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Hey everyone! Another edition of my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening live on Zoom ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, on August 28th!

If you want to get information about the show, including the link you’ll need in order to watch it, you gotta sign up for the Internet Read Aloud mailing list. I promise to only use your email to give you updates on these shows and for no other purpose! There’s also a Facebook event for this month’s show, if you like Facebook events!

One thing that I bet you really like is comments of the week! Well, good news:

“Cancer is of course the most Funkyverse way to die, but ‘burned alive by wildfire because you were gawking at a filming location for a cult 1930s serial in what is almost certainly a mandatory evacuation zone’ has to be pretty high in the rankings.” –TheDiva

More good news? You bet.

“The fact that they live close to a church doesn’t stop Hi and Lois from burying a body on their property.” –nescio

“It would cost Thirsty a hundred bucks each week to get someone to mow his lawn, given how enormous his yard is. On the other hand, he’ll never get it done by himself, since Irma apparently wants him to do it with a rake.” –BigTed

“The sudden appearance of Hi’s barn raises a lot of questions but also provides an answer to ‘Why did Hi and Lois keep having children?’ More kids means more farmhands, simple as that. Dot should enjoy these waning days of talking to sunbeam or whatever before her tender hands are coarsened by fieldwork.” –Jenna

“The most unrealistic thing about today’s Hi and Lois is that there’s no way Lois hasn’t uploaded twenty photos of Trixie sleeping on laundry to Instagram already. Hi must have turned his notifications off if this is at all new to him.” –Truckosaurus

“Wow, Lois has a LOT of faith in the integrity and waterproofing of Trixie’s diaper.” –Schroduck

“While the child in Daddy Daze is depicted as a pre-verbal infant, the artist is drawing on the more extensive comedic possibilities of his real-life child’s toddlerhood or pre-school years. Meanwhile, with the original model of the Trixie character long since grown, the artist has confused her with a cat.” –a.

“‘You see, colonial domination enforced by brutal violence will provoke a violent backlash by the colonized people and disrupt international relations. Capitalism allows voluntary international cooperation, so much that local people will welcome globalisation for the fruits it brings, such as more consumer goods.’ This strip must come from the period when Francis Fukuyama was writing Crock.” –Ettorre

“A quick google tells me that there are no Wal-Marts in Algeria, nor in any part of North Africa. What I’m saying is that Grossie is still waiting there, and maybe dead.” –pugfuggly

Today’s Funky Winkerbean inspired me to look up whether excessive grieving is a mental disorder. It is, it’s called Complicated Grief Disorder, and guess what? Les doesn’t have it! He’s not suicidal, unfocused, emotionally numb, or any other symptoms. I literally looked in the DSM-5 for a way to make Les Moore sympathetic, and he still fails at it.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“With Miss Buxley’s expression I prefer to think she’s asking ‘how is this perfume?’ because it’s very much not.” –Rejax

Dagwood’s face says he’s wondering if they’ve discovered his wildly influential ‘SammichPornLvr’ Tumblr.” –Lorne

“Our thoughts today are with Michelle (last name unknown), frightened into a coma when her personal space was invaded by a Curtis Wilkins parade float.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

I thought I would have a rough time here in Santa Royale, but then I met Toby. Have you seen her husband? Have you seen his beard? She breaks down crying over banana bread, but… [bite of lunch] I dunno, there’s more going on there.” –Dan

“Love the attention to detail in this strip. Les’ hairline in the third panel has crept so far back to reveal scalp even when we’re looking up at him.” –Bill Peschel’s Tummy Brain

“Do you think they’ll hold off shooting while he flies back to Ohio to retrieve them? Or does he travel with them, which is even more unsettling.” –Maltmash3r

“Note the faintest flicker of … anger? shame? … as Les looks away, unable to meet Marianne’s gaze. ‘Yes … I think Lisa would have wanted that,’ he says bitterly. Most of the time, he’s happy to serve as Her dark messenger here on the material plane, spreading her legend in preparation for the great Day of Ascension when mankind throws off the shackles of the old god and accepts Lisa as their One True Mistress. But some days … days like today, when he must lure another innocent into Her unspeakable web … it chips away at what’s left of a man’s soul.” –Doctor Moreau

“Chip is attracted to girls his age who look like a younger version of his mom. Unfortunately for Chip, no girls his age are attracted to someone who looks like a younger version of his neighbor Thirsty Thurston.” –bone

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Hi and Lois, 8/21/20

Not sure how long the time gap is between these two panels, but I’m guessing it’s not very long, and I’m pretty amused by how quickly Ditto went from “Chip’s walks around the neighborhood are a fun big-kid thing that I want to be a part of!” and “Jesus Christ, these walks are intolerably boring, why does he do this, what’s the point.” Anyway, your brother’s horny, kid, you’ll understand someday.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/21/20

Oh, god, I take it back, I’d welcome sex stuff rather than this, rather than “I think my dead wife would’ve wanted the lady I hired to make a movie about how she died to watch the videos she recorded for her widower and daughter.” “Thank you,” says Marianne, who is way, way too rapturously grateful for this. By the way, have we established whether they’re done filming this movie? I had assumed not, but there have been hints that they are, which would make this all the funnier! She needs to see these videos now, after the role is over, in case they do a … sequel? Oh no, they’re going to do a sequel, aren’t they.

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/20/20

Oh no oh no oh no is Les telling Marianne about the sex stuff? I think that’s what we’re supposed to understand by the lacuna in his dialogue in the second panel? She already had to endure saying this dialogue, hasn’t she suffered enough? And is he … hitting on her? By doing this? Since Funky Winkerbean is fixated on classic Hollywood, it’ll be just like the classic Hollywood film Vertigo where Jimmy Stewart tries to remake some poor woman into his dead beloved; in Vertigo it was sad, gross, and ironic because the poor woman secretly is his dead beloved, whereas here it will just be sad and gross. Anyway, I’m really looking forward to years of strips covering Les’s divorce. “Blessed Lisa would never have left me for trying to mold an actress in her image and then have sex with her,” Les will fume silently to himself.

Mary Worth, 8/20/20

“I mean, at first I was sad about being separated from my dad, but it turns out that he’s a real asshole who just dumped me on a stranger and fled the country, so it turns out that it’s actually pretty easy for other people to be better caregivers than him!”

The Phantom, 8/20/20

Yes, Bangalla is a thriving post-colonial democracy, with a vibrant economy in which all it takes to get a good-paying job is [checks notes] a personal relationship with the head of the local government-backed paramilitary force!

Dennis the Menace, 8/20/20

Sad news: Henry Mitchell passed away peacefully in his sleep today at the age of 35. Rest in power, Henry, you’ll always be in our hearts.