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Six Chix, 8/21/19

1. “And ostriches run fast, so I’m hoping to best you in this competition!”
2. “So perhaps I have my head in the sand about my athletic abilities.”
3. “The better to kick the crap out of you, my dear!”
4. “That’s why this punchline laid an egg!”

Dustin, 8/21/19

All week these folks have been getting bummed out by the news. A word of advice, Dustin people — stay away from the comics!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/21/19

“Well, of course you’re the only colorist they have. Until you get replaced by some Bangladeshi outsourcer! Or some discount freelancer on Fiverr! But hey: I hear you’re engaged to be married to Mopey Pete! God, your life sucks! I’m so grateful to be old and near death.”

Hi and Lois, 8/21/19

“Nature, red in tooth and claw” seems a little off-brand for Hi and Lois.

— Uncle Lumpy

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In these Dog Days of August, who doesn’t welcome the chance to show a little skin? It’s cool … and it’s hot!

Beetle Bailey, 8/20/19

Aside from the odd ear or tooth, Sarge and Cookie are the same — so pity Sarge. Every meal forces him to confront, as in a mirror, the shapeless wreck Army food has made of his body. He eats until the shame overwhelms him, then starves until his next cheating meal. The cookies Mrs. Bailey sends her son are his only joy, and those he must take by force. “It’s not hatred, Beetle,” he sobs mid-beating, “I’m just hungry!”

Dick Tracy, 8/20/19

Honestly, Dick, you’re a married man with two natural children; how is any of this a surprise to you? Who do you think you are, Mark Trail? Amos van Hoesen? Brad DeGroot? Sam Driver? Earl Houndstooth? Gunther Burger? Dr. Jeff Cory? Rex Morgan?

Judge Parker, 8/20/19

Not the best outfit for concealed carry there, April. Pretty sure 90% of guys are gonna be staring straight up that barrel.

Zits, 8/20/19

Jeremy, everybody knows you and Zumba got history Exactly what sort of sandwich did you have in mind?

— Uncle Lumpy

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Faithful readers, it’s time for the Comics Curmudgeon 2019 Summer Fundraiser!

The Dog Days of August are great time to shower the Comics Curmudgeon with tokens of grateful gratitude — I mean, it’s too hot to do anything else, right? If this site brings joy to your life, consider supporting its work in whatever way works best for you:

• By credit card or PayPal — Click the banner at the top of the page, then follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. You don’t need a PayPal account to use this option, just a major credit card.
• By mail — Email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net; I’ll reply with an address for your generous check, money order, or in-kind contribution.
• As a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter — Join the ranks of Comics Curmudgeon Supporters for just $3 per month, and enjoy an ad-free online and mobile experience, plus an enhanced comment editor. Full details are here.
• Through a Patreon sponsorship — If you’d prefer to support all of Josh’s artistic/comedic efforts on a recurring basis, visit his Patreon page for complete details of this option.

Full details, terms, and conditions are here.

The banners at the top of the page are selected automatically on a randomized basis. If you’d prefer to browse a directory rather than hit-or-miss by refreshing the page, you can find one here, along with hundreds of banners from past fundraisers.

And thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy