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Let us pause momentarily before we go all COTW to be sad about yet another newspaper comics cull, this time at the Denver Post. The Westword blog has a good wrapup, and Comics Riffs has the complete list. It is saddening but not surprising that many of the ones being pulled are new or at least new-ish (Frazz, Heart of the City, The Knight Life, Rhymes with Orange) and the ones that stayed are mostly legacy strips being drawn by the sons and grandsons of the creators (do I even need to list them here?) which at least set up this joke. If you’re in the Denver area, do contact the Post, politely, and let them know what you think!

And now, your comment of the week!

“Every 40 years, the hideous ritual begins again. The new Ziggy and all the animals eat the old Ziggy in a grotesque feast. The new Ziggy thinks he’s got the upper hand, but he doesn’t realize he’s the one suffering the cruel fate: 40 years of being Ziggy. At least the old Ziggy gets to die.” –Rantingdude

And your runners up! Very funny!

“As painful as I’m sure it must be, being kicked in the groin might teach the sheriff a thing or two, specifically that hats and rifles will go flying if they are not secured by straps.” –Charterstoned

“The reason why John Thrasher is living like a hermit up in the back woods now becomes clear: he was tired of being mocked for his dainty little ankles.” –Trilobite

“My dream for the current Spider-Man storyline is that ‘Big Boss’ is actually Spider-Man, who has grown tired of this whole ‘great responsibility’ gig, and just wants a few million dollars to help relocate him and his wife to Hollywood, so that he can save his troubled marriage by getting her a job on TV, so he can bear to look at her.” –Ian C.

“Framing Kenny Loggins for livestock theft? Look out, Sheriff. You just entered the Danger Zone!!!” –Doctor Handsome

“Mountain Man Moccasins, from J Peterman: You walk the high country alone, in retreat from you boot clad past. Your steps caress the ground, leaving no traces and taking orders only from your heart. Supple, oil-tanned, full-grain leather envelops your feet so your soles commune with the spirit of the earth, but if things get trying, as you knew they would, a swift kick to the nads of the establishment can deliver the message: ‘I wish to walk this land in peace, but these feet are still registered weapons.’ Men’s whole and half sizes: 8 through 13.” –Ned Ryerson

“While I’m thankful Ziggy isn’t going to make us suffer through a grating parade of self-congratulation à la Blondie’s 75th anniversary, I wouldn’t mind a crossover where the other depressing loser comic strip characters attend Ziggy’s party only to find themselves more miserable than they could ever think to imagine. Basically, I want to see Ziggy, the Lockhorns, and a few pluggers, all in the same panel, wearing party hats and forlorn expressions.” –Irischano

“I love the combination of smug and wild-eyed terror in the final panel. Ditto just seems so pleased with himself that he got his dad to share the intimate details of his love life. Lois is probably just tweaked, and Ditto sounds like a million cockroaches.” –MyUsernamesMud

“Are we missing the third panel where the kid slips on the immaculately polished floor of the stadium-sized kitchen and breaks his coccyx? Someone please tell me we’re missing that panel.” –Greg

“So let’s have that talk I’ve always wanted to have. You know how your body’s changing, Lu Ann?” –Dood

“Let me show you a couple dresses that I picked out, just in case I ever had a daughter of my own. Oh, and by the way, the doors and windows are sealed shut, so escape is futile.” –Scott Bot

“I missed the middle panel, in which Mary punched Liza in the neck.” –Squeak

“Of course, you’ll have to gestate in my uterus, LuAnn, but … that’s how it’s done.” –Mibbitmaker

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Crock, 7/1/11

Do you think that the Crock creative team realizes that a timeshare is in fact a kind of real estate, and thus cannot be contained in a small box of the sort that our protagonist is attempting to offer to his desert god? It’s possible that the strip creators’ sense of time and space is permanently skewed: they may have long ago forgotten that the running gag about the hotboxes being spacious inside is indeed a running gag, and have come to believe that structures in the Crockiverse are simply dimensionally transcendental. This makes sense, as Crock is singularity from which no joy or humor can escape, and where the normal rules of existence simply don’t apply.

Mary Worth, 7/1/11

Mary Worth dialogue that bears no resemblance to any speech act that an even vaguely human creature would perpetrate is of course par for the course, but Liza’s line in panel two is really something else. Pretty much the only context I can imagine for “Despite what happened, I’m excited about my future for the first time!” is the end of a long televised show trial, right before the speaker, at whom a number of guns just off camera are pointing, is shipped off to a re-education camp.

Apartment 3-G, 7/1/11

“So I hope you’ll understand that I have to request that you and your brother Paul refrain from physical relations, as that would be disgusting.”

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Beetle Bailey, 6/30/11

Oh, look, Sarge is suffering symbolic humiliation, wallowing in filth while shadowy figures and freakish beasts laugh at him! Looks like we’ve invaded his dream again. Don’t worry, Sarge, we’re not enjoying this Freudian hellscape any more than you are.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/30/11

Well, looks like Susan is going to slink awkwardly back into the sunset, after lunging at Les and becoming an object of derision for it (because, you know, Les, gross). I like the sudden look of manic joy on her face in panel two: “No matter where I am in the world, I’ll watch your movie obsessively, because that will be the only way I can be close to you?” “Don’t bother,” Les replies, “any theater showing the film will also be covered by the restraining order.”

Ziggy, 6/30/11

Have you ever wondered what forms of human entertainment would sexually arouse your pets? Well, wonder no more! Here’s to another 40 years of queasy-making perversion from Ziggy!

Hagar the Horrible, 6/30/11

Hagar continues its semi-informed meandering through Norse history, and it looks like it’s hit the Little Ice Age. I look forward to watching the characters all die of starvation.