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Pluggers, 8/3/06

Sooo … Grandma’s a Plugger, daughter-in-law isn’t? Oooh, mixed marriage: edgy. Daughter-in-law is wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase, so she’s clearly some sort of ball-breaking feminist lesbian professional woman. I see a kidnapping/multi-state chase in the near future, followed by a circus trial in which the “a working mother is by definition a child abuser” argument serves as the main defense.

Mary Worth, 8/3/06

Of course, they had to clean it up for the funny pages. I have it on pretty good authority that this is what Mary actually said:

“Is this some sort of motherfucking joke? Huh? Does it look like I’m motherfucking laughing to you, motherfucker? Get your punk-ass hands away from me!”

And then it just sort of goes on like that for a while.

Even without the cussing, I think I can say with some confidence that there’s only one other person in the last two years who’s made Mary this mad:

That’s right: Aldo Kelrast is now officially as awesome a Mary Worth character as Rita Begler. After a lull of some months, this strip is back on top of its ridonculous game.

Gil Thorp, 8/3/06

“That’s right, on my legs! My long, smooth, totally unscarred legs! So you see, we’re really a lot alike, except in all the ways that actually matter for this discussion. What I’m trying to say is, I want you to wear this bag over your head at the next meet.”

Dick Tracy, 8/3/06

“Thanks for showing me the outside of your wallet, detective! I’ll do anything you say now.”

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Dennis the Menace, 7/27/06

I’m not sure if that’s Mr. the Menace in the background with the surfboard, but Dennis clearly is learning at the beach that his dad’s no paragon of hunkery. In this twisted act of marital warfare, he shows that he’s taking his menacing out of the world of mere mischief and into the dark realm of psychological destruction.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/27/06

Yeah, because it was so much more naughty back when it was up … on her … thigh? My guess is that in the original joke, the tattoo was somewhere a bit below something a lot naughtier (on her stomach?) and then the powers at be forced the poor strip back into the Herb and Jamaal Prison of Blandness and Inoffensiveness. (It’s not the first time it’s happened, either.)

Pluggers, 7/27/06

OK, even when I hate Pluggers, I generally get Pluggers, but this is just baffling. Do non-Pluggers hold their dogs in such contempt that they just say things that excite them, not caring about the emotional roller-coaster ride it puts them on? Do non-Pluggers just have extremely stupid dogs? Or maybe it’s that Pluggers are themselves quasi-beasts, and so their language is close enough to that of the true dogs that interspecies communication is almost possible? Or maybe, just maybe, it’s stupid and doesn’t make any sense and DAMN YOU PLUGGERS FOR MAKING ME THINK ABOUT THIS DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Anyway, if you’d like a little Pluggers spoofery from the fellow who brought you that TDIET takeoff the other day, click here.

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Pluggers, 7/19/06

With this three-pizza impulse-buy dinner, I begin to see the origin of both Rhino-Man’s rhino-like girth and his serious financial difficulties.

Apartment 3-G, 7/19/06

While you might think that this presages sitcom-style misunderstandings and complications and wackiness, Lucy knows full well, just like the rest of us, that nobody loves Tommie.

Spider-Man, 7/19/06

Hold on, there, Spidey, you forgot to take off your … no, wait, it’s going to be much funnier if he doesn’t realize.

Slylock Fox, 7/19/06

The world’s cheeriest pignappers are stealing the world’s smallest pig from the world’s jumpiest farmer.

Gasoline Alley, 7/19/06

I found this funnier than anything else in the comics today; does that make me a bad person?