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Mary Worth, 8/14/25

Never one for subtlety, Mary Worth foreshadows by planting an actual red flag.

Mark Trail, 8/14/25

That gator is really excited at the prospect of a new pond! Meanwhile, Mark shoves a bush aside to clear the gator’s path. Not quite Fists of Justice™ territory, but at least macho-heroics-adjacent.

Zits, 8/14/25

There is no evidence that sulfurous smells repel bears, and Jeremy scrupulously avoids contact with ammonia, bleach, and other cleaning agents that do. Sorry, Hector, that tent is looking flimsier by the moment.

Family Circus, 8/14/25

Jeff Keane’s tax auditor, probably: “Mr. Keane, the IRS is known for its generosity in granting tax exemptions for creative professionals such as yourself, but are you really going to go with ‘How can I draw the Golden Gate Bridge without taking my family to San Francisco for a week?’ Frankly, I’m still getting grief about that Crankshaft determination.”

Gearhead Gertie, 8/14/25

“You mean that movie starring a charismatic and attractive male lead in a high-stakes drama with a ‘rookie vs. veteran’ dynamic that depicts a growing bond between former rivals, with authentic racing sequences, behind-the-scenes explorations of racing culture, and an iconic romantic interlude, led by a director associated with the Top Gun series? Sure, here’s a ticket to F1: The Movie!”

Gertie turns it down because the cars look different. Stupid Genie.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Dick Tracy, 8/13/25

“Oh heh heh heh you’re absolutely right, boss. Say, I have a correction of my own: ‘I counted 211 names, dick!'”

Curtis, 8/13/25

OK, you can say “turd” in Curtis but not “toilet.” Noted.

Slylock Fox, 8/13/25

1) Pluto, dammit!

Phantom, 8/13/25

Patrolwoman Dai has her eyes on the prize
With the wool firmly pulled over her colonel’s eyes
She is skilled in all manner of social control
To advance her career in the Jungle Patrol!

So that General Chuma had better watch out
‘Cause there isn’t an ethical code she won’t flout!
He could find himself chained in his mine’s deepest hole
To help Dai make lieutenant at Jungle Patrol!

It’s a cinch that Ms. Dai will now rise through the ranks,
Passing Hawa and Kay and the rest of those skanks
‘Til she stands within reach of her ultimate goal:
The Unknown Commander of Jungle Patrol!

—Uncle Lumpy

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It’s the Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser, celebrating more than two decades of high-octane comics mockery. Chip in, and become a part of this grand tradition! And thank you, generous reader!

Six Chix, 8/12/25

Why start now?

Judge Parker, 8/12/25

Come on, lady, everybody knows April. They didn’t even need to tell you her last name!

Rex Morgan, 8/12/25

Sad-sack sister here sounds like an AI spooling out yards of generic content: “different points of view” … “makes communication tough” … “not open to the idea” … “doesn’t want to accept” …. Out with it, girl: the guy’s a jerk!

Hi and Lois, 8/12/25

Hi and Lois tiptoes into Rex Morgan Secret Sibling territory. Careful reconnecting with your new half-brother, Dawg—I hear his sister is a real bitch.

—Uncle Lumpy