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Crankshaft, 4/30/18

Man, Crankshaft sure drops a lot of pills, doesn’t he? Remember when he had to beg the doctor for more pills, because he keeps dropping them? I don’t know his specific medical situation, but I’m assuming he needs those pills to live, right. And he keeps dropping them. I think you see what I’m getting at, wink wink, nudge nudge (it’s Crankshaft dying of some preventable disease because he kept dropping pills, and nobody being sad because he’s a mean old jerk who everybody dislikes).

Six Chix, 4/30/18

I’ve got a lot swirling around my mind looking at this panel — like, what’s a robot’s “family”? is this supposed to be in a bar or a kitchen in someone’s house? since circuit boards are what robot brains are made of, is this cannibalism, or just the equivalent of eating meat, assuming the boards’ specs are lower than the ones inside the robot? — but I can’t get past the idea of the robot eating. Like, eating? Putting a circuit board in its mouth-slot and … eating it? Nah. Not working for me. Sorry, Six Chix, I’m gonna pass on this one.

The Phantom, 4/30/18

I know I normally don’t “get political” on this website, but I know that some of my followers are keenly interested in depictions of young, ripped, mustachioed Mitt Romney engaging in some recreational breath play, and who am I to fail to bring them the good news?

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Crankshaft, 3/26/18

Oh hey what’s up how are you feeling on a Monday morning are you emotionally prepared for Crankshaft’s daughter walking in on him surfing for cyberporn, right there at the desk in their home office??? Of course you aren’t, now here’s a closeup of what Ed Crankshaft’s face looks like when he finally finds some porn he likes:

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/26/18

Oh, I’m sorry, did you find that unpleasant? Do you want to purge the image from your mind? Here, here’s one to replace it: a beloved dog with all of its flesh peeled off its skull, exposing the glistening bone beneath, yet somehow still alive, his eyes goggling in unimaginable horror but his jaws, no longer attached to any muscles or tendons, unable to open, so he must remain silent for what presumably is the very short remainder of his life.

Six Chix, 3/26/18

Ha ha, after all that, today’s Six Chix, about a woman who keeps three children (possibly hers, possibly not) prisoner in her basement seems positively wholesome!

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Family Circus, 3/23/18

The image of Jeffy wandering cheerfully around the house, having somehow gotten access to a dangerous implement like a hammer, is of course something you don’t forget, so I was pleased to find justification for the déjà vu I felt seeing today’s Family Circus panel: this is basically just a zoom-in on a panel from six years ago, though I accept that the original art is probably much older than that, dating from an era when it was socially acceptable to just leave blunt instruments lying around the house where your toddlers could find them. Anyway, the 2012 version featured Jeffy offering to “play doctor” with Big Daddy Keane, by which I mean threatening to smash his kneecaps with a hammer; in today’s installment, Jeffy announces that anyone who tries to reduce the volume of his ruckus will get a hammer to the face.

Pluggers, 3/23/18

One of the most dangerous times for any monarchy is when the monarch dies, especially if there’s no clear successor in place, or if the heir to throne is hostile to the old king’s courtiers and advisors. There are at least two famous historical monarchs — Qin Shi Huang, China’s first emperor, and Numerian, a Roman emperor who briefly reigned towards the end of the chaotic third century AD — whose deaths were kept secret for weeks by their ministers until a succession to the throne that suited those ministers’ liking could be arranged, with their royal bodies left to rot unburied in the meantime, which is a thing that occurred to me for no particular reason when I read today’s Pluggers.

Six Chix, 3/23/18

OH NOTHING MUCH JUST A MAN’S FACE TWISTED IN AGONY AS HIS VERY MIND DISSOLVES INTO A CHAOTIC FLOOD OF PURE MATHEMATICS

HE SCREAMS OUT NUMBERS AS HIS PHYSICAL FORM TRANSFORMS INTO ABSTRACT INFORMATION, AND A LADY IS SMILING AND CHATTING ON THE PHONE JUST A FEW FEET AWAY