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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/29/12

I don’t even want to get into the sad, sick nature of Slylock and Cassandra’s relationship, in which she’s sexily guilty so long as Slylock can show that it’s not impossible for her to have committed a crime. I more want to point out three actual crimes happening in this panel right now: (1) that seagull is stealing Max’s hot dog (in a world where a fox can arrest a cat, surely he can also arrest a bird); (2) that stand is grotesquely overcharging for one-scoop ice cream cones at $5 a pop; and (3) Slylock thinks wearing a cape with no shirt is somehow an acceptable fashion choice, what the hell.

Panel from the Lockhorns, 7/29/12

The meaning of this Lockhorns panel is 100% opaque to me, and since Lockhorns panels are generally not subtle, I assume that there’s some bit of cultural ephemera that I’m not hip to that this is a reference to. Is there a popular show about an identity-stealing person with a shaved head, on the TV? Am I actually too square to get the pop culture references in the Lockhorns? Or is this just some weirdness about how … Leroy is bald and thinks people pretending to be bald are pretending to be him? No, still doesn’t make any sense. I like the way the bald guy is theatrically musing on his coffee options and pretending he can’t hear Leroy and Loretta’s insane mutterings, though.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/28/12

I’m not sure what’s more off-putting: that li’l preverbal Tater is fully aware of and completely committed to his tuber-derived name, or that he’s capable of drawing a startlingly realistic potato in chalk on a moment’s notice. But most disturbing of all is Loweezy’s sinister sidelong grin in the second panel, hinting at the dark purpose behind her son’s strange name. The Potato Revolution is coming, ladies, as soon as the Chosen One is old enough to rule. Be ready for it.

Archie, 7/28/12

So based on the clothing and the in-strip technology and something someone said to me off-hand in an email once, I’ve always assumed that the current batch of Archie newspaper strips are from the mid-90s, an assumption upended by today’s references to online dating and Linux. Yes, Linux dates from 1991 and Match.com launched in 1995, but I refuse to believe that Archie comics would ever be so up on any technological trends (or indeed any trends of any sort) as to namecheck them before they could be sure that most of their audience would get the reference, which means I can’t imagine this strip running before, say, 2002.

On the other hand, the startling words are in italics, and we’ve seen the reruns updated before, so who knows what the original text was. “I spend most of my time working on my book learning.” “You give new meaning to the concept of reading things instead of interacting with girls,” says the guy who responds to all romantic advances from ladies with abject terror.

Apartment 3-G, 7/28/12

Oh, don’t worry, everyone, we’re not just going to skip over Lu Ann’s story without acknowledging it! We’re going to acknowledge that we’re skipping over it, then skip over it. Look at how excited Tommie is! “I’m too scared to go first, but it’s amazing that Margo gave me the option!”

Ziggy, 7/28/12

Ziggy can’t remember what company insures his car, probably because he just suffered a traumatic brain injury.

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Guys, just a very quick thank you to everyone who contributed to my Kickstarter. I managed to blow through my goal and am really overwhelmed by everyone’s support. Now I guess I have a novel to write! Stay tuned!

But you don’t have to wait any longer for this week’s comment of the week!

“J. Jonah Jameson’s look of unrestrained glee is quite possibly the best thing ever. You can almost hear him shouting insanity in the background. ‘Yes, YES! Restrain this son of a bitch! Rough him up! Rip his goddamn arms off a little more! MAKE MORE RANDOM REFERENCES TO PLAYS, OH MY GOD YES'” –Tophat

Or for the runners up! Very funny

“So Weirdly didn’t invent a time machine. Instead, all he did was invent a fucking flying car.” –Scott P.

“But no, Weirdly in his awesome sneakers, steam-punk goggles, stylin’ stash and top-hat has to put up with douchemaster Slylock Fox, whose rudimentary knowledge of basic animal functions allow him to (probably literally) ferret out the idiotic petty criminals in his world who don’t know enough about their own anatomy and basic functionality to even conjure a semi-plausible alibi.” –geekwhisperer

“‘What happened to all that conflict?’ ‘Who knows? It melted away.’ Oh, man. That is just … that is a satisfying plot resolution. Josh, I hope you’re taking good notes.” –teddytoad

“Carolingian-era restauranteurs have a lot to learn about maximizing profit-per-square-foot.” –DaveyK

“Now that the Batman trilogy is concluded I believe it is time for Mark Trail to introduce us to Sheepman Begins.” –Shadow of the Hedgehog

“I know that newspaper deadlines make it difficult to make timely, relevant jokes about current events, but I still feel that Brad Anderson could have predicted when Election Day would occur.” –AndyL

“Who’d bug us at 8 AM? Don’t they know only people with jobs are up at this hour?” –Doctor Handsome

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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