Post Content

Slylock Fox, 7/9/12

Because my brain doesn’t work the way one might want it to, I have a terrible time remembering my family’s birthdays without programming them into my phone’s calendar, but upon reading this strip I instantly remembered that it was the not the first Slylock Fox whose solution revolved around anteater toothlessness. At least this one’s an actual anteater! In a world of anthropomorphic animals, many of which are carnivores, I expect Slylock needs to resolve exactly this kind of dispute relatively frequently. “Waah, the birds ate my pet worms! Waaah, Cassandra Cat ate my sidekick!” This is what comes of overthrowing humanity, animal-rabble! Not the eating of other animals of course, but the ultimately unfulfillable sense that there ought to be some kind of justice to how it happens.

Shoe, 7/9/12

Shoe generally has its characters wildly overreact to punchlines with goggle eyes of horror, which makes the Perfesser’s numb, heavy-lidded stare in the second panel here all the sadder. “Yeah, I guess I should have expected that my attempt at serious emotional intimacy with a good friend — and my attempt to understand how other people find fulfillment in romantic relationships, something I’ve tried and failed at all my life — would be deflected with a dumb joke about HAW HAW AGING STRIKES TERROR INTO WOMEN’S HEARTS. Welp, back to silently dying inside!”

Spider-Man, 7/9/12

Speaking of facial expressions, it should have been obvious to everyone that Clown-9 is a crazed maniac bent on revenge against everyone who’s ever wronged him. Thus, I’m assuming that MJ’s look of shock in panel three is not a reaction to Peter’s suggestion that she might be on the target list, but is rather justified horror at the image in panel two of Peter making a sullen, hideous kissyface and jabbing a chunk of blackened meat at his lower lip.

Apartment 3-G, 7/9/12

I feel like I’ve been spending too much time dwelling on the weirdly off material in this storyline about attitudes towards and medical knowledge about childbirth, and not enough time discussing the fact that Tommie, Scott, and Nina are all wearing identical white shirts. So, Tommie, Scott, and Nina are wearing identical white shirts, everybody! Are they in a cult? Probably yes — specifically, a cult that practices human sacrifice via botched home births.

Crankshaft, 7/9/12

“Used to be you could make a gal cry by showing her your wang whenever you felt like it! Now you’ve gotta have one of them telephones you carry around with you, I guess.”

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/8/12

Ha ha, Rex, even when you’re sort of doing the right thing, you’re being a dick! I’d like to think that he let a long, unpleasant silent moment go by after saying “It’s already gone, Iris! I cashed it on the way home,” just so everyone could imagine what was coming next — “I bought $25,000 worth of wax for that powerboat that we were just randomly given three or four storylines back” — before finally admitting that he’s giving it back to Iris and Foster’s body, because honestly, what would Rex even do with a paltry five-figure sum, am I right? Nice of him to throw some money at Mabel so she isn’t bankrupted by the false criminal charges against her, but isn’t the reason she was so desperate about the money is that she’s been saddled with all of Foster’s old gambling debts? Too bad for her, Foster needs the fanciest coffin money can buy, and Iris needs to pay a guerrilla marketing agency to “build buzz” for her film script! Look, she’s already posing for her publicity photo.

Meanwhile, good job on everyone concerned for not considering the tax consequences here: A $25,000 inheritance would have been well below the threshold for the estate tax, but it’s high enough to trigger the gift tax, so some of that money’s going to Uncle Sam. Note that when I say “good job” I’m not being sarcastic. I’d much rather this money be spent on corn subsidies and sacrilegious art and flying death robots than on whatever any of these clowns have planned for it.

Panels from Dennis the Menace, 7/8/12

In these throwaway panels, Dennis may not actually be menacing, but at least he’s giving off a pretty menacing vibe. He’s practicing for true menace later on, like when he sassily responds to criticism by waggling a pistol or severed hand or something.

Panel from Mary Worth, 7/8/12

By popular demand, Mary Worth brings you “Wilbur Weston: The Total Immersive Experience.” Sadly, comics technology has not yet advanced to the point where you can smell him, so you’ll have to take our word for it that he’s redolent of scalp polish and ham.

Post Content

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/7/12

Trust me, old people: Young people think they don’t want to hear about you having sex, but what they really don’t want to hear about is how you actually lost interest in sex years ago, and someday they will too.

Crankshaft, 7/7/12

Ha ha, Crankshaft thinks he can hide his plans from the all-knowing Deity! Look, Crankshaft, it’s not like God wants to know about your innermost thoughts and feelings, as they’re no doubt extremely distasteful. But unfettered access to your soul is just one of the burdens of omnipotence.

Marmaduke, 7/7/12

Aww, this scene is so sweet and romantical that I’m not even going to do my usual “Marmaduke is a Lovecraftian demon from below hell” shtick with it. But I do want to point out that Marmaduke’s neighbors are dogsex-lovin’ perverts.

Mary Worth, 7/7/12

Oh my goodness, if Wilbur and Dawn’s Italian cruise ends like this, this Mary Worth storyline will truly be the most amazing in recent memory.