Hey, all, thanks for everyone who answered my pleas about a New York City reading location last week. It turns out that trying to schedule multiple events in mutiple cities in a relatively short timespan is a pain in the ass and that’s why people have professionals do this for them, usually? But I’m proud to announce that now I’ve got a whole novel-reading and -selling tour lined up for myself … and for you. Here are the dates and places!
Anyway, you’re gonna be reminded of these dates repeatedly over the next few weeks, but if you live in or near these cities, please add them to your calendar now and plan your lives around them! And … if you’ve been thinking “Gee, I keep meaning to buy Josh’s novel, but I haven’t yet” and you also want to come to one of these events, I’d urge you to hold off and buy at the store, so they won’t regret inviting me!
“Yep, but not for the reasons you think! If you assumed I had any semblance of fatherly concern for you, you’re way off base! I’m your agent, pure and simple, and the fact that you seem to have some sort of belief that I would protect you makes me realize that I should be fleecing you worse than I already am.” –Doctor Handsome
“Sure, sure, she ‘binged on real life’ … those are the most LSD-y stars I’ve ever seen.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Look, buddy, you can order a ‘Wand of Watoomb’ from several sites online. They’ll even send it in discreet packaging.” –TheDiva
“Sorry, all traces of menace disappear when Dennis shows glee at the idea of living past 27.” –Irrischano
“Once they read this scathing hit piece, kids’ll put down their Ataris and their Colecos, and then newspaper comics will be back on top, baby!” –Purple Prosecutor
“Since the logo panel can only depict a moment from the unsuccessful Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark (why else would Spidey be crouching theatrically beneath a literal spotlight?), this conversation about MJ’s Broadway stardom must be killing him. That smile Peter Parker maintains throughout this chat might be his single greatest act of heroism in months.” –Joe Blevins
“The passage ahead is going to tighten up on us! That’s what she — No, I’m only teasing, that wasn’t sexual innuendo at all! I’m the world’s least interesting man!” –Alter Ego
“I hope tomorrow’s strip is of a senile Crankshaft arguing with a pharmacy building about why it won’t take his bet.” –nescio
“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds [delivering garbage to cats]” –Marcus Theory
“In the first panel of Momma, there’s about five feet between the Momma and the Child. In the second panel, there’s about three feet. Be grateful it stops there, because in about three panels more it will become the worst kind of Oedipal nightmare.” –Voshkod
“Chicken wire is a bold choice when making your own playpen for the kids.” –Rusty
“Dennis indicates his father is no longer as physically fit as he used to be and needs to be replaced. Instead of joking it off, Alice ponders the question. Henry feels a single bead of sweat run down his forehead as he stoically awaits her decision, trying to look as manly and robust as he can while wearing loafers. The silence lengthens.” –Ekudamram
“Mary Jane’s frustrations with her husband have hit a new level of passive-aggressiveness: ‘Yes, Peter, isn’t it funny that you’ve devoted your entire life to the study of science and have nothing to show for it, while Dr. Strange studies ‘magic’ and has a luxury apartment in an upscale neighborhood? I guess you’ve wasted your life and your talents. But you are Spider-Man, so that’s something, except how you were rescued by a powerless woman in a lab coat last week.'” –Dread
“Those damn wizards, with their grimoires and their staffs and their Trader Joes” –garrett, on Twitter
“All well and good, but what if your batista serving your afternoon latte offers you financial advice which runs contrary to this gem? Rex’s ‘thoughtful face’ is in for a workout.” –Kevin on Earth
“‘What’s a geezer?’ ‘A grown man who doesn’t think he has to put his clothes back on when the exam is over, apparently.'” –Dan
“So I suppose the non-pluggers among us don’t bother using lids? We just sort of risk spilling our coffee, staining our clothes, carpets, and furniture? Maybe we like scalding ourselves like lazy, wasteful morons. If so, that’s our business, thank you; at least we have goals.” –made of wince
“No, Josh, pluggers buy their coffee in cups from 7-11. Good old American coffee, not that hoity toity frappacrappa stuff that the yuppies pay so much for at their I’m-so-trendy Starbuck Jones stores with those barristers who look down their noses at you when you can’t pronounce whatever the hell it is that they call coffee in those weird venty-lenty-minty sizes they have instead of plain old large, double, and lunchbox thermos-full. Whenever I’m at 7-11, I always… er, I mean, on those rare occasions when I’m at 7-11, I usually see… uh, I mean, I would tend to speculate that probably… ah, I suppose that… Never mind, I have no idea what pluggers buy or how and where they buy it. No idea at all. Wouldn’t know. Have no experience in that culture. Those pluggers, honestly! What strange folks they must be. Sure glad I don’t know any and will never ever become one!!!”–seismic 2
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