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Family Circus, 1/10/21

Ha ha, it’s funny because kids instinctively know that adults long ago lost their capacity for make believe and are trapped in the dull, grey prison of everyday life!

Crankshaft, 1/10/21

Ha ha, it’s funny because Crankshaft desperately needs to hold onto some small specific joy in life or else he gets terribly depressed!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/10/21

Well, that got … too grim, probably! Anyway, let’s talk about horses. You wouldn’t know it now, but back before Snuffy Smith was ever dreamed up, Barney Google was a wildly popular media property, and that popularity was almost entirely driven by Spark Plug, Barney’s universally beloved horse, to the extent that for a while the strip was called Barney Google and Spark Plug. And yeah, it’s been a while — like, literally 99 years — but surely King Features Syndicate and Hearst Communications, the current owners of the Spark Plug intellectual property, can capture lightning in a bottle here again, right? Spark Plug may have had his day, but Li’l Sparky will be the character whose ancillary marketing products every child will be asking for this summer, probably! Kids like horses still, right? Horses and wordplay? Horses and … newspaper comic strips?

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Gil Thorp, 1/9/21

So what’s going in with Gil Thorp, literally several of you are wondering? Well, it turns out that Vic Doucette is killing it at P.A. announcing during the basketball games, thanks to his wordplay that dazzles the Mudlark players, whose prowess lies in the physical rather than the verbal realm. Also, it turns out that, like Vic, Doug Guthrie is a nerd, and in fact is the one kind of nerd that jocks truly respect: a car nerd, who may drive a sweet classic Pontiac but is fascinated by automobiles in all their forms, even utilitarian GM vans from the ’00s. It also came up that Vic has cerebral palsy, not that you can really tell from the art, and Chevy Astros are apparently commonly converted for wheelchair use, but Vic doesn’t use a wheelchair so this may or may not be relevant? Maybe Doug is a car monomaniac and literally has to ask about the make and model of every single vehicle he sees. He’s just another brightly colored piece of glass in the rich mosaic of Milford High.

Family Circus, 1/9/21

Jeffy is a simple child, and looks smug because he thinks he’s about to get a cookie. But Billy? Billy, for all his faults (and there are many), plays a longer game, and has realized that even the guy who graduates bottom of his class from the easiest medical school to get into has access to a prescription pad, which will open up a lot of opportunities for a guy with frankly not much of a moral compass.

Pluggers, 1/9/21

Hey, Pluggers, a more succinct and better caption here would’ve been “Plugger CSI,” you’re welcome

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Folks, it is time for your first comment of the week of 2021, but first, a link I have been sorely remiss in sharing with you: faithful reader Mark Carlson-Ghost’s comprehensive guide to Mark Trail’s long, weird history. Check it out!

And check out this week’s top comment!

“I’d love it if Tootsie had an alliterative nickname for everyone in her social circle. ‘So then Chatty Charlene told me that Frowny Frances never wants to see Hairy Harry again. Anyway, how’s Dumb… I mean, how’s Dagwood?’” –Mr. A

Also: Enjoy this week’s hilarious runners up!

“Happy holidays from Mary and friends! Well, she could only get one friend to be with her on Christmas — despite the fact that most of the others live in her building — and the one who’s there is mostly in it for the sex (or maybe the muffins). Mary’s advice? Try not to get estranged from your family this year!” –BigTed

“Wait, are they just piling up damp clothes? I know it’s winter, but good lord, at least hang them up. Slim’s nudist lifestyle will be mercifully cut short by black mold poisoning.” –Schroduck

“I like that the dude is drawing the line at killing five men. He’s just a murderer, not a mass murderer.” –Rube

“I like that a full panel of this is just a peace symbol. To remind us who the true enemy is.” –Joe Blevins

“Today I learned something: you can take two distinctive types of vagueness and abut them to create the semblance of a joke! ‘Boy, past year was quite difficult for a number of unnamed reasons. Not unlike the reports that you prepare about the various activities we perform at this company. Coffee?’” –pugfuggly

“Is Saul bangable? On the one hand, he still has all his hair, he regularly goes for walks to stay fit, and he’s never not in a suit. On the other hand: pink shirt, green jacket, beige slacks, and a yellow tie?!” –Ace

“Finally. Some ‘hot lady pulling on khakis’ action!” –lorne

“The Phantom needs someone to shoulder his blame
And so Hawa and Kay are pulled back in the game.
When a guy needs some stooges for damage control,
He can call on the girls of the Jungle Patrol.

That luchador hombre’s an obvious dupe
And Worubu is once again out of the loop.
The gals take up their rifles and shoulder their role
As the cleanup brigade for the Jungle Patrol.

The Patrol is a front for a thug wannabe
Who murders folks extrajudicially.
The girls are accessories, not in control
Of the crime at the heart of the Jungle Patrol.” –Uncle Lumpy

“There really is endless potential in these pluggerized slang terms for sexual partners. Like how a plugger’s ‘side piece’ is an extra order of curly fries, or how a plugger’s ‘young friend on the down low’ is a neighborhood kid who will take fifty cents to crawl under their porch and clean out the dead cats.” –jroggs

“Sorry, but that is infuriating. Curtis, you cannot introduce a talking, trunkless elephant and then end it with, ‘I’m not magic,’ and consider the matter closed. If this was the banal, The More You Know-style, ABC Afterschool Special lesson you were going for, why not use a wise old hobo/possible genie? That would work. Talking, trunkless elephant? DOES. NOT. WORK. I believe it was Chekhov who said, ‘If you introduce a talking, trunkless elephant into your comic strip on Monday, there better be some god-damn explanation for it by Wednesday.’” –Chance

“It’s so great I asked you out to do a thing I don’t like and turns out you don’t either!” –Jay Pennington, on Facebook

“Tootsie’s name was on the van, but after a strong cease-and-desist letter from Tootsie Roll Industries, they had to drop it. The band Blondie is currently retaining counsel.” –Voshkod

“Of course Marvin is number 2. What other number could he be? I’m so tired, you guys.” –els

“‘Ha ha ha! Imagine if this kid didn’t sit meekly in the corner, as he was told, but did so in a way that defied his mother! Wouldn’t that be outrageously rebellious? How wonderfully absurd!’ –The thought process of someone totally unfamiliar with actual children.” –Urlance Woolsbane

“I admire this guy’s outfit. Does he want to be a trucker, or a character in an old Woody Allen movie? Yes. The answer is yes.” –made of wince

“Wilson is telling the random vagabond he’s come upon that Dennis’s parents are just ‘ordinary people‘ and wouldn’t have the financial wherewithal or political connections to mobilize a large scale search should their child go missing or something.” –Hibbleton

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