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Funky Winkerbean, 11/14/17

Oh, hey, remember those comic book covers Darin inherited? Well, he’s decided to auction them off to benefit Lisa’s Legacy Fund! The comic book covers are incredibly valuable, naturally, I don’t think we even need to question that, even though the embittered artist who left them to Darin died in poverty, so probably the money they’ll raise at this big auction will finally put the Lisa’s Legacy Fund over the top and they’ll cure breast cancer. Anyway, while today’s dialogue is a real treat for fans of word-sequences that no human being would ever utter, don’t let it distract you from the colorist’s error in panel two that produced a nightmare mass of writhing hands sticking out of Darin’s torso.

Judge Parker, 11/14/17

Huh, is Randy going to become a prison-reform radical as a result of his wife’s imprisonment? Is he going to bring down the carceral state … from the inside? I’ll just point out that, while April has some justified beefs with the prison-industrial complex, I don’t see her questioning, say, the government’s employment of an army of shadowy assassins operating across a dizzying array of intelligence agencies.

Spider-Man, 11/14/17

Man, when I filled out that survey last month about what I wanted to see more of in future Spider-Man storylines and checked the box next to “Spider-Man walking and/or web-slinging into things, painfully and face-first,” I didn’t think I’d get results so quickly!

Mary Worth, 11/14/17

And heeeeeeeeeeeere comes the grift

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Dennis the Menace, 11/10/17

I had a lot of questions about what exactly we’re meant to understand about the the main six panels of this strip — did Dennis make Mr. Wilson sit through an entire movie, or, given the mention of Ewoks, the entire original trilogy? or is he just jumping around on his couch rambling on about his favorite media franchises? why does Dennis seem to think that Mr. Wilson, who would’ve been in his 30s when Episode IV came out, is somehow unfamiliar with what’s probably the most famous series of movies ever made? — but then I saw the second throwaway panel and it sent chills down my spine, illuminating the real reason why Dennis feels compelled to hang out at the Wilsons’ place all the time, and why Mr. Wilson, for all his showy irritation, never actually kicks him out. I look forward to the day when Dennis is old enough to learn about his true parentage, and Mr. Wilson implores him to join forces so they can rule their suburban neighborhood together, grumpily.

Spider-Man, 11/10/17

Ha ha, what you do you think that last e-mail was like? “Hey, Peter, this is a little awkward considering how we left things the last time we saw each other (I was a lizard and trying to kill you), but I just wanted to let you know I’ve always valued our friendship and also I definitely don’t turn into a lizard on the regular anymore. Anyway, I’ve got to go tend to my dying wife, but here’s my address in Miami — I’d love to see you any time you’re in town. Even if it’s several years from now, don’t bother calling in advance or anything. Just show up! I love unexpected visitors! Your pal, Doctor Connors (who is absolutely not a lizard right now and won’t be turning into one anytime soon)”

Gasoline Alley, 11/10/17

I genuinely appreciate the single bead of sweat rolling down Walt’s face in the final panel here, and he gets an inkling of the Kafkaesque hell that awaits him as he tries to track down this package. And I certainly hope we get to see every minute of it over the next two or three months! It can’t be any worse than the eight weeks they spent on scrapbooking!

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Gil Thorp, 11/9/17

I’ve decided to settle in and just genuinely enjoy this Gil Thorp plot, which seems to ask us to unironically believe that Uncle Gary’s quest to make Rick Soto a viral singing sensation (a) could work and (b) would change his life if it does. After a vigorous astroturfing campaign got Rick the coveted anthem spot, Uncle Gary is swinging into action, bringing together video editors and social media experts to create the seemingly perfect organic explosion of worldwide interest in Rick Soto’s patriotic pipes. Look at Gary in the control center in panel two, with his bluetooth earpiece and mid-grade laptop! And in panel three … well, if grandpas of all people are watching Rick’s videos, can a Grammy award for Most Patriotic YouTube be far behind?

Spider-Man, 11/9/17

Man, I get it, the life a celebrity is exhausting, travelling between glamorous cities and promoting your films and what not. Sometimes you just want to go visit your old family friend, a dangerous lizard-mutant, and sun yourself on a rock in his terrarium, away from the probing eyes of the press, you know?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/9/17

Buck’s ex is of course violent, abusive, and delusional, and trying to separate him from his new, healthier relationship is a classic abuser move, but in panel three we get to see just how delusional she is. Like … does she think selling comic book panels on eBay is how a guy like Buck can woo a lady? That’s … that’s not how anything works, man.

Mary Worth, 11/9/17

[Not shown: four panels of Iris saying, “No, it’s too late in the evening, coffee will keep me up all night,” and Zak winking at her in increasingly exaggerated fashion and saying “No, not coffee, but, you know … coffee.”]