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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/23/20

Well, it looks like Rex Morgan, M.D.’s “Lockdown Stories” isn’t going just involve Michelle tearfully being separated from her husband so she can work the COVID ward, and, uh, Rex gleefully being separated from his family so he can work in the COVID ward; we’re also getting … THE RETURN OF RENE, BABY!

Rene! You know we always want more Rene!

Remember, Rene was introduced as an amiable art teacher/former forger when Woody Wilson was writing the strip, but under current writer Terry Beatty has become a criminal mastermind, with grifts ranging from classic comics fraud to new age scam artistry. You’d think that a global pandemic wouldn’t require the services of this strip’s only actual villain to ramp up the drama, but now that he’s here I’m sure we’re going to learn he’s into some fun stuff. Will it be PPE hoarding? Hawking colloidal silver as a COVID-19 miracle cure? Did he develop the novel coronavirus in a lab specifically to make Buck’s life miserable? Can’t wait to find out!

Six Chix, 8/23/20

Note that the lady in this strip is sipping coffee or perhaps tea from her mug as she enjoys her weekend crossword, probably in the middle of the afternoon, while the dude is walking around holding a glass of wine (who even knows how many he’s had at this point), drunk and belligerent and looking to ruin somebody’s day. It’s dark!

Dennis the Menace, 8/23/20

Did you ever think about how Mr. Wilson, the gruff antagonist in the syndicated newspaper comic strip Dennis the Menace, probably has a pretty depressing life? Well, today’s Dennis the Menace would very much like you to think about it, for some reason!

Beetle Bailey, 8/23/20

Man, if exuberant and energetic displays of joy make you mad, you should probably not work in an ice cream parlor!

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Mary Worth, 8/22/20

Hmm, is this Mary Worth storyline wrapping up? Well, Madi is sitting up straight, making direct eye contact with the reader, and outlining the positive life goals she’s developed for herself, so all signs point to yes! Apparently all you need to cure a young girl’s grief is to listen to her with an open heart and show her that no matter how badly off she is, at least she’s smarter than Toby.

Pluggers, 8/22/20

Speaking of wrapping up, it’s time for longtime chief plugger Gary Brookins to retire from his work on Pluggers. The strip, along with the very notion of pluggerdom, will continue under Rick McKee, so keep sending in those suggestions, folks, we know you want to. Anyway, Gary handed over the keys to the hallowed AOL address to Rick, and he’s decamped over to Instagram, because he’s a god-damned influencer now. See ya, suckers!

The Phantom, 8/22/20

Yes, Bangalla is a thriving post-colonial democracy, with a vibrant economy in which all it takes to get a good-paying job is a personal relationship with the head of the local government-backed paramilitary force, who in turn takes orders from the mysterious, anonymous warlord who holds sway over the nation’s president and operates outside the structures of any democratically responsible institution!

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Hey everyone! Another edition of my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening live on Zoom ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, on August 28th!

If you want to get information about the show, including the link you’ll need in order to watch it, you gotta sign up for the Internet Read Aloud mailing list. I promise to only use your email to give you updates on these shows and for no other purpose! There’s also a Facebook event for this month’s show, if you like Facebook events!

One thing that I bet you really like is comments of the week! Well, good news:

“Cancer is of course the most Funkyverse way to die, but ‘burned alive by wildfire because you were gawking at a filming location for a cult 1930s serial in what is almost certainly a mandatory evacuation zone’ has to be pretty high in the rankings.” –TheDiva

More good news? You bet.

“The fact that they live close to a church doesn’t stop Hi and Lois from burying a body on their property.” –nescio

“It would cost Thirsty a hundred bucks each week to get someone to mow his lawn, given how enormous his yard is. On the other hand, he’ll never get it done by himself, since Irma apparently wants him to do it with a rake.” –BigTed

“The sudden appearance of Hi’s barn raises a lot of questions but also provides an answer to ‘Why did Hi and Lois keep having children?’ More kids means more farmhands, simple as that. Dot should enjoy these waning days of talking to sunbeam or whatever before her tender hands are coarsened by fieldwork.” –Jenna

“The most unrealistic thing about today’s Hi and Lois is that there’s no way Lois hasn’t uploaded twenty photos of Trixie sleeping on laundry to Instagram already. Hi must have turned his notifications off if this is at all new to him.” –Truckosaurus

“Wow, Lois has a LOT of faith in the integrity and waterproofing of Trixie’s diaper.” –Schroduck

“While the child in Daddy Daze is depicted as a pre-verbal infant, the artist is drawing on the more extensive comedic possibilities of his real-life child’s toddlerhood or pre-school years. Meanwhile, with the original model of the Trixie character long since grown, the artist has confused her with a cat.” –a.

“‘You see, colonial domination enforced by brutal violence will provoke a violent backlash by the colonized people and disrupt international relations. Capitalism allows voluntary international cooperation, so much that local people will welcome globalisation for the fruits it brings, such as more consumer goods.’ This strip must come from the period when Francis Fukuyama was writing Crock.” –Ettorre

“A quick google tells me that there are no Wal-Marts in Algeria, nor in any part of North Africa. What I’m saying is that Grossie is still waiting there, and maybe dead.” –pugfuggly

Today’s Funky Winkerbean inspired me to look up whether excessive grieving is a mental disorder. It is, it’s called Complicated Grief Disorder, and guess what? Les doesn’t have it! He’s not suicidal, unfocused, emotionally numb, or any other symptoms. I literally looked in the DSM-5 for a way to make Les Moore sympathetic, and he still fails at it.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“With Miss Buxley’s expression I prefer to think she’s asking ‘how is this perfume?’ because it’s very much not.” –Rejax

Dagwood’s face says he’s wondering if they’ve discovered his wildly influential ‘SammichPornLvr’ Tumblr.” –Lorne

“Our thoughts today are with Michelle (last name unknown), frightened into a coma when her personal space was invaded by a Curtis Wilkins parade float.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

I thought I would have a rough time here in Santa Royale, but then I met Toby. Have you seen her husband? Have you seen his beard? She breaks down crying over banana bread, but… [bite of lunch] I dunno, there’s more going on there.” –Dan

“Love the attention to detail in this strip. Les’ hairline in the third panel has crept so far back to reveal scalp even when we’re looking up at him.” –Bill Peschel’s Tummy Brain

“Do you think they’ll hold off shooting while he flies back to Ohio to retrieve them? Or does he travel with them, which is even more unsettling.” –Maltmash3r

“Note the faintest flicker of … anger? shame? … as Les looks away, unable to meet Marianne’s gaze. ‘Yes … I think Lisa would have wanted that,’ he says bitterly. Most of the time, he’s happy to serve as Her dark messenger here on the material plane, spreading her legend in preparation for the great Day of Ascension when mankind throws off the shackles of the old god and accepts Lisa as their One True Mistress. But some days … days like today, when he must lure another innocent into Her unspeakable web … it chips away at what’s left of a man’s soul.” –Doctor Moreau

“Chip is attracted to girls his age who look like a younger version of his mom. Unfortunately for Chip, no girls his age are attracted to someone who looks like a younger version of his neighbor Thirsty Thurston.” –bone

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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