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Crock, 4/2/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because “cursor” and “delete” are computer words, and when you use a computer, “put my cursor on [something] and then press ‘delete’” is definitely something close to how a real computer user would describe their actions, but in this case we’re describing something in real physical space, not on a computer at all! Definitely a very funny joke, when you put all that together. You know what’s not funny, though? Grossie hates her husband so much she doesn’t just want him dead, she wants him completely eliminated from existence! That’s not funny at all. It’s really pretty sad.

Mary Worth, 4/2/20

“…it feels like home. Specifically, my home town of Santa Royale, where, as you noted, Jared also lives. It’s really quite convenient!”

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Mary Worth, 4/1/20

Oh man, I am living for Mary’s dead-eyed facial expression in panel one here. “Gosh,” she seems to be saying, “Dawn has found herself in a romantic predicament of her own making. Who could’ve possibly predicted this.” She seems unable to even work up much enthusiasm for the coming meddle: “You’re gonna have to make a choice, and be honest, blah blah blah. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go water some more flowers, over, uh, over there, on the other side of the yard, gotta go.”

Family Circus, 4/1/20

Big Daddy Keane is smiling because Billy doesn’t quite understand what’s happening here. As a sovereign citizen, he will very much not be telling the so-called “federal government” where he lives and how many dependents he has, but rather is writing a long note on the form about how he refuses to exchange his allodial property rights for the supposed “civil rights” guarantees of the 14th amendment, and is putting some home-brewed biotoxins in the envelope to boot.

Judge Parker, 4/1/20

If you’re a fabulously rich guy running to be a small-town mayor and the biggest knock against you, other than the whole thing where you’re a criminal, is that you’re an out-of-touch old-money elitist, definitely a way to change people’s minds on that point is to be the only person at your campaign fundraiser wearing a tuxedo.

Blondie, 4/1/20

Hey, everyone, what’s your least favorite part of this utterly nightmarish drawing of Dagwood waking up screaming from his nap? Let’s take a closer look!

It’s his weird, tiny, lizard-like tongue, right? Gotta be the tongue! It’s the same color as his skin!

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Gasoline Alley, 3/31/20

I’m going to ignore panel three here, which makes the frankly offensive suggestion that Snuffy Smith somehow has an ownership claim over entirely common turns of English phrase, and instead focus on panel two, which I love very much. “Figure out an equitable way to cushion family farmers, who are committed to an increasingly economically unviable business model today, at the tail end of a century-long process of agricultural industrialization?” says Boog. “I doubt it! I’m, like, twelve years old!”

Dennis the Menace, 3/31/20

There’s actually a couple different kinds of menacing happening here, as Dennis dreams of a machine that can control the weather and thus impose its master’s will upon a terrified world, but is also stupid enough to think that that’s what he’s looking at right now.

Curtis, 3/31/20

While it’s not quite explicit here, I think we have to give Curtis the award for the first syndicated newspaper strip to acknowledge the coronavirus pandemic and the prolonged social distancing necessary to fight it. I don’t really have much of a joke here, other than that Curtis and Barry are definitely going to murder each other before this thing is done.