Post Content

Luann, 9/6/24

I won’t trouble you with the months-long “Brad and Toni consider having a child, then reconsider after caring for Toni’s niece Shannon” narrative. But it firmly established two principles of marital sex (ugh, “romance”) in Luann: 1) Sex is permitted for procreation only, and 2) the presence of a child in the home absolutely precludes any sex. That’s why Brad looks so giddy in the last panel: he knows he’ll have sex with his wife exactly once in the next eighteen years, so he figures it must be really great.

9 Chickweed Lane, 9/6/24

These people, on the other hand, are having sex all the time, on pianos, under restaurant booths, in showers, and most of all in lakes. All, with the merciful exception of Lolly there, who is underage and just talks about sex all the time while her swain Alistair mumbles and hiccups erotically in reply. Hugh may be a foul-mouthed brute, but he’s an articulate foul-mouthed brute.

Pluggers, 9/6/24

Married pluggers acknowledge and respect their spouses’ separate interests, and remain affectionate with no need to climb all over each other all the time. Pluggers are well-adjusted!

Crankshaft, 9/6/24

Apparently the Burnings referenced in the final days of Funky Winkerbean started when Les Moore bought copies of the banned Fahrenheit 451 for “Booksmellers” to give away to his students. Pretty on-brand that the insufferable Les triggered a civilization-ending apocalypse! Pretty efficient of a censor-arsonist to target bookstores: “Eh, choosing’s hard; I’ll just burn all the books!” And pretty surprising that Lillian’s walkup firetrap survived the blazes.

Or is it? We know Lillian is a spiteful harridan who ruined sister Lucy’s love life out of petty envy, and left her to die alone in hospice care. Is it really beyond her to torch competitors, the bastards, so she can maybe sell a few damn books once in a while? Don’t dig too deep, Skip Townes, you may not like what you find!

Why hello there, faithful reader! I’m subbing for Josh through Sunday the 22^nd, with a sampling of the Comics Even Josh Won’t Read Because He Doesn’t Have To, as well as plenty of old familiars. If you run into any issues with the site or subscriber emails contact me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net and I’ll do what I can to help. Enjoy!

—Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/27/24

Ha, get it, you thought she wanted Ernie to stop smoking tobacco, a dangerous and expensive habit … but in fact, “smoking” could mean a number of different things! Thus the ambiguity. Not clear what Ernie’s wife has against smoking brisket. Seems like a pretty harmless and honestly delicious hobby to me. But you can figure that one out on your own. What, am I supposed to hold your hand on every little thing?

Mary Worth, 8/27/24

This is good! She’s going to get to the convention and find out that the reception theme is “fancy ball/exotic zoo,” and see that it’s really tacky and off-putting. “Won’t be doing that for our wedding!” she’ll think. “Really dodged a bullet there.”

Six Chix, 8/27/24

Hey, were you wondering what’s up with the Tuesday Chik, last seen being cucked by avocado toast? Well, she’s cruising for sex at pizza parties now. Sad!

Pluggers, 8/27/24

WHAT THE HELL PLUGGERS I HAVE BEEN READING YOU FOR 18 YEARS AND NEVER ONCE IN THAT TIME HAVE I THOUGHT “I WANT TO SEE A JOKE ABOUT PLUGGER CLEAVAGE” WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND HOW CAN I MAKE YOU STOP

Post Content

PROGRAMMING NOTE: haha whoops I screwed up the days for several posts this week, here’s Wednesday’s if you haven’t seen that yet

Dennis the Menace, 8/8/24

Look, I respect the effort here — the fundmental underlying joke is pretty good, Alice’s indignant facial expression is funny, and Dennis looking genuinely hurt in the background is a nice touch. “Lived to tell about it.com” isn’t a great URL, though, because it honestly sounds like a site for something a lot more traumatic and kind of spoils the mood, and a much bigger problem is that it’s a website at all. A group of modern young baby sitters is simply not going to go to the trouble to buy a domain name and then set up a WordPress account for a group blog or whatever. They’d set up a community on social media somewhere — Facebook, maybe, Facebook groups have had a little bit of a comeback with younger people, or maybe whatever the TikTok equivalent is. Or a private Discord server! There probably isn’t a TikTok equivalent, now that I think about it, not that I would know, because I don’t go on there. What happens on TikTok is none of my business. The important thing is that I know that I don’t know, which Socrates would say makes me smart. I’m going to run with that. Anyway, nice try but botched execution, Dennis the Menace, I give this 6 out of 10 stars.

Gearhead Gertie, 8/8/24

I’ve decided that my favorite kind of Gearhead Gertie panels are the ones where she’s antagonizing her husband. This one is great because you could imagine that the joke is that this is the thinnest of pretenses over her attempts to establish a throuple, but it’s actually much more wholesome (or, depending on how you see it, more perverse): it’s all exactly as it seems, she just loves NASCAR that much, and it makes her husband crazy. The cable guy, despite his unconventional new living situation, doesn’t seem to notice this drama, or care about it if he does. He’s just happy to be there!

Pluggers, 8/8/24

These two pluggers aren’t just romantically smiling at each other after dinner. Obviously they are doing that — those tight faces and bugged out eyes simply scream “romance” — but there’s aslo something more to it. Thanks for cluing us in, Pluggers!