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Funky Winkerbean, 10/1/19

Welp, it’s looking more and more like Bull really did do a suicide by cliff, or maybe he just has dementia and it was an accident, and we’ll never know one way or another! There are a couple things we know for certain, though: he certainly died in agony trapped in the twisted metal of his car, and Linda really should’ve hidden those keys better, if she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life obsessing over this. Funky Winkerbean, everybody!

Six Chix, 10/1/19

There’s a lot I don’t understand about today’s Six Chix. Like, I’m not a tea guy, but I’ve drunk enough to know that it’s perfectly possible to do so without experiencing happiness, especially if you’re a board-certified grouch. Meanwhile, the lady in this strip seems to be way into this dude’s negativity, like it’s their weird version of S&M. “Yes, Harold, deny yourself pleasure, wallow in crankiness, my goodness.” Also, is having a tiny little plate for a single fried egg really a thing? Those are the high points, those are three things I don’t really understand about today’s Six Chix, but I think it’s a good jumping off place for discussion.

Crankshaft, 10/1/19

Man, if you had asked me what awful conspiracy theory bullshit Crankshaft would’ve gotten into, I definitely would’ve guessed QAnon, but the anti-vaxx stuff tracks as well, honestly.

Blondie, 10/1/19

There are obviously any number of ways this strip indicates a near-total ignorance of how Uber, a ridesharing service that’s been around for close a decade, works in practice, but I think an underrated one is the guy saying “Here’s the Bumsteads’ estate, sir!” as he pulls up.

Zits, 10/1/19

ME: Ugh, I hate how in so much of pop culture, but especially comic strips, people who are parents of teens and little kids are matched up with Baby Boomer cultural signifiers like Woodstock and disco, even though that’s completely wrong here in the year 2019. This is one of my pet peeves! Please be more accurate, comics!

THE COMIC STRIP ZITS: Fine, we’ll do a strip about Walt, the dad in Zits, and we’ll have him discussing recognizable cultural touchstones from your youth, and also the joke will be that this demonstrates that he’s incredibly old, like literally a dinosaur.

ME: Noooooo … not like this. Not like this.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/28/19

I don’t know why, but I find it hilarious that the vendor is walking away from his hot dog cart as he counts his money. Sarge is going to finish off the hot dogs, drink all the ketchup and mustard, then eat the cart itself, presumably using the umbrella to pick his teeth.

Six Chix, 9/28/19

“Probably makes your job sound like a real downer, huh? You find a lot of dead bodies in your line of work? Gross.”

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Six Chix, 9/17/19

I want to pass over the actual joke at the core of today’s Six Chix (ha ha, moms sure love wine, amiright) and actually get into the visual shorthand being deployed here to establish that this is, in fact, a high-powered businessman, which, no matter what else I say about it, I have to admit that it worked, because we can all agree this is supposed to be a high-powered businessman, right? Anyway, our high-powered businessman is wearing a grey suit, obviously; he’s also wearing what appears to be a backpack with that suit, which more and more people are doing nowadays, but he’s also carrying a briefcase, because that’s a more universal high-powered businessman signifier, I guess. He’s also heading down into the subway, to establish he’s in New York City, the Big Apple, the nexus of all high-powered businessman energy (I will refrain from going on at great insufferable length about how the A, D, F, 1, 3, and 6 lines do not intersect anywhere). Finally, he’s yelling into his phone, which is a thing that high-powered businessmen do, the way they get things done. Who exactly is he ordering wine from? Is this a thing you can do in New York: order wine, over the phone? I’m definitely not high-powered enough to know!

(UPDATE: I 100% read the old woman in the background as just walking by on the sidewalk, which I think is fair given that her body language is not that different from the other dude on the sidewalk, and she was small because she’s a little further away, but I think commenters are right that she’s supposed to be the mother in question and … tiny? And strapped to his back? Like a …baby would be? Jesus, this fucking strip.)

Family Circus, 9/17/19

This isn’t just another Dolly malapropism, folks: PJ’s a robot! The older Keane Kids are biological units, but, I think we can all agree, those experiments were failures. PJ’s the next generation: cleaner, more efficient. He’s the future.