Post Content

Shoe, 10/27/22

I’m trying to figure out what the funniest message the Joint Chiefs of Staff could send to a small-town newspaper on an 8 x 11 sheet of paper in tiny font that would raise this level of shock from the Perfesser. I’m thinking “America’s civilian leadership has failed! The military must take control and begin the process of national regeneration. Do you happen to know the President’s phone number?”

Mary Worth, 10/27/22

With Zak’s life hanging in the balance (literally) and Iris unable or unwilling to hulk out, there’s only one thing left that can save our star- and age-crossed lovers: the power of prayer! Remember, when Wilbur was forced by circumstances into the ultimate indignity (climbing a tree) in order to hold starvation at bay, he beseeched the Almighty for help and was immediately transported to a party island, so I certainly hope God intervenes here as well and Zak falls harmlessly onto a cool trampoline while a bunch of positive-vibes bro onlookers cheer.

Pluggers, 10/27/22

EXTREMELY DEPRESSING PLUGGERS SCENARIO, 2006: I’m so desperate for cash I need to pawn my television, depriving me of some of the few joys I have left, for just a few meager dollars!

EXTREMELY DEPRESSING PLUGGERS SCENARIO, 2022: The computer watch tells me I can sleep now. Sleep. Sleep. You can tell from my facial expression that the only time I feel any pleasure is in that brief moment after I’ve been given permission to slip into blessed unconsciousness but before sleep takes me and I stop feeling anything at all.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/26/22

I’ll admit it: I do a lot of bitching and moaning about all the “roots country” bullshit in Rex Morgan, M.D., and I appreciate the fact that the RMMD brain trust has clearly been working feverishly to come up with an angle that will turn my attitude about it around. Like, how about if the new roots country guy, Mud Mountain Murphy, is a cheerful giant of a man who looms over Buck in a vaguely menacing fashion and yells all the time? All I can say is: great job, guys, you nailed it, I am 100% on board with Mr. Murphy. You know I love a good upnose shot in this strip and now there’s a good excuse for one!

Dustin, 10/26/22

Most comics characters have fairly generic white collar jobs, and I always think specific things are funnier than generic things, so I appreciate it when a character gets a specific job instead, even if it isn’t central to the strip most of the time. Like, Curtis’s dad in Curtis works at the DMV, and even though you never see him at the office, his occasional gripes about work are always DMV-specific, which adds a fun texture to the strip. Dustin’s mom is a radio DJ, which is also promisingly specific, except it’s not at all clear what kind of station she works for or what her show is about, since all that ever seems to happen on it is people calling in with extremely half-baked setups to jokes that sometimes, as is the case today, don’t even merit punchlines. I said Sunday that Dustin is now 25% griping about petty annoyances by volume; it’s also at least 10% this, which is somehow even worse.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 10/25/22

Good (?) news, everybody: Zak didn’t fall to his death mid-selfie, or at least he hasn’t yet! No, he’s grabbed onto a cliffside branch, Sgt. Snorkel style, and now needs Iris to drag him to safety. There was a bit of dialogue in a strip last week in which Iris said she can easily handle this hike due to the “strength training” she’s been doing; I assume that, despite her current protests, she will eventually be able to rescue Zak, finding her power in an adrenaline-fueled burst like the stories you hear about mothers lifting up cars to save their children, which really fits in with the nature of their relationship.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/25/22

When Summer announced her plan to follow in her father’s footsteps and write a book, a lot of my commenters speculated that she would be following in her father’s footsteps and writing a book about her mother, Les’s dead wife Lisa. But, nope! Turns out she’s going to be writing about all the alive losers in her dumb loser town, which frankly seems like a much, much worse idea.

Hi and Lois, 10/25/22

I truly enjoy the fact that in panel one Lois and Irma are genuinely shocked by whorish athleisure fashions of the sort that used to be impossible in polite society but are now on sale at every department store, but in panel two they’ve managed to mediate their discomfort through an ironic quip to find their equilibrium. Do I enjoy the fact that this attitude has been grafted onto women who canonically cannot be past their early 40s, women who have never worn a girdle in their lives and whose mothers probably never did either? Well, no, but that is just a professional hazard of writing a blog about newspaper comics strips, where the assumed age of your audience is roughly 75.

Gasoline Alley, 10/25/22

Speaking of which, it is absolutely shocking to me that any character in Gasoline Alley is supposed to have seen a film made as recently as 2016. This strip is going to cause riots in the streets!