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Dick Tracy, 7/4/12

Oh, what’s that, Communist? You’re just a little too busy on this July 4th Freedom America day to admire the US flag? Dick Tracy would like to have some words with you. He’s in the middle of a bloody shootout with Mr. Crime’s gang, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have time to find an enormous American flag and salute it! Those explosions behind him aren’t fireworks; they’re actual gunfire. Dick Tracy won’t let mortal danger get in the way of his patriotism!

Funky Winkerbean, 7/4/12

How great is America? So great that everyone, even non-human primates, are trying to gain entry by any means necessary.

Luann, 7/4/12

Not that we should just open the floodgates to baboons, or, worse, Australians. Luann and Quill finally advanced from endless flirting to light making out, and within minutes, the U.S. government moved to deport his entirely family, making sure that he keeps his filthy foreign paws off of virtuous American girls.

Mary Worth, 7/4/12

Meanwhile, Wilbur has only been out of America’s nourishing atmosphere for a few days, and already he’s degenerating into a sadistic monster. “Imagine the history of this place! Gladiators stood here thousands of years ago, savagely murdering one another, or attacking innocent victims persecuted for their political or religious beliefs, or being torn to pieces by wild beasts … all for my amusement! I can almost smell the blood!”

Hi and Lois, 7/4/12

Back home, the Flagstons clearly believe that America’s independence is best celebrated as far from their fellow Americans as possible.

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Apartment 3-G, 7/3/12

“Should I use the ritual obsidian dagger I was saving to finally kill Margo with to cut the still-living child from Nina’s womb? I’m not sure if using it to shed blood in order to save a life will sap of it the dark power it needs for its intended purpose — or will only make it stronger. Damn it, I need to find a necromancer to consult, stat!”

Mary Worth, 7/3/12

“I mean, in America we never snort wasabi paste out of a coke spoon, right? Try to expand your horizons here!”

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EVERYBODY! I helped contribute to a project coordinated by the amazing Ryan Estrada that I think you will be interested in! A bunch of comics heavyweights and I wrote dialogue that fit into awesome comics illustrated by Korean artist Nam Dong Yoon. Do any of us speak Korean? No! Were we provided with a translation of the original dialogue? No! Is the result hilarious and insane? YES!

It’s being offered as a part of The Whole Story, a pay-as-you-wish comics experiment. You’ll get Fusion Future, the collection I contributed to, at the $10 level, but there’s lots of other awesome stuff available, so check it out!

Also, since it is the beginning of the month, it is my day to remind you that, if you enjoy using and/or following jokesters on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or Google+, why, you can follow me on any of those services, merely by clicking the appropriate links previously in this sentence! I post mostly the same things to all of these sites (links to updates to this blog, links to things I write elsewhere, announcements about projects, links to things I think are funny, dumb jokes) so probably just pick the one you like best. Or pick none at all! The choice is yours.