Blondie, 5/31/07

I think panel two may be the first time in living memory that the art in Blondie has actually charmed me. Naturally, it consists of Dagwood transforming into some kind of horrible flame-tongued demon. The third panel, with his eyelids heavy and his antennae unravelling, is nice too.

Amusing (and totally in character) is the fact that compulsive eater Dagwood dives into his chili without waiting to find out what its rating is. It’s just one more data point about whatever it is he’s going to pour down his insatiable gullet.

One Big Happy, 5/31/07

I don’t pretend to understand the slang that the kids use today, but I’m guessing that “bustin’ up with” is some kind of code for terminating a romantic liaison. This kind of age- and good-taste-inappropriate imagined relationship has precedent with Joe. At least today’s instance is less traumatic than this, or (shudder) this.

I also note that Joe and Ruthie’s mother appears to be sending a bottle of booze as a gift to their teachers, which indicates a very clear-sighted understanding of what her kids are like.

Pluggers, 5/31/07

This is why 35-year-old male pluggers spend so much time around high schools. And why female pluggers tend to die alone after falling and breaking a hip.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 5/31/07

And here’s faithful reader Trotzenbonnie’s second TDIET since Monday! She’s managed to provide this feature with roughly 28 percent of its material this week. I have to say that I’m always a little disturbed by the common TDIET combo, seen in the top panel, of super-angry face and open palm — it always looks like a lot of slapping’s about to happen. But I admit to giggling at “blows his toupee.”

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They’ll Do It Every Time, 5/26/07

For many, TDIET is a glimpse into a kinder, gentler past, when doctors and nurses wore bright white starched uniforms and little kids of both genders wore plaid vests and inevitably responded to obscenity with a hearty “Oh, what you sa-a-a-a-i-d.” But today’s installment for me offers a look into the future — specifically, my future wearing dentures. Who knew that this seemingly innocuous prosthetic device came with its own elaborate code of shame? Who knew that breaking your dentures while eating is somehow socially acceptable to explain to a licensed dental professional, but that breaking your dentures while brushing them is not? I think I’ll redouble my flossing efforts so as to avoid ever having to navigate this complex sea of lies.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/26/07

Yes, isn’t it odd that people are willing to idly pass the time discussing potentially untrue things written in a modern publication, but aren’t willing to wholeheartedly base their moral code and belief system about how the universe works on the exact wording of a series of books written between three thousand and seventeen hundred years ago and painstakingly copied by hand by semiliterates over and over again in the intervening centuries? I sure see exactly how this might confuse you.

On another note, I dare you to brightly say the following to one of your friends: “Wow, check out the latest on the hotel socialite! The stuff they say about her really makes you think, doesn’t it?” I’m pretty sure you’ll soon find yourself in an interrogation room at CIA headquarters, since obviously the only person who would construct such a sentence would be a sinister robot scouting out our planet and reporting back to an alien invasion fleet.

Pluggers, 5/26/07

Wow, I was really torn between saying “Pluggers are almost unfathomably lazy” and “Pluggers really don’t understand how this stuff works,” but then I realized that I didn’t have to choose! That made me feel better.

Gil Thorp, 5/26/07

“That’s right, I have it on good authority that he’s being scouted by the Baltimore Elite Giants and the Pittsburgh Keystones! Believe me, Mike’s got what it takes to have a real future in the Negro leagues.”

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Dennis the Menace, 5/24/07

Dennis’ black, shriveled heart does not understand this feeling you call “love.”

Gil Thorp, 5/24/07

The Lady Mudlark softball team ought to forget about breast cancer and get Brynna Antenna to a reconstructive surgeon who can do something about her leathery mask of a face.

Family Circus, 5/24/07

Billy will go far.

For Better Or For Worse, 5/24/07

April can destroy things with her mind.

The Lockhorns, 5/24/07

The Lockhorns’ marriage is so depressing that it defies all human understanding.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/24/07

Child labor is alive and well in Appalachia, or the Ozarks, or wherever the hell this strip is supposed to be set.

Pluggers, 5/24/07

Or died. He may well be dead.