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Beetle Bailey, 10/12/23

I don’t know if General Halftrack’s rambling comeback here is supposed to be funny (it isn’t) or if it’s supposed to indicate that he’s flustered and not very smart so the only comeback he can unleash is this unfunny word salad (which also isn’t funny even in a meta way). Either way, not good. I know that a lot of times I take my “Comics Curmudgeon” mission as a chance to riff on some intellectual or social or artistic theme, but sometimes I just gotta point to a strip and say “You didn’t do so hot today, friend.”

Shoe, 10/12/23

Someday I’m going to be senile and in a home somewhere and will have forgotten the names and faces of everyone I’ve ever loved, but certain bits of terrible knowledge will just be burned into my decaying brain forever. “Birds and other animals with cloacae don’t really have sphincters like mammals and just pee and poop freely all day” is one of those facts that will never leave me, and I’m reasonably sure I learned it while researching a post about Shoe. All these bird-people should be wearing adult diapers, is what I’m saying.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/12/23

I’m not going to say that this long, shaggy-dog Mud apology tour/Mirakle Method storyline would be redeemed if it ends with Truck summarily firing Buck as his agent and taking on this criminal as an agent. But, like, I wouldn’t be mad about it, either.

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Blondie, 10/4/23

Look, I’m not going to say that this guy is a spitting image rendition of Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men, but his hair is weird in a way that’s kind of adjacent to the way Bardem’s hair was weird in that movie, and Chigurh’s whole gimmick was that he would make people flip a coin and if they lost he would kill them? Which seems like a strange thing to reference in the syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie but, you know, they gotta make hundreds of these a year, eventually they’re gonna get strange with it. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, RIP Blondie Bumstead (1930-2023), you taught me that it was OK to be a flapper who marries above your class.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/4/23

“You’re on my list! My list of people I’m going to convince to turn themselves in to the cops and sign over valuable intellectual property to me. I’m back and I’m badder than ever! Plus I have mind powers now!”

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Hagar the Horrible, 9/30/23

I think it’s very interesting that Hagar is ostentatiously drinking from a golden chalice in this strip. He and his warband have finally gorged themselves on enough material goods from the dying Carolingian Empire that they no longer need to exchange all the gold they steal to support their immediate material needs and can afford ornamental frippery. It makes sense, then, that today’s episode is a catty comedy of manners that could just as easily be taking place in the comfortable suburban world of Hagar and Helga’s distant Walker-Browne descendents Hi and Lois.

Gil Thorp, 9/30/23

Look, I can barely keep track of the sports stuff going on in Gil Thorp, OK? If you’re gonna try to tell me that Barnes and this blonde girl used to be involved romantically and I’m supposed to remember that, I’m simply going to say that I don’t have the spoons to deal with it at the moment, and will retreat to my comfort zone (staring in mesmerized awe at the detached claw-hand that has latched on to Barnes’ sweaty fact in panel three).

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/30/23

So wait, all these guys are criminals? Every last one of them? But they’re still boring as hell?

Dick Tracy, 9/30/23

Uh oh, looks like Tracy has a new nemesis in — The Case Of The Guy With A Knife Who Loves To Stab!