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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/30/17

Gosh, maybe if your strip’s main character is a weird tiny gnomish person who, unlike the other characters in the strip, looks like he’s half old man and half baby, and there’s never really any explanation of why … maybe don’t draw attention to that fact? Maybe don’t!

Dennis the Menace, 10/30/17

“So you’re tellin’ me you hate the fact that your body and mind are slowly but surely breaking down as you age, threatening to leave you a feeble, confused shadow of your former self … but you fear death?” Today’s menace game is extremely strong.

Judger Parker, 10/30/17

EVERY TIME APRIL LOOKS AT A PICTURE OF HER BABY

SHE HAS TO SHIV SOMEONE IN THE YARD

EVERY

SINGLE

TIME

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The Phantom, 10/29/17

Oh, hey, remember this guy? The one who was all hyped to get out of jail after ratting out his former partner? Well, it turns out the warden doesn’t like rats and his fellow prisoners don’t like rats and his former partner definitely doesn’t like rats so it sure seems like his plan is not working out so great! Now I guess some wizened other prisoner who once long ago got punched out by the Phantom is … ratting out the rat? Does the Phantom like rats? Does he like meta-rats who rat out other rats? He seems generally pretty humorless and unforgiving so I assume he likes none of them, but let’s stay tuned to find out!

Mary Worth, 10/29/17

The third funniest thing about Zak’s sudden reappearance is that they’re treating this like he and Iris haven’t seen each other in ages and they’ve really moved along in their life paths since, when actually we last saw him in the strip like eight months ago, which I think translates to about a week and a half in strip time.

The second funniest thing about Zak’s return is the Mary Worth creative team’s apparently belief that, once someone drops out of college to strike it rich in a tech field like game design, they would of course get a haircut and start wearing a suit.

The funniest thing about Zak’s return is that he is definitely not anywhere near smart enough to be a game designer.

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Pluggers, 10/28/17

One of my favorite Pluggers attributions is “Lots of Pluggers Everywhere.” I just love the image of it, you know? Pluggers all over America encountering the phrase “online streaming,” in dribs and drabs, years after most people understood it. Maybe they’re asking their adult kids how they watch TV shows on they days they aren’t broadcast. Maybe their husbands got talked into signing up for the fancy new cable package and they’re trying to figure it out. They hear the phrase, and then they think — well, that just sounds like … you know! Hey, you know who would love this? They tap “pluggermail@aol.com” into their Windows XP PC. And at Pluggers HQ, the messages start coming. First a few, then more and more. Eventually it’s a mighty flood. Eventually, it cannot be ignored.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/28/17

Oh, hey, it looks like the art forgery plot and the domestic violence plot are gonna be the same plot! The whole thing hinged on Buck’s kid having a keen memory of the specific cruel putdown his abusive ex liked to use for him. This story is is grim as shit.