Post Content

“Can’t wait to try me some o’ that Ghost Hooch! Yee-haw!” –Peanut Gallery

And the extremely funny runners up!

“If everyone in Newspaper Spider-man were as emotionally evolved as Kala, they’d have to start using actual plots.” –katakana haru, on Twitter

“Judging by the glow on their cheeks, it’s a wonderful day to start drinking in the morning.” –Zootyr

“‘Long-haul love‘ is being used in place of ’till death do you part’ because, as Les and BSD Lisa have shown, death is no reason to not be obsessively devoted to your spouse.” –TheDiva

“Family Circus made a similar ‘hand-me-ups’ reference just two days ago — but since this is a Pluggers ‘classic,’ it may have originated way in the past. Who stole this joke? Not me!” –BigTed

“This strip devotes the same loving care to depicting muscly calves as Mark Trail devotes to owls and wolves and shit like that.” –Joe Blevins

“Smirks all around! From the hazy, out-of-sync red print to the one psychotically specific detail of the bugs around light fixture to the wrong author name on the cover, this all feels just right.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Les’ ego is expanding to dangerous proportions. His forehead swells with self-esteem. In a moment, there will be a popping noise. The windows will shatter. Young Darin will be scarred for life by skull shrapnel. And next year, on the same day, they’ll do the Les Moore Memorial Exploding Head Syndrome Fun Run, sponsored by Tylenol and Easy-out Stain Remover.” –Voshkod

“‘Heads up, sir!’ were in fact the last words then Corporal Halftrack heard before the rest of his platoon was wiped out by a surprise enemy attack. Ms. Buxley is fully aware of this because, hey, who doesn’t enjoy a good PSTD joke?” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I wish Dennis the Menace indulged in multiple panels more often, because to me, it’s pretty clear that young Donald Sutherland is about to lay into this kid.” –Red Delicious

“Dr. Ned may be a medical professional, but he’s not above performing the occasional seance. Still, he seems genuinely surprised that he succeeded in animating Dawn’s corpse.” –Nekrotzar

“The expression on MT’s face in panel 1 is priceless. It’s like this storm has forced him suddenly to discover emotions other than ‘pedantic’ and ‘must punch.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“I have not been following this strip with any regularity, but I remember a few weeks ago Mark was pummeling Baldy McBalderson with his fists, until the female accomplice drew a gun and stopped it. (Where is she now?) Is it the case that Baldy hasn’t exacted any physical revenge on Mark whatsoever, and has resumed calmly giving orders with that trademark grimace because he is the one with a gun? Because, if I had a gun, I’d have used it on something non-vital on Mark by now, assuming Mark was of any value to me alive. I guess I’m thin-skinned that way, regarding broken jaws and such.” –Just John

“Yeah man: you proved something to yourself and showed up the people who said you couldn’t do it, even if it didn’t result in you getting gainful employment. That’s exactly the attitude you want going in to grad school!” –pugfuggly

“Random cut to a grinding industrial noise over a nighttime rural landscape … I see Mark Trail is trying to cash in on Twin Peaks fever. I look forward to six straight days of Cherry screaming.” –Dan

“Once again, justice prevails near Spider-Man. Hooray for Spider-Man’s general vicinity!” –A Concerned Reader

“This strikes a false note. A BLT is dangerously close to being a salad.” –Rusty

“And the absence of twists just keep on comin’! This storyline is a nonstop, very level, sensibly paced rollercoaster.” –Shoe Substitutes

“I love the contrast between Dick Tracy’s stereotype ’80s African American, dressed in neon colors and spiky lines, and its stereotype ’20s Jewish American (fun fact: according to the DT wiki, Sam is ‘best known for his loyalty, intelligence, compassion, surprised exclamations of Oy yi!, and the sandwiches made with his wife’s homemade rye bread which he keeps in his pockets’). Neo-Chicago is a city where stereotypes of all backgrounds and time periods can live together in harmony, and occasionally murder each other in brutal ways.” –Schroduck

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

Post Content

Spider-Man, 9/8/17

Newspaper Spider-Man is already famous for having whole narrative arcs play out without the title character actually doing anything, but today’s strip is even better, providing us with an little drama that takes place entirely within the context of the villain’s monologue, with our protagonist and the other characters just kind of dumbly staring at him.

I have a lot of questions about the Official Fountain Of Youth Chalice. Like: if it’s made of pewter, as it appears today, or gold, as it appeared last week, how did it shatter so easily? If it’s as important as all that, shouldn’t Tyrannus have several spares? Will some Morlock artisan need to use the only remaining chalice to craft a new backup? Wouldn’t it be easy enough just to use the chalice to measure the actual recommended dosage of Fountain Of Youth Water so that we would know how many milliliters are necessary and dispense with the need for a chalice altogether?

Dick Tracy, 9/8/17

Undercover cop Lee Ebony, currently working deep within in the Neo-Chicago criminal underworld as “T-Bolt,” is taking care to report back to police headquarters using an encoded message in case her phone is tapped, as the footnote in the first panel helpfully indicates. Unfortunately, Sam Catchem seems to be under the impression that if her phone is tapped it’ll only record her end of the call, so he’s just answering using people’s actual names. Admittedly it gets confusing that the main bad guy’s name is actually “Mr. Bribery,” so it’s unclear if he’s talking about him or just the abstract concept of bribery, but either way this is bound to raise suspicions.

Mary Worth, 9/7/17

“…to my work! Ha ha, yes, as a handsome, well-paid doctor I’m very committed to my career. [suddenly speaking much faster and more quietly]also i’m still married to my wife and we’re not in an open relationship or anything, she has no idea i fuck my young employees on the regular[normal speaking style] So, you definitely have the apartment to yourself tonight, right?”

Pluggers, 9/7/17

Ahh yes, a man-bear’s eyes bugging out in panic as he tries to cram an overstuffed sandwich into his mouth before too much food falls into the sink, forcing him to scoop up the soggy scraps with his hands for the second round of feeding. A classic indeed!

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 9/7/17

Oh, hey, remember when beloved Hollywood big shot Mopey Pete went to Ohio and “found something that interested him,” and that thing was a lady, in whom he was interested in for sex? Well, that lady was Crankshaft’s granddaughter Mindy, now ten years older than she is in the Crankshaft-era of this bifurcated continuity that I’m being compelled against my will into thinking and caring about. We’ve been teased before that maybe in the ten-years-later Funky-era Crankshaft himself is a vegetative husk mouldering away in a nursing home somewhere, but maybe today’s the day when we finally find out if that’s true? Definitely a strong third date move is to bring a guy to see your comatose grandfather, and say “This guy used to be a real asshole, but he can’t hurt your feelings with a cutting, punny remark now!”

Gasoline Alley, 9/7/17

Oh, hey, remember the sexual competition between Rufus and Elam for the affections of the Widder Huffington? Well, Elam shaved and won her heart, and Rufus wandered off to parts unknown to nurse his grief, and now the Huffington kids have been left to roam the countryside unsupervised while Elam and their mom presumably have nonstop sex in her ramshackle hovel. At least their incongruously modern bike helmets will reduce their chances of massive head injury!

Gil Thorp, 9/7/17

Oh, hey, remember when Gil Thorp summer plots used to be fun, or at least have some semblance of a narrative arc? Welp, too bad, because this year we just got Jaquan musing about maybe playing pro football, and then Heather talking him into getting an utterly pointless humanities graduate degree instead, and Jaquan promising to help her get a coaching gig when she goes to college next year, and, hey, look at the time, is it after Labor Day already? Guess we better wrap this up before football season starts! The only question left unanswered is whether or not Gil looked up from his phone as he mumbled platitudes at Jaquan about how the only person he needs to prove anything to is himself or whatever.

Mark Trail, 9/7/17

Oh man, probably every single Mark Trail from here on in won’t end with a close up of a wildly spinning weather vane and a “GRRIIIINND” sound effect, but wouldn’t it be great if it did?